Let's talk about irrational fears/ anxieties during pregnancy

[katroshka]

I kind of feel like I need to talk about this, it's not a huge deal for me, but it is bugging me and for whatever reason don't want to talk to friends/ family much about it.

With my first I can't really remember any fears or anxieties, with my second I had a bundle... I remember worrying about having to wean my first (they're 15 months apart), that I wouldn't be able to pay enough attention to either of them, that (this is really stupid) my second wouldn't be as mind-meltingly adorable as my first (totally wrong there), all sorts of stuff.

Now that, years later, I am pregnant with my third, I have all these new anxieties. They are almost all about comparing this one to my first two. They are now 9 & 8, and are (if I might say so myself, but everyone else seems to say it, too) really the coolest girls ever. They are smart, cute, well-behaved, super happy and balanced... basically I have nothing to complain about, and everything to be proud of and thankful for, and part of me feels like I couldn't possibly hit the jackpot a third time. Another thing is that this baby has a different father, but if anything that should make me feel better, since my first husband turned into a raging madman and eventually died of a drug overdose, several years after I divorced him. But since I have these perfect kids I end up worrying...

So tell me, what is everyone else worrying about? I know it's very common for women to worry about their new babies while pregnant, so I figure it may help me to hear about everyone else's!

[jcregan]

I definitely worried more (and maybe still do) about m/c and stillbirth this time. I feel like I was pretty oblivious to those things with the first, just assumed everything was fine. I think with this one I have worried about it a ton more - with no reason to do so - every indication is everything is just fine!

I try not to dwell on the worry, I acknowledge the worry but try to remind myself of the good things and good signs of a healthy pregnancy and remember that at this moment there is nothing I can do anyway that I am not already doing that would lower those risks. If something happens that can be dealt with at that moment.

Sounds like you have done an awesome job with your daughters - despite some difficult situations so all indications are that no matter what the personality of this baby you will be able to handle it and do a great job!

[MaerynPearl]

#3 and I worried that my body would not remember how to go into labor on its own (even after going 100% natural with #2...) and it was not helped at all by the fact that I didn't go into labor on my own until 41w6d!

That is seriously irrational... but it was indeed a very real fear for me! I have been induced in the past (with #1) and it was horrible compared to going natural. Add to that fear that I am seriously afraid of needles and/or surgery and the thought of not only being stuck for the induction but... omg... what if it doesn't work and I end up with a c-section?! They would seriously have to knock me completely out for that or I would have an anxiety attack on the table! And if I am knocked out, then I don't get to cuddle with my baby right away! (and that also involves a needle!)


luckily the fear was unwarranted. The only needle that got anywhere near me when DD2 was born was the one to stitch the one stitch I needed. That is it.

My midwife suggested I try to relax as much as possible... it helped! Calms Forte, warm bath with lavender and some sleepy time tea usually got my brain to stop racing long enough to get some relaxing sleep.

Also had Bachs Rescue Remedy pastilles for those times when I couldn't sleep but REALLY needed to relax!

(Now, postpartum, my biggest fear is SIDs and it does not help that my kids keep mentioning dying and its like... why?! Other than the fact that their fish just died... its not something I want to think about right now!)

[WifeofAnt]

My fear is that I'm so misaligned the baby ends up oblique, doesn't correct himself, and then has a shoulder or arm presentation. I really don't want to have my water break at home and have a hand coming out of me.

[kalamos23]

I have way too many fears and anxieties about the baby even still being alive to worry about the other ones as much, but some of the other ones that creep in are what if this baby is high needs like DD? Will I be able to handle another her again? What if I can never sleep because they wake each other up?

[annablue]

I worry that I'll have no maternal instinct. I've never been a "kid" person, never had much interest in babies or children, and I wonder how I'll feel about my own baby. Deep inside, I know I'll love her (I do already!) but sometimes I get afraid. I also worry, probably even more so, that she'll be fussy and difficult and demanding and I'll just hate her.

I also spend way too much time panicking about stillbirth. I try to tell myself that the odds are in my favor for everything to be fine - but it happens to those few percent, and it could be me.

[guest123456]

I worry that, since I wasn't taking vitamins before or at the beginning of this pregnancy, that LO didn't get enough B, esp. folic acid, calcium or other nutrients and her brain/spine/etc will be affected. It's a terrible fear, even though my midwives reassured me that the baby took what it needed and is likely fine (this may be why I was so tired!) Since it's in the past, it's scary because if there is something wrong and that's the cause, nothing can be done.

I love that Birthing from Within calls worry the "work of pregnancy." Worry helps us deal with our fears and decide how we will deal with them if they are to happen; we just can't let our fears or worries control us!

[gemasita]

I worry that I will hate breastfeeding. I have not enjoyed being pregnant and having my body on display, despite having tried to get pregnant for 4 years. I am worried that once the baby comes out, I will want to have my body back and breastfeeding will not be enjoyable. I was breastfed myself well into toddlerhood so I always assumed I would do the same but I wonder what it will be like to breastfeed for 3 or 4 years if I hate it.

[Aliy]

oh so many fear most of them completely irrational. Some of it is due to mental health issues.
I worry that the baby wont make it to birht
i worry the baby will be born still
I worry i'll end up having a section
I worry something might go wrong with the home birth that i'll be transfered
I worry i'll go so fast the midwives wont be there and it will end up being on my husband ( who i do think is perfectly capapble, but still)
I worry my boys wont be narely as happy about the baby once it's out ( they will be 2.5 and 4.5 years )
I worry my grandma will still be in mexico instead of here helping with the kids. ( she is away till a week before the due date)
I worry something will be wrong with the baby
I worry that I just wont be able to handle three.
I worry i'll end up with a recovery like i did with my first.
Honeslty I worry that i'll die

I worry about a lot of things
I try to remember that the more I worry the more likley things are to go wrong. i can't let the fear cycle get in to deeply with this pregnancy i just can't do that to me and the baby, and my family. I need to keep a grip on reality and know that thigns will work out.

and there are times where i worry i wont be able to love enough all three children but i also know this is silly but when i was pregnant with my second i would hold my older child while he was sleep and just tell him how much i love him and how special he is to me.

[Buddhamom]

OMG, where do I start. I am 40, not expecting this since we were told we had unexplained infertility 7.5 years ago and had a miscarriage before that then 2 years of ART and adopted 5.5 years ago. SO, I am afraid of birth defects/health in general, miscarriage/my body remembering what to do since my oldest bio daughters are 21 and 19 and loving this one as much as I love my little girl who is our princess. I worry because I am 5.5 weeks and no MS yet. I am with you on the needle phobia. We are no where near the hospital where my old midwives delivered way back when and am scared this hospital will have some "policy" that you need to have an IV "just in case"! I had nothing with my first two. No meds, IVs or Dr.s just a midwife. We are talking homebirth for that reason though. I am afraid when they do an ultrasound there will be no beating heart I am afraid of every twinge and pain. I am a afraid everytime I go to the bathroom I will see blood. Give me a day or two and I will come back and update more fears I am sure.

[mojobot2000]

I worry that I wasn't as careful about my prenatal vitamins and nutrition throughout this pregnancy as I was with my first, so he won't be as healthy and brilliant as his sister.

I worry that he'll be colicky or super high-needs and I'll crack under the pressure. Or that I just won't be able to love him.

I worry that my little "big" girl will feel sad, mad, and abandoned, and lose her natural sparkly glorious amazingness.

I worry that, despite my midwife's assurances, he's not REALLY head-down, and in fact that's his head, not his knee, in my right rib. (It's clearly a knee. This one is really silly.) Or, less so, that he's just not as ideally aligned as DD1 was and I'll have a more difficult labor.

I worry that something will be wrong with him. (We did no genetic screens or blood tests, just the 20-week US, and I wasn't taking folic acid or other vits regularly until close to the 2nd trimester.)

I worry that I'll have a precipitous labor when I'm home alone with my daughter, and not only will my midwife and doula not get here in time, my husband won't either. (SO silly...he works less than 10 minutes away, that would have to be pretty precipitous.) Or that I'll go into labor somewhere awful, like the subway, and end up in an ambulance. (My first labor came on very fast and strong, and if I hadn't been home, I don't know where I would've given birth!)

Writing them down is surprisingly helpful.

[katroshka]

Yay! Great to hear all these responses, and that like mine, they range from somewhat legitimate to totally crazy!

I share so many of these fears, like many of the moms on here I took no vitamins until near my second trimester, first because I didn't realize I was pregnant until 6 weeks, then because of the morning sickness. Of course, it was the exact same way with my daughters, but we all know that folic acid decreases likelihood of birth defects, so it's just helping the odds. So yeah, totally worry about that. I also forgot to mention before that DH has Crohn's disease and severe psoriasis, so of course I worry that those will be passed on.

But yeah, everybody worries, and it's great to hear that I'm not the only one suffering through the anxiety!

[Annemarie42]

This time around I have mainly worried about something happening with the baby, less so about labor (although now that it is getting close, that may change!). I have also had these very specific worries about something being wrong with the placenta, like to the point of having dreams about it.
My kids have also been having an increasingly difficult time as the birth approaches, and I am kind of worried about what's going to happen with that when I am actually having to take care of a newborn, too.

[Smokering]

Oh, yeah, sure. I wouldn't say I've been CONSUMED with worry or anything, but I do have worries - some legitimate, some less so.

I worry about placenta previa (Mum had it - I know it's not hereditary, but it makes me more aware of it!).
I worry about pre-eclampsia, which I had with DD. In theory my chances of getting it again aren't awful (or great, frankly)... same partner, second baby and I only got it at 39 weeks with DD, and they say it tends to occur later with each pregnancy, so if I got lucky and had this baby at 39 or 40 weeks I might "miss" it altogether. Still, that's a fairly legitimate fear for me, I think. I mostly just don't want to risk out of a birthing centre birth - the organ failure/coma/death thing doesn't actually worry me at all.
I worry about DD coping with the new baby, establishing BFing, yadda yadda.
I worry about getting more stretch marks. Shallow, I know. I got them with DD, but only on my lower belly (OK, and hips), so in underwear I can still pretend I have a pre-baby tummy. If I get stretch marks higher up, I won't. And yes, that makes me sad.
I worry about the pain of labour, which is frankly a SUPER-legitimate fear, as I had a traumatic birth with DD. Am planning to do Hypnobabies this time.

That's about it, other than the usual worries that the baby will be born with two heads or no brain or summat.

[WifeofAnt]

Originally Posted by Smokering

I worry about getting more stretch marks. Shallow, I know. I got them with DD, but only on my lower belly (OK, and hips), so in underwear I can still pretend I have a pre-baby tummy. If I get stretch marks higher up, I won't. And yes, that makes me sad.

Of course it does! It would be easier to accept if everyone got equal stretch marks but until they actually show up its easy to be SOOOOO hopeful they won't. Its not a deal-breaker but I doubt its anyone's favorite part of pregnancy, lol.

ps: I have stretch marks on my butt. I'm praying they don't find their way to the bump. 31 weeks down... they'll probably show up at the very last minute or something.

[gummibears]

Originally Posted by jcregan

I definitely worried more (and maybe still do) about m/c and stillbirth this time. I feel like I was pretty oblivious to those things with the first, just assumed everything was fine. I think with this one I have worried about it a ton more - with no reason to do so - every indication is everything is just fine!

Same here. I was mid 20s with ds and at the time had thought everything was normal (including the heavy, bright bleed before I knew I was pregnant - was enough for dh to notice while dtd AND Still was extra on a pad after. I never did learn what that was, but ds was fine.

Now some cramps worry me, my backache is worrying me, my by and large lack of nausea, and other random things. It's that whole not knowing nothing til 10 weeks. I KNOW I was seen sooner with ds than this. Another week to wonder and worry until I know where we stand, and I've been cramping vaginally all day, so that's got me worried..

[EmedAK]

I work as a special education teacher for children under 3 years old so I have a b'zillion worries about the rare disabilities that my child could end up having. I worry that my child will be autistic or have a serious birth defect. It's all i ever see with my job, so it's been hard to separate my fears from the reality that the risk is VERY low.

My other big fear is that I won't get the birth experience that I want and ultimately will need a c-section. I'm terrified of needles and surgery. The idea of giving birth naturally doesn't scare me so much, just the idea of advocating and fighting with the medical staff at the hospital.

lastly, I worry that I'll be a horrible mother. Although everyone tells me i'll be a great mother, i worry that b/c of the high expectation, that i'll fail miserably. I've struggled with depression, anxiety and chronic disorganization for years, so i wonder how i'll ever manage to take care of a baby when sometimes I can barely handle my own life.

good to know that i'm not alone in my fears.

[TheDivineMrsM]

I'm scared of

the baby having some sort of health problem that could've been prevented

something awful happening to the baby randomly

sharp metallic objects (IV needles, epidural needles, episotomy scissors, c-section scalpels, etc) being used on me during birth

my body not going back to the way it was (I know this is a selfish one, but I worked hard to get myself into shape. I don't want to stay this big permanantly!)

Not being able to be the parent that my child needs/deserves

going broke b/c I want to take the rest of the school year off to spend with the baby (this effectively cuts our household income in half, but our bills go up).

[caseykn]

I had a subchorionic hematoma and lots of bleeding late in my late 1st/early 2nd tri and although it appears to have totally healed by 18 weeks, I worry that it's still around and will cause some complication any second.

I worry that since I was given pitocin to birth the placenta with my 1st birth that sonething bad will happen at that part of the birth this time when I'm having a home birth. This is even though there was no need for me to have the pitocin, it's just that that's the only part that wasn't totally 'natural' last time so I don't know if I can do it.

I worry that after a lovely homebirth, something will happen that will cause us to have to go to the hospital, ruining my "snuggling in my own bed with my new family and avoiding the icky hospital" plan.

This baby is SO crazy active in utero (much, much more than DD1) that I worry she'll be a crazy active baby and I won't know what to do with her. She makes me so uncomfortable that I sometimes have negative thoughts about her and I don't want that to surface when she's born or affect our bonding.

DD1 is so excited about "her baby" and says that all I can do is feed her and DH can't do anything except place her in her car seat (DD1 gets to clip her in). DD1 says that she'll be doing everything else for her baby and I worry she'll actually be upset with us when the baby is born and DH and I do more for her than DD1 says we're allowed to.

[WifeofAnt]

Yeah I just read today that having a low-lying placenta is a risk factor for premature labor. Now my mind is questioning...

• How far down does it have to be?
• Do I fit in that category?
• How much more likely is premature labor?
• Is there anything I can do about it?
• Am I high risk without realizing it?
• Is DH going to miss the birth while he's in training?
• If something happens and I hemorrhage or need a c-section while he's still gone how am I even going to take care of myself?