Helping HS kindergartner respond to questions

[donutmolly]

My poor DD is a new HS kindergartner and she must be tall enough (or just chatty) that she really attracts attention when we're out an about during school hours... or maybe it's just that time of year and people seem to constantly be asking her about which school she goes to, what's her teacher's name, etc.

I've tried to coach her a little so that she can answer some of the common questions, but she still is often confused by their questions -- her default answer is "I'm homeschooled". I guess my heartbreaking moment was when another little girl, in response, said, "when are you going to go to a REAL school?"

I really want to let her answer the questions herself and engage in her own conversations (like I said, she's chatty and really enjoys talking to people).. Maybe I'm a little over-sensitive to the perception that homeschooling parents are controlling, but I do want her to have the independence to be able to talk to adults without me prompting her.

So what do you do when people quiz your hs'ed kids?

[heatherdeg]

My ds would be in 1st grade this year and you sound like us last year. It WAS kind of heartbreaking sometimes, but more because HE was so confused--ya know?

What I did was to give him a second to try to answer them on his own, but then *I* would answer the question to model it for him for next time. In fact, sometimes I let him answer it completely (if he could/would) and then I'd add to it for him.

He's definitely better at it now. Seemed that the questions really died off this year until we relocated halfway across the country and it was all about "Are you excited for school to start?!?" Then I REALLY felt bad because another 1st grader a few houses down was here playing with ds and when ds told her he learns at home, she got a strange look on her face and got very still, then looked at me and said (not angrily in ANY way) that her school was a good school. Her tone made me think that she felt I didn't believe that. Man--I felt horrible for her. I told her that I had heard wonderful things about her school and left it at that.

I'm surprised how well he holds his own now--even with questions I haven't actually had to answer in his presence before. It's an adjustment. But then, starting school would be an adjustment, too!

[phathui5]

"when are you going to go to a REAL school?"

Hm, how about:

"I won't."

"I'd rather be in the REAL world."

"It's more fun to play all day while other kids are sitting in school."

[Lisa1970]

She should answer that she homeschools and when someone else, assuming little girl, asks when is she going to go to real school, she should say homeschooling is real school. If it is an adult saying that, then you as an adult should intervene as adults should know better. Chances are with the little girl, she just didn't understand or know.

If I suspect someone homeschools, I will ask where they go to school. If they homeschool, then great and I tell them I do too.

Good luck!

[lach]

Originally Posted by phathui5

Hm, how about:

"I won't."

"I'd rather be in the REAL world."

"It's more fun to play all day while other kids are sitting in school."

I would not encourage a kindergartener to pick fights over homeschooling. I'm sure the other little girl didn't understand. Going to a B&M school was probably something that she was encouraged to look forward to, and she is a little kid so she doesn't even know that other options exist. To her, going to school is something that "big kids" do as a rite of honor. Being at home all day is for little kids.

These kinds of funny/snarky answers are fun to imagine lobbing at a rude adult, but if OP is asking how to create an atmosphere of understanding about her own child's situation, I think it behoves us to understand where other children are coming from.

And, FWIW, our definitions likely vary, but I have no intention of either letting my 5yo experience the "real world" (whatever that even means) nor will I let them play all day.

[littlemizflava]

if we are out and one seems stuck i will peep up and say they are homeschooled. but what i do with both of mine was to play a game with them when we are home. its just a fun thing we do. i like to play up how special they are to be able to have a say in their education. things i ask are why are you not in school? when are you going to school? what grade are you in?
sometimes i also say wow if you were in school now you wouldnt be able to be doing this.

[rootzdawta]

Originally Posted by heatherdeg

My ds would be in 1st grade this year and you sound like us last year. It WAS kind of heartbreaking sometimes, but more because HE was so confused--ya know?

What I did was to give him a second to try to answer them on his own, but then *I* would answer the question to model it for him for next time. In fact, sometimes I let him answer it completely (if he could/would) and then I'd add to it for him.

He's definitely better at it now. Seemed that the questions really died off this year until we relocated halfway across the country and it was all about "Are you excited for school to start?!?" Then I REALLY felt bad because another 1st grader a few houses down was here playing with ds and when ds told her he learns at home, she got a strange look on her face and got very still, then looked at me and said (not angrily in ANY way) that her school was a good school. Her tone made me think that she felt I didn't believe that. Man--I felt horrible for her. I told her that I had heard wonderful things about her school and left it at that.

I'm surprised how well he holds his own now--even with questions I haven't actually had to answer in his presence before. It's an adjustment. But then, starting school would be an adjustment, too!

This is how I've been handling it so far.

Originally Posted by littlemizflava

if we are out and one seems stuck i will peep up and say they are homeschooled. but what i do with both of mine was to play a game with them when we are home. its just a fun thing we do. i like to play up how special they are to be able to have a say in their education. things i ask are why are you not in school? when are you going to school? what grade are you in?
sometimes i also say wow if you were in school now you wouldnt be able to be doing this.

Excellent idea!

Wow, it's good to know others are going through this. DS is 5 and has some books that say Grade 1 and some that say K and he's been so confused about what to say when someone asks. I could play a "game" with that too.

[littlemizflava]

Originally Posted by rootzdawta

This is how I've been handling it so far.


Excellent idea!

Wow, it's good to know others are going through this. DS is 5 and has some books that say Grade 1 and some that say K and he's been so confused about what to say when someone asks. I could play a "game" with that too.

"we dont do grades i am homeschooled" i am in no grade im homeschooled" My dd now 8 has always loved seeing how she could do bookwork that past what her school grade would be doing.

[elanorh]

At first I would answer (it was usually me being asked anyway) but when people asked dd1 directly, I'd let her answer.

Typically, she'd say, "I go to school at home," and it's usually dropped at that point. Sometimes she'll elaborate that we travel a lot, so that's why we do school at home. But usually it gets dropped right about then. Other kids sometimes will ask her HOW she goes to school at home, or a couple have asked whether they could do it, too.

She hasn't had any "REAL school" comments from anyone but family. I suspect she'd respond that our school IS real school, if she were to encounter those comments.

I think sometimes the "Where do you go to school?" comments are a way to figure out more about the kid. So coaching to mention the homeschool, but add, "I take art classes at the Y," or "I play soccer with X team," or etc. to it, that can help people "situate" kiddo in their minds.

[donutmolly]

Thanks for the suggestions -- I guess I feel better for jumping in when DD is obviously confused by their question. I just hate to see her so baffled by the questions that most kids who go to regular school would answer off-hand.

We're in a very homeschool-friendly community (many kids homeschool, it's a well-established alternative) so it's not an issue of people being rude or condescending. We're sticking with the age-appropriate grade level "name" because it seems that most people are really asking about how old the child is -- and they divide Sunday school classes at church by grade-level.

And the little girl was not a big deal to me -- I told her that homeschool was real school, and changed the subject. But DD did seem bothered by the comment. She's already confused by her close friends who are going away to school, and how their lives have made a big change, but really she's not doing much different than last year. We've been trying to gently de-romanticize "going to school" as well as making homeschool more fun and special. I guess it's a work in progress.

[EviesMom]

IME, there's a mental shift between ages 5-6/"Kindergarten" and 6-7/"First Grade." DD didn't get the question of "what grade are you in?" last year even though we said we were doing homeschool kindergarten, she would just say "I homeschool with Mama!" Maybe it's the "first grade" seems like a reasonable answer to a "what grade" question but she didn't understand that K could be a grade?

She now says "First Grade" and either leaves it at that or adds that she does homeschooling and waldorf schooling both (homeschool waldorf supplement).

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by EviesMom

IME, there's a mental shift between ages 5-6/"Kindergarten" and 6-7/"First Grade." DD didn't get the question of "what grade are you in?" last year even though we said we were doing homeschool kindergarten, she would just say "I homeschool with Mama!" Maybe it's the "first grade" seems like a reasonable answer to a "what grade" question but she didn't understand that K could be a grade?

She now says "First Grade" and either leaves it at that or adds that she does homeschooling and waldorf schooling both (homeschool waldorf supplement).

I'm finding that when people ask my son what grade he's in, he no longer bothers to tell them he's not in school and just says "first grade". Oddly, there's less and less of the whole "do you like your school?" like there was when he was at K level... which is nice because there's no longer a focus on WHERE he's learning.

Of course... unless we're out during a weekday.

[Holiztic]

We had our first question last week. DS is only 3.5, but he's tall and very verbal so most people guess he is 5. We were getting lunch and the woman at the counter asked him "Why aren't you in school?" At least she said it very nicely, like curious--not judgmental.

He responded with "I homeschool" which is funny since we don't actually do anything yet, but we've talked about homeschooling many times.

But the best part is: the woman smiled at him very warmly and said "That's better!"



But even in our homeschool-friendly community (relatively speaking) I know we'll get a lot of strange looks and unwanted comments. I am enjoying reading this thread, preparing for the future.

[jillc512]

This summer we were at the library at their summer reading kick-off party, and the librarian asked DS (6) what school he went to. He said, "Sunday." It was then I realized a little at-home coaching might be in order! Although, really, since we're unschoolers, that was an accurate answer: Sunday school is the only "school" he goes to.

[LessTraveledBy]

My dd's answer is something like "I won't go to kindergarten. (Often she has to explain that, no, legally no one has to go.) We, Mama and I, are wild and free!"

[raelize]

Originally Posted by Anumaria

My dd's answer is something like "I won't go to kindergarten. (Often she has to explain that, no, legally no one has to go.) We, Mama and I, are wild and free!"

i *love* that so much.

a few weeks ago, i had to run into my school ( i teach one night a week at teh local communty college). i had to bring my dds and the office manager, who had been a little standoffish before this (this is my first semester) asked E, who is 4.5 and looks like she's 6, where she went to school. E said, i'm homeschooled. and the office manager said, " well that's a good place to be." and since then she's been really cool and helpful.

[Bluegoat]

Sometimes you can get some really nice responses from people. When I was checking some homeschooling books out at the library, which are in the kid's area, one of the children's assistance came over and said she had lots of lists of resourses on homeschooling, including community ones, and had homeschooled her three adult kids.

Dd just says "I do home-school" when people ask.

[isabchi]

So far DD(5) is been handling the situations very well by herself. This is our second year of HS and because she really don't understand complety about grades she just continue talking and talking about all the things we do, places we go, about hers friends. She is don't giving much room to discussion, the she usually turn the conversation about the thing she did and things like that.

[dakotablue]

Originally Posted by jillc512

This summer we were at the library at their summer reading kick-off party, and the librarian asked DS (6) what school he went to. He said, "Sunday." It was then I realized a little at-home coaching might be in order! Although, really, since we're unschoolers, that was an accurate answer: Sunday school is the only "school" he goes to.

I love this!