child support

[mommariffic]

I'm still married, but just contemplating single momma-hood.

I don't work [full stay at home mom] and I'm just wondering how does that work? How would I ever be able to afford my own place and CONTINUE to stay home? How is child support calculated? I did a calculator and it said I would get $387 a week, and that seems minuscule compared to the amount my husband brings home, and NOT enough to live on especially paying rent.

So how do they calculate? And what factors in?

[Avani]

As a single mom, wow! $387 a week would be heaven. I get $0 in child support as my ex evades it. I go to school full time and work full time and wrap it all around my kids school schedules so I can be there for them. When a divorce is imminent you do everything and anything you have to do to scrap by. Especially when the other parent doesn't pay support or do his fair share of parenting. Low income housing, budgeting, getting rid of all luxuries..it's kind of par for the course with single parenting.

[confustication]

Originally Posted by Avani

As a single mom, wow! $387 a week would be heaven. I get $0 in child support as my ex evades it. I go to school full time and work full time and wrap it all around my kids school schedules so I can be there for them. When a divorce is imminent you do everything and anything you have to do to scrap by. Especially when the other parent doesn't pay support or do his fair share of parenting. Low income housing, budgeting, getting rid of all luxuries..it's kind of par for the course with single parenting.

This. My ex never paid. I created work schedules that worked around being a Mom- and I had to learn to be very frugal. You really can't plan to be a SAH single mom in the vast majority of situations. You need to be able to financially provide for yourself and your child without relying on someone else.

[Oh the Irony]

I would suggest a consult with an attorney. CS guidelines vary by state--who pays health insurance and nights spent in each household effect amounts. Normally calculators take those into consideration.

You would also ask about spousal support in your state. I was married for over 10 years and was a SAHP. I got spousal support for four years in addition to child support. In some states, you only qualify for marriages over ten years. It is also normally (in my state) not permanent alimony--it is normally for about 3-4 years to allow the person to get on their feet and get job training, etc.

CS doesn't normally include expenses like child care, medical co-pays, etc.

Also, assets, if any, you all have will be divided up.

Hopefully if you got spousal support you would be able to continue to be a SAHP if you lived frugally, but things change sometimes when you get divorced.

I would start looking for sources of income from home, going back to school or exploring job ideas. Some ex-spouses are awesome about paying CS and SS, but others are horrible. You won't know for sure for a bit down the road.

[Avani]

I'm in Cali and was married 10 years and was a SAHM the whole marriage. I was not awarded alimony, I was ordered $600 for our four children and he was ordered to pay half of medical. He told the courts he was unemployed and living with his mama (total lie). So the courts denied the alimony even though I was given sole custody and a SAHM. Also in the four years we have been apart I have not gotten a dime in child support and he has never paid half of the health care expenses. I've been stuck with every single expense. Is there anything I can do? Nope. The courts don't do a thing and child support gave him the option of paying them $50/mo to catch up to the $10,000 in arrears alone he owes me. That doesn't include the $2000 in medical expenses he owed me. ALso he was told to give me all my belongings back and i've never gotten them. None of them. Oh and he filed for his child support to be lowered because now he is in school full time and the burden of $600/mo is just too much for him

I'm just letting you know to not depend on any amounts you may come up. I was thinking I would get a minimum of $1200/mo because we showed the courts my ex made up to $5000/mo. You won't know until it's ordered and then beyond that you don't know if your ex may decide to evade it.

[Super~Single~Mama]

I would not plan on being a SAH single mama. If you are contemplating getting out of your marriage, you should start setting yourself up with an income. Not only b/c the cs wouldn't be enough to live on, but b/c the amount could fluctuate. And, $387/month comes out to $1,548/month - thats ALOT of cs - I get $150/month b/c my ex doesn't want to work full time.

Also, if you don't want to work to be able to support your children, that won't look all that great to a judge in a custody dispute. So, I would start looking for employment so that you can save up some money.

[Freedom~Mama]

Wow, I can't imagine getting almost 400 dollars a week in cs! I only get $250 a month for two kids and Ex never pays it anyway. I think that being a single Mom (by choice) is a trade off. I am way busier now than I was when I was married. I get less sleep, have all the parenting duties, put my kids in daycare/school so that I can be in school full time etc. I don't think there is a perfect senario, but I think it would be very hard to continue being a SAHM as a single Mama.

For me though I would rather be a happy, healthy and peaceful person and Mama and be single (and working my butt off!) than stuck in a bad marriage being a SAHM. I went from being a full time SAHM to being a full time student and it was a big adjustment for me and my kids, but we are all loving it (for the most part now). I think you need to do some soul searching and just really think of the pros and cons for each situation and decide what you want to do.

[One_Girl]

When you did the calculation did you put yourself in with an income that is equal to what you would make working full time at minimum wage? That is a requirement in the state I live in and I have heard of it for other places. What you would actually get may be lower than that estimate if it is a requirement you left out. That much money a week would be amazing. I get 156 a month, half of daycare, and half of the medical costs but he wasn't paying any of that for several years. He now pays 256 a month to catch up so he doesn't lose his license but he doesn't pay any of the other stuff and often the money is late. I am not sure how long he will keep paying because he has gone some months paying 100 then stopped all of a sudden when he quit working.

I agree with the poster who suggested setting yourself up with your own income that you can rely on if you are going to leave your husband. Many men seem like wonderful involved parents who would never go deadbeat, and yet they frequently do.

[vannienicole]

Exactly what One Girl says about the minimum wage thing. I will someday supposedly get $361 a month for two kids plus he pays 75% of childcare.....but only if he stops stalling this divorce out. Ugh.

[butterfly1976]

A lot of great advice from moms who've been there on the front lines, so to speak. I echo about getting your financial ducks in a row. I don't know your story, but unless he's doing something evil/terrible to you or the kids, I highly recommend you make a plan before you leave.

It takes money to raise kids. PERIOD. You can't depend on that child support to come through every week. You have no clue what will happen. People can turn really nasty when you try to get money from them. Sometimes men quit jobs or they work for cash only.

I think you need to get your income up and going. That would be the best thing for your family. It's very different from being married to being single. For me, it was like two different worlds. Do not depend on his income to survive.

The kids and I have never been well off. But....I've always made sure the bills were paid, food was on the table, gas was in the car, clothes on their backs and little money to do fun things. I was able to do it without the governments help (some people need it) and without the ex.

I depended on me.....My daughter said one time.....momma, we've always made it....and the truth be told, we always have.

My daddy used to have these crazy (but smart sayings)...You can't live on love and love doesn't pay your bills.

I wish you the best of luck........