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The most terrible thing anyone could ever say....

post #1 of 32
10/3/10 at 3:01pm
Thread Starter 
Hi mamas. I need help...and of course...DH is such a MAN (he was upset too..just not as upset as me)....I apparently need to vent to women.

I work one or two (sometimes 3) nights a week at a local steakhouse as a server. There is a girl who causes trouble and who is on the verge of being fired, but hasn't been yet unfortunately.

Well.....in all the drama with our bosses asking us questions about what she says about others behind their backs to cause trouble, I found out something she said about me.

She told another girl, "I can't believe Tara is pregnant again. She can't afford it. I hope she looses this one too." (I've had two miscarriages this year).

*blink blink*

How the HELL am I supposed to work with this girl!?!?!?!?!

I mean this in all sincerity.....how the heck do I cope with seeing this girl and working with her. I don't even want to look at her. I am beyond upset about this comment. I don't want to work with her. I want her gone. It's inhumane to say such a horrible thing about someone. I have done nothing to this girl whatsoever. She actually treats me very nice (to my face).

I think the other thing that makes me so upset is that she has NEVER been to our home. She doesn't know if we're poor or not poor or whatever. Why would she think we're poor? We don't have our cable turned off or our heat turned off..never have. Now...we are not RICH by any means....but we are far from poor. If we were poor..you would think she would assume I would work more than I do? Instead I give my shifts to others to help them out (including her!) because I would rather be with my daughter.

I seriously don't know how to cope with being at work with her...(especially when she's so fakey nice to me it's going to make me ill). I feel sick to my stomach about it. I am normally not a very confrontational person. But her comment has crossed the line and brought out a side of myself that I only see/feel when people mess with my kid(s).

I seriously seriously need some advice. WWYD?!
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post #2 of 32
10/3/10 at 3:12pm
My goodness. Miscarriage is not something I'd wish on my worst enemy! And to be so twofaced about it... that sickens me.

I know its hard but really the best thing to do is to be the bigger person.
"On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head'" --- Proverbs 12:20 NIV
post #3 of 32
10/3/10 at 3:15pm
so sorry.

as awful as what she said is (and i do think it's awful), you need to not give it another thought (it's not worth the stress). consider the source. she's an ignorant moron and not worth your time.

can you just avoid her or is that impossible? you said she's on the verge of being fired? i'll keep my fingers crossed for you that she is (soon).

again, so sorry you have to deal with this nonsense.
post #4 of 32
10/3/10 at 3:28pm
I would probably say something to the effect of " I know what you said and I think it was despicable." Then use all my self control to not kick her in the shins and run away...
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post #5 of 32
10/3/10 at 3:31pm
Oh honey, the initial shock of such an outrageous comment would probably send me straight to tears. However, then I'd have to realize how troubled and sick this girl must be. No normal person would say such a thing. I have to assume that she either has a major glitch in her brain resulting in some mental health issues, or that throughout her life she was treated in such a way that caused some mental health blip. You can't take this seriously because it did not come from a brain/heart that is functioning at capacity.

I hope you find compassion for her. I know it may sound crazy...but it's probably the only way you can get through the rest of the time you have with her.

"He drew a circle to keep me out,
A thing of scorn, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win,
We drew a circle that took him in." - Edwin Markham

I think the only answer is compassion. But, that's not to discount how hurtful her words were. Like I said, I don't think any healthy woman would wish miscarriage on another woman if in their right mind. She simply isn't in her right (healthy) mind.

I will send extra, double, major loving vibes to that little bean to stay put and keep growing to outnumber the yucky vibes sent by your co-worker!
post #6 of 32
10/3/10 at 3:32pm
what a horrible thing for her to say
post #7 of 32
10/3/10 at 3:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dot-to-Dot View Post
I hope you find compassion for her. I know it may sound crazy...but it's probably the only way you can get through the rest of the time you have with her.


She obviously has no idea words are very powerful. Take the high road and try to let it go. It seems she has nothing better to do than hurt others. My thought is she may be hurting inside and it feels good to her to hurt others. Don't waste your energy.
post #8 of 32
10/3/10 at 3:49pm
DDCC. If she actually said it, that was an awful thing to say. However, even though it's likely she did, given what you know of her, the comment is still hearsay. Given that, you have no choice but to take the high road and say nothing. And believe me, I can understand how tough that is going to be. Would it help to look at the situation as some kind of Jedi training test? Something to prove just how capable you are of not joining her on the dark side?
post #9 of 32
10/3/10 at 3:52pm
If it were me...I'd go straight to the man/woman in charge and let them know what she said and how you feel about it. A comment like that could get her fired.

I'd just like to say that I have anger issues and there's no way I could stay quiet if it was me lol
post #10 of 32
10/3/10 at 4:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dot-to-Dot View Post
Oh honey, the initial shock of such an outrageous comment would probably send me straight to tears. However, then I'd have to realize how troubled and sick this girl must be. No normal person would say such a thing. I have to assume that she either has a major glitch in her brain resulting in some mental health issues, or that throughout her life she was treated in such a way that caused some mental health blip. You can't take this seriously because it did not come from a brain/heart that is functioning at capacity.

Hurting people hurt others. It's best to keep their toxicity out of our lives. She will get fired soon and be gone. In the meantime, I would give the comments not heed and just keep trucking. Can you not work when she does? Trade shifts or something?

((hug))
post #11 of 32
10/3/10 at 5:22pm
So sorry I've been getting some upsetting comments too lately. Try to brush it off? That's all I can say.
post #12 of 32
10/3/10 at 5:41pm
My husband prayed for me to miscarry up until a week and a half ago, thereabouts. Its really hard to look someone in the eye after that.
post #13 of 32
10/3/10 at 5:49pm
I saw this on new posts and couldn't read and not post. I am so sorry. What a horrible thing to say.

When I left my husband, a coworker made a really insensitive comment to me about the situation- it was an abusive situation. She said it to my face. I can't repeat it here, just the thought of typing it makes me feel ill. I decided to not tell my boss, instead, I try to be strong and confident, to show her that her words can not bring me down.

I hope you have a healthy and wonderful pregnancy, Mama.
post #14 of 32
10/3/10 at 5:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitty waltz View Post
My husband prayed for me to miscarry up until a week and a half ago, thereabouts. Its really hard to look someone in the eye after that.
post #15 of 32
10/3/10 at 5:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitty waltz View Post
My husband prayed for me to miscarry up until a week and a half ago, thereabouts. Its really hard to look someone in the eye after that.
I am so sorry
post #16 of 32
10/3/10 at 8:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by slb1107 View Post
If it were me...I'd go straight to the man/woman in charge and let them know what she said and how you feel about it. A comment like that could get her fired.

I'd just like to say that I have anger issues and there's no way I could stay quiet if it was me lol
Yeah... It sounds as if management is already on the lookout and if they hear from you how it has affected you, it might help them in making whatever decision they need to make about her. Please let them know how badly that comment hurts and how hard it is to work with her.

Gossip is strictly forbidden at my workplace. Thankfully.
post #17 of 32
10/3/10 at 9:02pm
how awful, I'm so sorry
post #18 of 32
10/3/10 at 11:29pm
that is absolutely horrible. i'm sorry you had to go through that...praying for a healthy pregnancy for you.
post #19 of 32
10/3/10 at 11:50pm
forgive me, i haven't read all the posts in this thread because the subject of the thread infuriated me to skip all of them and make my own post.

#1--there is nothing you can say or do that will change people that think/talk that way.

#2--hopefully the girl will never experience the loss of a miscarriage, but if in fact she does, she will eat her words in due time.

#3--for the sake of keeping your job, you catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar. of course, restaurant jobs are a dime a dozen and it would be no sweat for you to find another place should it come to that (i've been in food and beverage my entire working life)
post #20 of 32
10/4/10 at 12:47am
iam the type of person that would say soemthing to her, and it wouldnt be pretty and then i would hit her, and quit my job and walk out.

i would never wish a m/c on anyone.
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