7 year old girl--concerned : (

[augustjunebug]

Hi moms,

I know it is normal for kids to feel a little overwhelmed at the beginning of the school year (seriously, giving 3rd-4th grade level work to 2nd graders doesn't help). But my daughter, for the second time this year, just refused to pull herself together this morning, cried and said she didn't want to go to school. She finally rallied, and drop off was fine.

She's also been giving lots off attitude, drama, and back-talk. egads. She's quite the little writer (it's genetic on her dad's side of the family) so I peek at some of her journals just out of concern. She wrote that she was mad at me, that she was dumb, and other not-so-great stuff about school, so I'm thinking that her self-esteem is taking a blow here, so I'm trying to build her up a little, but not going over board. NOTE: there is positive, sweet stuff in there, too, like talking about butterflies, fairies, friends, and other good stuff.

Is this normal behavior for a 7 year old girl? When should I get concerned? I'm going to check in with her teacher to see how she's doing in class, and to get some more perspective on the school front. Any advice appreciated.

[luvmybaby333]

My daughter is also 7 and she's very dramatical and moody. She doesn't write super well, but she draws a LOT. We homeschool so I look over everything she does. She will often draw elaborate and drama-filled picture stories. The common theme is that she feels left out since her sister arrived (and her sister is 2 years old). She also draws stories with the common put-upon daughter theme. I asked her to clean her room-- Poor her! All she ever does is clean. She never gets to have fun. All she does is work and she needs someone to rescue her! Then they could ride away on a unicorn. I try to sort through everything and deal with issues as they come up. Eg: Giving her extra attention when she seems to be dwelling on feeling pushed-aside for her sister. Or, taking the day off from lessons to do something fun if she displays that she's feeling like her life is all work and no play.

The things she feels are obviously blown out of proportion to me, but to her they are very valid concerns. I know that her life isn't that awful, but if she's feeling that way then I want to do what I can to help her see things in a more healthy and positive light.

Honestly, I think part of it may be hormone shifts. Her dramatics remind me of my overreactions while pregnant. LOL. I know she's a happy and healthy little girl. She just gets moody sometimes. Sometimes it hurts my felings and has me worried... But I just try to remind myself that I *know* I am taking care of her needs. Sometimes she may require a little extra attention, but that doesn't mean there's something wrong with her or my parenting of her. KWIM?

[phathui5]

Do you have to send her to school? If you don't need the childcare, maybe homeschooling for a season could help her feel less stressed out.

[augustjunebug]

THanks for the replies

luvmybaby, good point. I think that it is important to have those mommy/daughter times when I just focus on her and talk about things. I also keep in mind her love languages, which are touch, and gifts, so I write love notes to her on occasion, and snuggle with her. I need to get writing, just like she likes, and get those love notes to her more often.

Homeschooling, this is always a possibility and worse case scenario for us, but she really does like school and being social, and structured. So I think that even tho she's a little overwhelmed, she'll adapt and I to help her find balance, which is what we're all getting adjusted to. We had a fairly laid-back summer.

[Pyxi]

It's possible she's being bullied. If she is, you need to advocate for her and tell her daily how amazing she is and how loved she is. Give her the self-esteem she needs so she can be aware of her own self-worth and stand up for herself.

http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/memoir...llied-kid.html

[lilmom]

Just curious if you asked her specifically why she was crying about going to school. I went through something similar when I was 7 too, and after a week of me crying everyday about not wanting to go, my mom finally just said, "Honey, why don't you want to go?"

And I confessed to her that the boy who sat behind me was driving me crazy by pulling my pigtails, poking at me, writing me notes professing his love for me, and generally annoying me while I was trying to learn.

My mom made a call to the teacher, who redid the seating chart. And then I was more than happy to go back to school. Probably someone should have talked to me about standing up for myself too, but no one did.

I don't know your daughter's situation but I agree with PP who said it could be bullying or a situation like what I had as a child, where I just had never experienced anything like that before and didn't know what to say or do to defend myself.

I agree too that if there is no definite reason and she just seems to be really struggling maybe homeschooling would work. You could get into a homeschooling association where she can still be with other kids at times and also you could make it very structured too.

I hope you get to the bottom of it and can help your sweet girl! Good luck mama and good for you for being concerned about her.

[meemee]

my 8 year old is still adjusting to going back to school.

btw it sounds like she is having an emotional growth spurt.

it also could be the start of prepuberty - all the hormonal changes.

school means back to regiment, back to having to do stuff they dont want to do.

this usually lasts about a month after school starts.

esp. if she is an anxious child.

[joycenjackiesmom]

I have a 7 year old second grader as well. I have also noticed a lot more moodiness, back talking and "attitude" since school began. She has also been expressing reluctance to go to school in the mornings and has asked me if I can get a sub and let her stay home with me. At the end of the day she usually says she had a good day. I think in her case part of it may that she is realizing that even though she will always be the "baby" of the family she is growing up and is no longer a baby and she doesn't like it. I think I will also try spending some extra one on one time with her.

[DaughterOfKali]

My 7 yr old ds is pretty much doing the same thing. I do know that it's difficult for my son, though, because of his sensory issues and lack of social skills.

Have you spoken with (in person) the school psychologist? She/he may be able to help.

[pinky]

I certainly observed that my daughter and many of her friends went through at rough patch at around 7-8.

At nine, she's back to being her charming self again.

But I do think talking to her about why she is crying seems really important.

[harrietsmama]

I would check on bullying, talking to her teacher is a great idea, actually I emailed with my daughter's teacher at least once a week and it was great because we had a good idea of what was working and what wasn't for Harriet over all. My son's teacher and he was having a horrible year last year. He was bullied, she ignored him, the principal didn't help. I got the most help from the school social worker. We chose to homeschool this year, partly because I am so fed up with the schools - it was a huge time suck, boring, and I wasn't happy with the social style. I didn't see any signs of mutual respect with any of the kids. We stuck it out for 4 years and most of the kids were just plain rude. I was tired of correcting behavior, dragging them through painful homework...Blah

I am so happy I kept them home. We are loving our homeschool group, they get to read so much more which they like, my daughter is enjoying math now instead of crying over it because we don't do worksheets or drills, we explore concepts through projects like making curtains for her room. We are having a blast together and my son actually has friends now!!!