My father died.

[celestialdreamer]

I hadn't seen him or heard from since I was 7. I was contacted by my uncle (his younger brother) this past weekend through facebook of all places. I have been estranged from that side of my family all this time. I had a crappy abusive childhood and a terrible stepfather. My father was not a nice person and I know I was better off without him in my life, but part of me will always be that broken little girl that desperately wanted her Daddy. There is never the chance to change anything now. I will never have a father.

I have been invited to an informal memorial since the rest of the family was estranged as well for reasons they dont know. Apparently his girlfriend had him cremated and didn't even notify anyone. I very much want to meet this family that I have wondered about my whole life...but I am so scared of it. I thought the emotional wounds were healed and I would be okay when this time came (which I knew it would). I had been having some issues with feeling very lonely in my life recently and hearing of his passing and remembering the saddness of my childhood...I just feel like such a broken, messed up person. I can't really talk to anyone IRL about this loss because there is just so much to it
I know eventually I will be okay, I just needed to get this out somewhere so I can process.

[Aubergine68]

I'm so sorry. Peace be with you, as you come to terms with this loss.

[texmati]

I'm so very sorry. It's a lot to process at once.

[raelize]

i am so sorry for you. i hope you find peace.

[rainbow_mandala]

I wish you ease with the healing of your grief and feelings of abandonment.