Child Support Before Divorce?

[MamaRhi]

So, my ex and I broke up about 6 months ago and I moved out of the house 1-2 months ago (took a month to clean out the house with both kids in tow and very little help from ex). My job ended in August and I am on unemployment. I am living on my friends' land in a 5th wheel trailer. They took me in because I had nowhere else to live. I help them out taking care of their land so that I can homeschool and live here. I'm making do on very little money right now. I get $86/wk from unemployment. I was a stay at home mama for about 12 years and just started working in the last year, so didn't qualify for much. But even my sparse off-the-grid life costs more than $86/ wk. My cell phone got turned off last week and I was totally unreachable. All I have out here is my cell phone, which includes my internet service. Thankfully, my BF tried to call and realized what happened and made a payment for me.

I haven't filed for divorce yet because ex and I had an agreement originally to do the paperwork together and file together. But our child support agreement seems to be optional for him. We agreed to $600/mo. When I used the CA online calculator for CS, it was about twice that. So, he's getting a deal already. In September he gave me $40, but only after he made me ask him directly for money in exactly the right language. (It was ridiculous.) He claimed he was still recovering from the moving costs. (So am I, but the kids don't stop eating because of that!) He kept promising me that October we'd be back to the agreed amount. So then I get this convoluted email that talks about how he won't have much money after paying bills and helping me with money for the kids. Doesn't say anything about NOT giving me money. Thankfully I thought to ask him "Will you be able to give me all or half of the monthly amount this weekend?" I was working out the budget for the week, knowing I had very little money, so it was a good time to find out he was giving me nothing again. Now he's saying that at his midmonth paycheck he will give me some money.

So, what sort of legal recourse do I have at this point? I'm giving him until the end of the month to give me money or make a payment plan with me or I will file for divorce in November on my own. I will most likely qualify for a fee waiver whereas he won't, so he doesn't want to file yet. I've considered applying for food stamps, but two things stop me. 1, I don't want social services to take any of the child support I do get when I get it and, 2, I have a clause in the family estate that I can't inherit anything if I am on public assistance. It's a last resort. Thankfully the people in this mountain community I am now living in are bringing us food and odd jobs for me to do to make money. Also, my BF is an amazing man who has been a loyal friend for several years and is very close with my kids and has been helping me out of little things here and there. It's such a help, but it isn't his job to pay for taking care of my kids. He isn't their dad. He gets around it by paying for things like feeding me when the kids aren't around or buying stuff that is needed when he helps do repairs on my homestead.

I don't feel all that comfortable spilling my whole story here but I also just don't know what to do next. I've been patient but I don't want to be so patient that my kids suffer for it. They're good kids, flexible and resilient, and happy living here in the mountains.

[chel]

i've always heard that a judge won't approve a cs order for what is less than the state's amount.

but i do know for a fact, that in alabama, when you start the process, not sure of the official name, but i had just started the divorce process, and i was able to file for cs and maintance. took about 2 weeks before nsdh was served. he then had 30 days to turn in paperwork (pay stub, etc). for the judge to decide the money issues. the general visitation was also stated. but the final divorce was no where near being finished.

so if i was you i would go ahead and get the paperwork started (either by you or an attorney)

[Oh the Irony]

Yeah, I would go ahead with legal means in November if he doesn't do what is appropriate.

And if your children qualify for a higher amount of support, I would suggest going with it. It is to support your kids and it sounds like you need it. Having it be court ordered doesn't mean you'll get it--but you have a much better shot. It sounds like he is on track to be difficult about it. You don't owe him any favors as far as I know...you need to be thinking about you and your kids here.

[MissLotus]

I haven't filed for divorce yet because ex and I had an agreement originally to do the paperwork together and file together.

Heck with the agreement. You have no money. Your children's basic needs have to be met. File now. I would NOT worry about upholding an agreement with a man who will not provide for his children! Enough is enough, I would think.

[Gremco]

He already isn't holding up the agreement so you don't have to hold up your end. Last November my ex tried to get me to postpone the paperwork and said he would pay the amount of child support I requested and pay half of their medical expenses. I didn't postpone the paperwork and he was now legally obligated to pay what he agreed to. Guess what? He still isn't current, but at least I was able to get the child support to come directly out of his paycheck. It doesn't make the divorce any easier or quicker to file together. Just file.

[mysticmomma]

I am getting CS and we are not legally seperated or anything. We are in counseling hoping to reconcile.

[MissLotus]

[QUOTE=Gremco;15912881]He already isn't holding up the agreement so you don't have to hold up your end. Last November my ex tried to get me to postpone the paperwork and said he would pay the amount of child support I requested and pay half of their medical expenses. I didn't postpone the paperwork and he was now legally obligated to pay what he agreed to. Guess what? He still isn't current, but at least I was able to get the child support to come directly out of his paycheck. It doesn't make the divorce any easier or quicker to file together. Just file.[/QUOTE]

This is true. Also, I went back and realized that your agreement will allow him to pay half of what he legally would owe on child support each month. Why would you agree to that? I can see not taking him to the cleaners - for the sake of "peace" I signed away a whole lot of ex's money because visitation matters were much more important to me - but child support is what the children deserve. So don't voluntarily cut them short! Your "agreement" with your kids comes first, before any agreement with a deadbeat (and yes, someone that gives $40 when it should be $1200 qualifies, at least temporarily). Also, I find it unlikely that when the court realizes that he wants to pay half of what he legally owes each month, the court will think that's cool. So file. The sooner you do, the sooner you can provide better for your kids AND then the longer he does without paying, he will start owing you back-support. There is no upside to waiting this out.

[provocativa]

just echoing the 'file now' sentiment. my xh makes very little money, but i am getting more now, between the filing and the final, then i will get when it's finalized. it's a hard time for the kids, anyway, but they need those funds so that you can keep the extras in their life stable. that really helps out mentally for them. my xh is just having to stay with his sister- he doesn't have enough to live on, with paying for our stuff. so what? and he will probably have to get a second job under the table, but again, so what?

the clause about no public assistance to receive your inheritance is totally bogus. how would they verify it anyway? is it a matter of public record?

[vannienicole]

I got a temporary order of support from the court within 6 weeks. I agree with the fact that he isn't holding up his end, so you shouldn't either.

[lilyka]

I got a temporary order of support the minute I filed. But i had to file first. BUt you can file for a few bucks and the two of you can continue to work out the details yourself. It was another 6 months before the divorce was final. We decided on an agreed amount for the time so it was kinda easy. if he fights it or balks it may be harder. However once support was officially decided on (which in south dakota is separate matter from the divorce, the divorce decree says he will pay child support to be determined by a referee. ) if the amount comes up different than what we are paying one of three things can happen...1)he would have to pay me back child support 2) I would have to pay back overpayment 3) overpayment/ back child support would be considered a wash. For example my support was reduced by $500 a month (ouch!) but the ref decided I should keep that $3000 because it helped cover us while I was getting things together and getting a job. I could have owed it up front. that would have totally sucked.

So um yeah, you can get child support now and it may not even effect you guys agreement to do the divorce by yourself. Ours had nothing to do with the divorce. To go before the referee and have our hearing, get his judgment and sign off on it (we had 30 days to contest it if we thought his ruling unfair and a judge could have decided) and have it made official by the judge (uncontested the judge just took the refs word for it) was completely covered by the state and did not cost us a dime. my lawyer set it up and filed all the paperwork to have the ref but I think it only cost me a few dollars and thats worth it to not have to do paperwork I filed the enforcement paperwork in 5 minutes at DSS.