Intro and salutations : )

[MamaLatte]

Hi, Mamas!

My name is Candace, and I am engaged to Laura. I have two kids from a previous marriage (to a fella). I'm also the features editor at Mothering.

I am really seeking community in a way I haven't before. Laura and I moved in together in July, and we are both truly in the parenting zone in a way that she was not when we weren't all in the same house. My kids' dad has the kids part-time, so we do have one-on-one time, still, which is good for us.

But we do feel like lesbian moms together in a new way. My kids LOVE Laura, and they love my ex Peter's wife; they brag about having 3 moms.

I feel like I've gotten more political since we moved in together. Facebook brings it out of me. All this stuff about same-sex marriage, gay teens committing suicide...it's radicalizing me.

Also, I should mention that Mothering is looking to include more same-sex parenting stories in Mothering. We have literally gotten 3 submissions (out of thousands) from lesbian moms in the 6 years I've worked here. So I'd love some more!

My mothering.com blog is www.mothering.com/candacewalsh.

I look forward to getting to know y'all. I used to do a lot of posting at HipMama and Rebel Mamas Coop back in the day.

xo
Candace

[escher]

Hi Candace! Welcome! I look forward to getting to know you!

[Pearl1]

Welcome, Candace!!

I'd love to see more stories in Mothering about lesbian moms; you'll have to keep us posted!
 

Edited by Pearl1 - 2/14/12 at 7:42am

[starling&diesel]

Welcome, Candace! Let us know if we can do anything to help get us queer mamas in the frame!

[MamaLatte]

I love that name, "abeecharmer"--my dw-to-be told me I was one back in the early days of our fallin' in love. Fried Green Tomatoes!

Well, in terms of help, if you know of any lesbian mama writers, send them my way at candacew at mothering dot com.

I really want queer mamas "in the frame," I like that phrase.

I just got this snipey comment on my blog. "Congratulations on your success, what does that have to do with natural parenting?" I had shared a Publisher's Weekly review of my new anthology, Dear John, I Love Jane: Women Write About Leaving Men for Women. I kind of hate the under-the-surface nastiness that just can't wait to jump out sometimes. I did not deign to take the bait, but hello. I'm a natural parent, and I put the book together. End of story. It does have lots of moms in it. But I just didn't feel like I had to make my case to a hostile person. Exhale. ykwim?

My dad and stepmom stopped talking to me as soon as I told them Laura and I got engaged. Mind you, we've been engaged for a while. We just didn't shout it from the rooftops. They were fine with us just...hanging out together, but not tying the knot. Oh well, perhaps they'll come around, perhaps not.

[AmandaHope]

Hi, Candace. Welcome! I do know a few lesbian mama writers and will tell them to have a look at your blog. What are you looking for in terms of features? Non-bio mom stories? Birth stories? Stories about children's identities as the kids of queer parents? Portrait of a family type stories? Whatever you're looking for, I hope you find it! Mothering needs more queer moms, for sure. Maybe I'll even start subscribing again! (Stopped a few yrs ago since my DD is 8, now, and most of it seemed less relevant than when she was little).

As for your commenter and your dad and stepmom-- and . You sound really balanced, but those are hard responses to handle. Your kids are very lucky to have so many loving caregivers and parents in their lives!

[Diane B]

Originally Posted by MamaLatte

Hi, Mamas!


Also, I should mention that Mothering is looking to include more same-sex parenting stories in Mothering. We have literally gotten 3 submissions (out of thousands) from lesbian moms in the 6 years I've worked here. So I'd love some more!

My mothering.com blog is www.mothering.com/candacewalsh.

I think you can look at this forum for starters - there is very little about parenting, it's mostly about conception and pregnancy! For me, that would be because aside from the start of our family being a little unconventional and having a few additional challenges, the actual parenting part is about 97% the same as our straight friends. My partner and I were out long before having our daughter, we live in a progressive urban area, etc. so honestly, I wouldn't have anything uniquely lesbian to submit.

I would say that I would LOVE Mothering and other similar venues to drop the whole "Mama is the primary parent/Daddy is the supportive helper" scenario during infancy/early childhood, and the "Mommy stays home, preferably homeschooling/Daddy works" scenario later on. Doesn't work so well in a lesbian context. Yes, it's possible for a child to have two (or more) equally involved parents, to be strongly attached to more than one mother/parent, and to have basic emotional and physical needs, including nursing and feeding, met by more than one person. Plus women generally earn a lot less than men and most of us don't make the kind of income that can support an entire family, even if we wanted to structure our lives that way. Just sayin'.

[lyn_ftst]

Originally Posted by Diane B

I would say that I would LOVE Mothering and other similar venues to drop the whole "Mama is the primary parent/Daddy is the supportive helper" scenario during infancy/early childhood, and the "Mommy stays home, preferably homeschooling/Daddy works" scenario later on....Yes, it's possible for a child to have two (or more) equally involved parents, to be strongly attached to more than one mother/parent, and to have basic emotional and physical needs, including nursing and feeding, met by more than one person.

Hear hear. Yes. This. Exactly.

[KSDoulaMama]

Originally Posted by MamaLatte

I just got this snipey comment on my blog. "Congratulations on your success, what does that have to do with natural parenting?" I had shared a Publisher's Weekly review of my new anthology, Dear John, I Love Jane: Women Write About Leaving Men for Women. I kind of hate the under-the-surface nastiness that just can't wait to jump out sometimes. I did not deign to take the bait, but hello. I'm a natural parent, and I put the book together. End of story. It does have lots of moms in it. But I just didn't feel like I had to make my case to a hostile person. Exhale. ykwim?

Welcome. I do follow your Mothering blog already and it's so nice to know that there's someone up there at Mothering who is sticking up for us queer parents!

About the above comment, I have thought about this as well, in regards to the queer parenting forum on these discussion boards. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the existence of this community- but I wondered what queer parenting had to do with natural parenting. However, in a few short seconds I could think of several areas where queer parenting and natural parenting merged. A few examples? Our conception story (the switch from clinic IUI inseminations to at-home DIY inseminations,) our search to find a LGBT-friendly homebirth midwife, and our adventures in co-breastfeeding. Good for you for not taking the bait.

[MamaLatte]

Thank you for your feedback and replies, mamas. I really appreciate it.

I think that's an interesting point--that the mom/dad paradigm doesn't quite fit when it comes to the two lesbian mamas paradigm. And how cool is that--that both moms can find their roles without having to wrestle with a traditional structure/understanding of what they "should" be doing? I'd love to hear more about that, especially since I really enjoy watching my partner engage with the kids on lots of different levels, although I met her when my youngest was 3. We didn't do the early neonatal thing together...

To respond to the other question, I think we'd like to get stories by lesbian moms where the moms just happen to be gay, and they're living their lives, being parents, having challenges, and epiphanies--like heterosexual parents do--but are also having their own experiences. We ran a feature on how to respond if your kid comes out to you, and we got great feedback but one person wrote in to say "I don't want to read a story that's all about how you CAN be supportive and cool if your kid comes out; I want that to be a given. And I want to read about families who have same-sex parents without it being the point of the article--more that it's normal, too, and part of the context, but not pointed at so much," and I thought that was astute.