5.5-year-old and school dropoff problems

[NicaG]

My ds started kindergarten about a month ago. He had 3 years of preschool before this year, including 5-day pre-K last year. He never had problems with the morning dropoff at preschool.

We have scheduled bus service, and ds has been riding the bus home every day with no problems. In fact, he loves the bus.

However, the mornings are a different story. For the first two weeks of school, I dropped him off in his classroom, and every day he cried, clung to my arms, etc. The teachers could have been more helpful with the daily transition, but I understand that they are busy and have other kids in the class.

For a few days, ds was okay in the mornings, now he is back to crying again.

I am getting very frustrated because we really need him to either ride the bus or get dropped off in the carline at school. I can't really walk him up to the classroom every day--it's not practical in bad weather, the teachers have basically told us not to, the parking and hassle of getting my 2-year-old out of the car on a busy street is not great, I have other things scheduled in the morning, etc. etc. Every time we bring up the subject, ds basically says he'll never ride the bus or do the carline, and he says he will cry if we try to do either. We have not even tried to get him on the bus in the morning, because I anticipate a crying tantrum at the bus stop.

What would you do? Am I being unreasonable? I am having such a hard time motivating ds to change his attitude, and I'm getting really frustrated by the whole situation. Any thoughts or suggestions would be much appreciated.

[madskye]

Why does he say he is crying? Assuming he doesn't have good reason, I would try to think of something to make the morning bus an exciting alternative. A friend who will be on it? Maybe talk to that mom and ask if that friend could save him a seat? Something special you could put in his backpack just for the bus ride (like a treat, if that's allowed) or some kind of incentive (bribe ) for riding the bus both ways this week? Are there other kids at the bus stop? Do you know any of them?

[claras_mom]

I think that he needs a longer transition to Kindergarten. That said....

Dd1 is in about the same situation your son is, in terms of familiarity with daycare and preschool. Our ritual for the mornings, since school started in late August has been that her dad drops both of us off on the way to work/daycare for dd2. I watch her play on the playground until the bell rings, then say goodbye and watch her go in. Then I walk home. I'm seeing a slow transition away from that, but I wouldn't anticipate being able to just drop her in the carline any time soon. She's never cried, but sometimes is more clingy than other times.

Anyway, it sounds as if it's turning into a power struggle. So the first thing to do is to try to make it something to be solved cooperatively. Dd1 responds moderately well to that strategy--talking it out and helping to find solutions. We don't always do what she suggests, but I've got to say that sometimes she has constructive ideas. I'd email his teachers to confirm that he's doing well once he's in the classroom.

If you have the opportunity to volunteer in the classroom, that could be a good thing too--if he knows that on certain days during the month you're actually going to *be there* for a couple of hours, it might make the rest easier.

ETA: I should say that after I walk home (it's about 10 minutes) I turn around and get in the car to go to work.

[phathui5]

Is he in full-day kindergarten?

Like madskye said, have you talked to him about why he won't ride the bus? You mentioned that the bus is fine in the afternoon. Is there something different about the morning bus? For me, when I was in school I hated the bus because there were older kids that were bullying me.

[claras_mom]

I'm guessing that he likes the afternoon bus because it's the one taking him home, but I agree it would be worth talking about.