4 y/o poops in pants constantly...even takes it out and hides it!!! suggestions???

[bellydancemommy]

Hello! My friends' just turned 4 year old son refuses to poop in a potty. He will go in to the bathroom to pee but, won't poop. Its almost as if he doesn't want to take the time away from playing to sit there and go. He does have some constipation issues...he will hold it for as long as he can again so he doesn't have to stop playing to go. When he does go in his pants if he can get it out himself he hides it behind the washing machine. When they do give him miralax for the constipation he is no longer able to hold it in and he just goes in his underwear but, its usually not firm enough after miralax for him to throw it away himself. He doesn't mind wearing diapers so putting them on him doesn't phase him. He's in preschool and is supposed to be potty trained so they don't use diapers on him while he is there. He doesn't seem to go while at school. He's only had one accident there.
They've tried all kinds of reward tactics to get him to try to go but, he just doesn't want to sit there. Does anyone have any experience with this? Any ideas or suggestions? Thank you so much for your time!!! Robyn

[dahlialia]

I have no experience with this, but my initial thought was - what about instituting regular "sit on the potty" times, with a specified length? After breakfast, after preschool, after dinner maybe. Lose the focus on pooping in the potty, and rather focus on good bodily habits of being patient in the bathroom, and taking time out for it.

I'm not sure about the use of miralax, but when DD1 had a bout of constipation that caused a lot of poop fear, we used a stool softener on a fairly regular basis until she felt confident again. That might work with the regular potty times, too.

Edited to add: if there is some reward that he might want to earn by learning to poop in the potty regularly, I wouldn't be above putting a pic of it where he can focus on it as he sits on the potty

[omelette]

Not sure that I have advice but my son has constipation problems as well. We got a book called It Hurts When I Poop. It's a story about how it's important to take care of your body and get rid of the waste. My son liked the story (not that great imo but it was effective for him) and talked about it and it's something we can refer to when talking about going poop.
In the book they also suggest as the pp said a few times a day to sit on the potty, when we did this dh would bring a car or toy or we'd read books together so he wasn't sitting in there by himself or feeling like it was a forced issue.

[bellydancemommy]

Thank you both so much for replying! I will pass along your suggestions to her and hopefully it will help her out. She has two other children and he is the "stubborn" one. So hopefully she will be able to put some of this to use! Thank you again for taking the time to respond I (and my friend) really appreciate it!

[pianojazzgirl]

I don't have any advice that pp's didn't already give, but....

EEEK! Hiding poop behind the washing machine?!? Hoo boy... good luck to your poor friend. Hope he starts pooping on the potty soon.

[Dandelionkid]

Stop pressuring him. My little guy finally stopped pooping in his diaper at 4 yrs 3 months. Really he was destined to do it by himself, on his own timetable. We tried bribes etc but very short stints because he was very firm about not using the toilet. Put a diaper on him for a month and see what he does. He obviously has shame about pooping in his underwear so he hides it. He might not feel the need to hold it until constipated if he can wear a diaper and he might just decide that when no one cares anymore he will do it himself

[NewDirections]

Originally Posted by omelette

Not sure that I have advice but my son has constipation problems as well. We got a book called It Hurts When I Poop. It's a story about how it's important to take care of your body and get rid of the waste. My son liked the story (not that great imo but it was effective for him) and talked about it and it's something we can refer to when talking about going poop.
In the book they also suggest as the pp said a few times a day to sit on the potty, when we did this dh would bring a car or toy or we'd read books together so he wasn't sitting in there by himself or feeling like it was a forced issue.

OMG, I love that book too

Have you considered ec? My cousins daughter was the same way and after several misses she goes poop on the potty about half the time. My cuz doesn't believe in diapers and has her daughter help to clean up the poo

[Yulia_R]

Wow, this is probably the only case when I would absolutely not hold back on my emotions. I mean really, this is just plain disgusting.
We did EC, so both of my kids were out of diapers by 18 months. They both know how I feel about poop of older kids (older being beyond infancy), they know that this is a huge problem for me (it liturally makes me gag and there is no way I would ever change a poopy diaper/pants of a child who is in the age of eating solids (both of my kids were mostly pooping on the potty by the age of 6 months, it's the pee that took longer, so I never really had to deal with that solid stincky poop stuck and smashed around the ramp...bleh...). So whenever their neighbor/friend who was around 3.5-4yo at that time would poop in his diaper (and of course it would immidiately start to stink like ^&*%^#, I'd ask him to go home and get his diaper changed. When asked by my kids, I would tell them the truth that the idea of older kid's poop smashed all over his butt makes me want to gag and I just can't deal with that.

[Yulia_R]

As for the advice, I think that parents need to put that as one of the expectations (it is amazing just how kids try to fit our expectations. If the parents truly in their heart believe that he will keep pooping in his pants, then he really will. But if the parents trully decide (and I mean really believe in it) that he is old enough and will start pooping on the potty, then he really will. So first and farmost if this very expectation. Next is motivation. So using the same uneventful voice (as if they were saying to put his shirt on), just say "ok, go potty/poop quickly and we will be ready to head to the playdate (or something simularly exciting to the kid).

Also, I think that the fact that big potties just are not comfortable for many kids to poop on is HUGE. My son (5yo) doesn't mind using the big potty, but my daughter (almost 4) HATES it (she will only poop on a toilet when we are out). At home she would only poop on those little mobile potties. Think about it this way: how would you like to poop on a potty with your legs hanging in the air. It is EXTREMELY uncomfortable and unnatural position to poop. I was once told by the pelvic therapist that taking a poo while having your legs not elevated (with a cartboat box or something simular) is unnatural and puts too much presure on the pelvis. There is a reason Japanese design their toilers to squat because this is a much more natural position and allows a much easier bowel movement. So, my daughter totally needs that squating (which is exactly what a small portable potty does for her) in order to have a comfortable BM.