When did playdates stop including both parents? - Page 2

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Also. If I needed to get some housework done, I would "Borrow" a kid or two so my child would play with her friend and leave me alone so I could get stuff done.

I certainly didn't want the parents hanging around unless they were willing to grab a rag and help me.

[bea694]

Originally Posted by WifeMomChiro

I should go ahead and admit that my #1 social anxiety is cooking food for people (other than family).

OP, this is tangential, but I just wanted to tell you that I have huge anxiety issues around this as well. I thought I was the only one!!!!

[contactmaya]

I think at 4ish 5ish most kids are ok without their parents with them on a playdate.
In my case though, i would want to be there on the first couple of playdates. Its not that Im not afraid of leaving my newly 5yo alone with friends. Im not so much concerned about the other parents either. Its more than im interested to get to know ds' friends, and getting to know him with his friends.
I dont care particularly whether i get to know the other parents. We either have chemistry or we dont....

the whole.... 'Hold Onto Your Kids' thing....
Maya

[karanyavel]

I'm probably weird but I'm iffy about leaving my *six* year old with strangers (to me), and even have some issues with it when it comes to DH's parents. That may be because of a bad experience when she was 4 or 5 and DH's mother let her -- and DD couldn't swim independently -- out in the ocean while she (grandma) stayed on shore! This did not sit well with me at all.

I've only recently started sending DD into public restrooms alone, though. I was coming into the stall with her when she was four (to help with clothing, mostly), and at 5, I would wait inside the restroom but outside the stall.

Maybe I'm just a clingy mom :P

--K

[*bejeweled*]

Uhhhm, my DD is almost 8 and I still don't like leaving her with "strangers". Most of her playdates are here. Or with families that we know. And I always go into the public restroom with her (I wait outside the stall). It is really difficult for me to leave her with people that I don't know well.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

We did drop off "play dates" starting around 18 months! Although I guess then you just call it having friends babysit. That's what I think of often for playdates. Ds is 3yo and on days we don't have childcare arranged and we need it, we say we are going to "find him a playdate." Which means get a friend with a similar aged child to babysit him.

Also there are definitely kids who I would have over my house for a playdate when i need to get stuff done because my kid and that kid play so well together I barely need to supervise.

But ds is only 3 and goes to a co-op preschool, so I do *know* most of the families of his friends and most/all of his really good friends I was friends with their parents before he was even born.

[WifeMomChiro]

Thanks for all the input. It has made me evaluate what my concerns are with each individual family a little bit. I recognize that most of this is my issue, but I'm glad I'm not alone.

I got a text yesterday asking her to come over to play and that one probably would have been OK because I've met both parents and the siblings on several occasions. I think I would be pretty comfortable with that family because they all have a good "vibe" but I didn't see the text until too late.

One mom sent a note home with Lexi and I've never actually had a conversation with her because her English is rough. They all speak Hebrew & French, but their dd who is in my dd's class has picked up English. I will definitely have to get to know them better before I will feel comfortable with that one. I just don't know them at all and I'm afraid Lexi won't understand anything they say to her (because I barely understand her in casual hallway talk).

One other mother is single and really admitted that she wants time away from her daughter (while I don't really need that), so I will call her and offer to keep her dd sometime. She actually doesn't go to that school anymore, so dd will be excited to see her.

The other one is tricky and sort of a long story. Her ds has behavioral difficulties and I've talked to my dd about how to model the correct behavior for him instead of avoiding him like the other kids tend to do. He has sort of latched on to her, and his mom really loves my dd. I'm not really sure I can handle him though. I don't know. I'm going on a field trip with the class next week, so I guess we'll see how that goes before I invite him over.

[lilyka]

I can't really think of a time when someone I didn't really know invited my kids over for a playdate. But they were going to playdates alone from the time they were two. By their 4th birthday party I was expecting parents to drop off. I did not have time or money to entertain parents (and their other kids). Even teaching Sunday school this weekend I was annoyed at the parents who stayed. I wanted to tell them to leave because they were so in the way and making my job more difficult than the kids were. Their kids were totally fine and we are fine with kids going back to their parents. When I invited kids over for playdates it was so I could get some stuff done while my child and their child went off to play. It would have totally ruined it for me if the mom stuck around and expected to me to drop what I was doing and chit chat. I mean that was the whole point of the playdate. So I could have some free time while my child had someone to play with. (this worked out at my house or friends house)

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by jacksmamma

OP, this is tangential, but I just wanted to tell you that I have huge anxiety issues around this as well. I thought I was the only one!!!!

I like to cook, but if I am feeling overwhelmed, yet still want to host something, I just invite them over for pizza - and I make a salad.

[Cascadian]

I just wanted to clarify that although my DDs started independent playdates at ~4.5, I knew the families well enough to trust them, mom AND dad. Not like we're all best friends and play bridge together, but enough conversations to know that they're nice, friendly, caring people. There ARE kids whose households I'm not comfortable with, and don't let my kids go over alone.

Sooooo....as long as I know the family, I'm good with independent playdates.

[One_Girl]

My dd was six when she started going to friends homes alone. She had one friend who started doing it when she was four and most of her friends were going alone on playdates by age five.

[Smithie]

I would not assume anything sketchy about my 4 y.o. being invited on a playdate or to a dropoff party. I would assume that the mom wanted to avoid 3 hours of chitchat in the first case, and avoid paying extra fees in the second case.

But my social world is very small, and even if I don't know moms and dads as friends I usually know quite a bit ABOUT them - I know their parents or aunts or cousins or grandmas or bffs, or I've done social service with them or worked with them on a committee or a co-op something. Outside my religious/homeschooling community, I think I'd be more wary, because there would not be that network of contact and experience.

[emaye_to_2]

It depends on several things for me. My DD started going alone to play dates when she turned 4 with preschool friends (I don't know the parents well but I know them enough to feel I trust them). If it was a parent I had any hint of uncomfortableness then no. My DS is 7 and I've dropped him off at home parties but I still attend parties at public locations. In that circumstance I feel like it can't hurt to have extra adults around keeping an eye on the kids. Also, I guess it's just still out of my comfort zone to drop them off at Chuck E Cheese or the bowling alley for ex.

[Bellabaz]

This happened to me this past summer. Dd1 is 3.5. I had arranged a playdate with a kid from her preschool class. A big part of my motivation was to get to know the parents. Imagine my surprise when they arrived, and then asked what time I wanted him picked up! I, like you had only ever seen them at p/u and d/o. We chatted a bit but there is some language barrier on my part so we didn't have any big convos. But it went fine. Dd later went to their house. I ended up staying for a little while and talking with the dad. But it was definitley a surprise for me.

I have to say though, that it is kinda nice. As long as you feel comfortable with the family, its nice to have one less kid for a couple hours to get something done or do something special with my other dd.

[Needle in the Hay]

Originally Posted by DariusMom

I always wonder what it is parents are afraid will happen at another kid's house. (seriously . .. no snark ... . )

My son went to a friend's apartment last week and I thought it would be a drop-off situation (the boys are 9 and 10) but I was invited in and asked what I wanted to drink right away, so I stayed.

As it turned out, there were two other kids there plus the boy's brother and things were a bit crazy with the kids chasing eachother, jumping around, tackling, etc, and during this time they were running out one door onto the balcony and back in through another door so that some of this roughhousing was on the balcony and I think that's dangerous. A kid falling from that height would not be pretty. Since I was there I could tell my son why I didn't want him doing that.

I definitely leave my son places sometimes so it's not like I don't ever let him out of my sight, but when it comes to things like balconies and water (I had an issue with another family and their pool) I would still rather be there to keep an eye on things, at least for awhile longer.

[sillygrl]

My oldest is going to be 8 in a month and I have rarely just dropped him off somewhere. Personally, I don't feel right or something. Not that it's wrong, I just hate feeling like I've "dumped" my kids off on someone. I have issues, lol...

My friend just had a party for her son (who turned 6), and almost all the parents just totally dropped their kids off and left w/o even leaving their number or anything. Plus, some of the kids hadn't even RSVP'd until the morning of the party. We ended up with 20 kids and very few adults and it was chaos. 3 hours later and we were still trying to figure out some of the kid's numbers and one little girl had no idea how to get in touch with her parents. I was shocked, actually. I think I must lead a sheltered life or something. I honestly don't think I could leave my children alone with a stranger. Let alone just dropping them off somewhere without even making sure the adults had some contact info...

[lach]

Originally Posted by sillygrl

My oldest is going to be 8 in a month and I have rarely just dropped him off somewhere. Personally, I don't feel right or something. Not that it's wrong, I just hate feeling like I've "dumped" my kids off on someone. I have issues, lol...

My friend just had a party for her son (who turned 6), and almost all the parents just totally dropped their kids off and left w/o even leaving their number or anything. Plus, some of the kids hadn't even RSVP'd until the morning of the party. We ended up with 20 kids and very few adults and it was chaos. 3 hours later and we were still trying to figure out some of the kid's numbers and one little girl had no idea how to get in touch with her parents. I was shocked, actually. I think I must lead a sheltered life or something. I honestly don't think I could leave my children alone with a stranger. Let alone just dropping them off somewhere without even making sure the adults had some contact info...

How did she invite them if she didn't have any contact information? At 6, I don't think any birthday parties around here are for parents to stay at.