Educating and Son's Privacy - Page 2

[MattBronsil]

Originally Posted by Yulia_R

I guess if my son were concern about me talking about his penis (which I rarely do anyway) I'd respect that and I wouldn't. But I would also be seriously worried as to why he feels that talking about having all of this genitals is any different or more inbarassing/shameful than talking about having all of his 10 toes or his two tonsils. I would definitely explain it to him. It's just another body part, no difference what so ever. And I am pretty darn set to raise my kids with the idea that ALL of our body is totally normal and beautiful and no part is more shameful than the other. For example, for my kids (5 and 4yo) seeing me walking naked around the house after the shower is something so normal that they wouldn't even look twice lol

Wait til he's 12. They won't even want to look once. :-)

(Note: you may be gorgeous...not saying that in that way. Haha)

[To-Fu]

Religion and TCAC

Hi, y'all. Just a friendly reminder that the topic of religion as it pertains to circumcision is outside the scope of this form. As the revised forum guidelines state:

The discussion of or reference to religion is outside of the scope of this forum. Any posts which bring any aspect of religion into the discussion are not appropriate and will be removed. Respectful discussion of a religious nature regarding circumcision, alternatives, etc. may be hosted in the Spirituality forum. The Spirituality forum is a debate-free zone. Members maintain a list of helpful websites in a Web Resources thread for further information about religious issues.

Thanks for understanding! We now return to your previously scheduled conversation.

[Storm Bride]

FWIW, ds1 is 17. He knows I've told people that he's intact (although I used to say "not circumcised"). It doesn't bother him, and he doesn't really consider that to be "talking about his penis". It's just not the way the conversations go down, and he's aware of that. He more or less sees it as the same as when I say "I'm so glad ds1 got my ex's eyesight" or "ds1 broke his little finger"...I don't really go around "chatting" about his eyes or his fingers, to be honest. It's all in how the conversation comes about, at least in my opinion (and, more to the point, in ds1's opinion).

[Smokering]

Hmm. No sons yet (well, maybe one, but I'm only 5 weeks, so... no penis yet, either way!). I will say, though, that I feel a bit uncomfortable referring to DH's state. It'd be fairly easy for his clients/friends etc to connect him to me via Google, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want them knowing about his penis one way or the other. So I tend to keep things general, or at least non-keyworded.

I've had some pretty open discussions about circ with DH's male friends (circ is very uncommon in NZ, and DH's friends are all single, so it's pretty much an academic "here goes Smokering on one of her rants" things!) - but I've never volunteered information about DH's intactness or lack of it. If they peeked after gym at high school, I guess they know - if not, DH is free to tell them!

[Quirky]

I tend to think of the "privacy" issue the same way that I would about my own or my daughters' privacy if stating my opposition to female genital cutting. I'm sure if anyone thought about it for two seconds they'd think "You and your dds are intact!" and who knows what visuals that would give them? But it's just assumed that all females in the US are walking around with intact genitals (although sadly that is not true). So along the same lines I'm not discussing my son's particular penis, how it looks, etc. when I discuss circumcision and my opposition to it. I will mention that dh is circed and ds is intact and how there's zero issue there, or that there's been absolutely no issues at all with ds' penis, but those are really big generalities. I'm not discussing form, color, size, shape, my sex life with dh....nothing that I would consider truly private.

I really think we have to "de-privatize" circumcision and get it out of the closet. It's not a "family issue" that is no one else's business. We've made it our business what women of completely different cultures do half-way around the world in terms of opposing female genital cutting and we don't see that as "private, parenting, personal" decisions -- why isn't the same true for male genital cutting? Until it's seen as an open topic and something that all people can have an opinion about whether or not a) they have a son or b) they have a penis, because it's a human rights issue, then it will continue under the cover of "privacy."

[Pirogi]

Originally Posted by Quirky

I really think we have to "de-privatize" circumcision and get it out of the closet. It's not a "family issue" that is no one else's business. We've made it our business what women of completely different cultures do half-way around the world in terms of opposing female genital cutting and we don't see that as "private, parenting, personal" decisions -- why isn't the same true for male genital cutting? Until it's seen as an open topic and something that all people can have an opinion about whether or not a) they have a son or b) they have a penis, because it's a human rights issue, then it will continue under the cover of "privacy."

So true.

FWIW, I won't/don't have any qualms about talking in general terms about DH's intact status or any future sons' intact status. I feel educated enough to have a discussion using proper, non-suggestive terms and general likelihoods of problems, etc. If someone asks specifically about DH or future DS, I do/would just acknowledge that he is intact and move on. Neither DH nor I am ashamed of his intact penis or feel weird talking about it. He is almost as passionate an intactivist as I am, with his European heritage, and I guess he views it as a good way to normalize the male anatomy.

That said, if I have a son, and if some day my son requests that I not talk about his intact penis, I will certainly respect him.

[hakunangovi]

Originally Posted by MommytoB

I think the previous old generation ended up getting Intimidated by actual body names and the actual talk of it that it was thought to be THAT's Something You Shouldn't Be Talking About In Public as Keeping it at Home leading many of those people to have Body Shame.

Like people Should Be Able to Talk About Body Parts and it's Function without Going Oh No No We Do Not Talk Like That .

As a generality, I think this is true. I was quizing my aunt once about my grandfather's status and the reasons behind it. She replied that she did not know because "in those days people just did not talk about that kind of thing".

[Mulvah]

It hope people are not misconstruing privacy and embarrassment.

I find it interesting that people think privacy of our boys (in this regard) is or should be a non-issue. The reality is, many developed countries have laws against FGC. Many under-developed countries have laws against it and many more are working on laws against it. Now, that isn't to say it isn't done, even in the United States, and it isn't to say there doesn't need to be more done in that area. But, comparing male circumcision in the United States (or other countries where it is prevalent) to FGC (in the United States or developed countries) in terms of parenting discussions is apples to oranges, IMO. I would venture to say a lot more people end up in discussions about male circumcision versus FGC.

In my experience, only living in developed countries, it is assumed I will not have my daughter cut. With sons, that is not always the case, specifically in the United States. I'm not going to debate that because it is what is true for my experience. (I understand it is not necessarily true for other people.)

That said, I definitely try to engage in discussions about circumcision when I can because I do want to normalize it. I do think it should be assumed males are not circumcised. As I previously stated, I will start using language that does not include my son specifically.

Originally Posted by Quirky

I really think we have to "de-privatize" circumcision and get it out of the closet. It's not a "family issue" that is no one else's business. We've made it our business what women of completely different cultures do half-way around the world in terms of opposing female genital cutting and we don't see that as "private, parenting, personal" decisions -- why isn't the same true for male genital cutting? Until it's seen as an open topic and something that all people can have an opinion about whether or not a) they have a son or b) they have a penis, because it's a human rights issue, then it will continue under the cover of "privacy."

I can "de-privatize" circumcision without specifically discussing my son. That is what this thread was about.

[KaylaBeanie]

I don't really think it's an issue of privacy. Naturally, when you discuss something you do with your body/someone else's body, they're going to picture it. However, I'm not going to shy away from talking about BFing because I'm scared someone's going to picture my boobs

Anyhow, I obviously can only come at this from a female prospective. If I lived in a country where FGC was common and I was intact, I'd be darn proud of my mom for choosing to buck the system and make the right decision for me. I don't really view circumcision vs. intact to really be an invasion of privacy. You're not really describing your son's genitals (i.e. size, color, markings, etc). You're just letting it be known that you didn't alter him. Plus, he's a baby. My mom will repeat some of the things she talked about with her mom friends when we were babies (poop, genitals, puking, all sorts of stuff) and I don't care...I was just a baby