Toddler nursing... and terrible twos (yelling BOOBIE!)

[Crystalyn]

My daughter is 20 months and I think we're just entering the challenging period that people refer to as the "terrible two's". And, it's hard. My main challenge regarding nursing is that she wants to nurse when SHE wants to nurse and it doesn't where we are. I'm open to nursing in public, but prefer to do it discreetly, not in the middle of the grocery isle.

Unfortunately, instead of the word "nurse" or something else, she learned "boobie" from my husband and I haven't been able to get her to change it to anything else. We can be in the middle of Target, Costco, the grocery store, the mall, etc and if she decides she wants to nurse, she starts screaming "boobie, boobie, boobie" and starts reaching down my shirt for my nipple, pinches it and tries to lift my breast out of my shirt with the nipple as the handle. I do my best to divert her politely, but have often ended up leaving my full shopping cart so we can go to the car to nurse.

Any suggestions on how to get her to stop yelling "boobie" wherever/whenever she wants to nurse, and how to get her to not help herself by manhandling my nipple? I would much prefer her to ask nicely :-)

Man thanks for advice :-)

[sonshine_rae]

Teach her to sign milk? She's right at the age where we started having some boundaries of when and how nursing happened.. for my sanity and my babies learning to be polite!

We used to call it 'Mama milk' with my last nursling .. he shortened it to just milk .... or 'want milk' lol

[Crystalyn]

She knows how to sign milk, but only uses the sign for cows milk... she doesn't make the connection between nursing and milk. But -- we can work on that more. I'm afraid this may have gone on too long... she used to call it "beebo" - her word for nipple, but now it's boobie, and it's a little embarrassing when men stop and stare because they hear the word yelled over and over at the top of her lungs. I usually use the word nurse, but can switch to "momma's milk" to see if that could work for her. I'm really just wanting her to ask, instead of demand or help herself; understand appropriate/inappropriate times; and use a different word.

I'm really starting to get nervous about tandem nursing. Hopefully she will be understanding and not jealous...

[sonshine_rae]

Can't help you on the tandem nursing, as I've weaned twice in pregnancy, and this last time right before pregnancy (likely the cause of.. pg ha).

But if your willing to deal with whining/small tantrums you can just explain to her she only gets it if she asks nicely (give her a word with a sign if possible). And stick to it.. as best you can. It's tough though.

My last one was so cute he used to sign 'more' 'milk' and 'please' in rapid fashion LOL..

[feelinhot]

I would agree with not letting her nurse unless she asks in a different way. I'm sure it will be hard at first but she should be able to understand not to manhandle mommy, especially in public. If you did teach her a sign you could a least move her hands to sign if she won't say a different word. I'm not sure if that's the best idea but good luck!

[MamaChef]

I cant handle when my body is not respected, so I started teaching DD what that meant early. I think we only had to endure one public tantrum over me not wanting to nurse right.then

Can you stay close to home for a few days and work on nursing manners? When she isnt polite she doesnt get what she wants. Period. You can offer her something else. You can talk to her about how it makes Mommy happy when she asks nicely. You can really dote on her when she waits for you to get to a good stopping point in whatever you are doing to nurse.

Then, when you go out for a couple weeks take DH with you as much as possible and if she doesnt listen she will need to go w/Daddy outside or to the car while you finish. Daddy shouldnt scold or punish, but just be w/ her while you finish. He shouldnt do anything super fun though.

At 2, my daughter would have much rather stayed with me and been patient then go out with Dad to do anything short of play at a park

When you are out alone, tell her to be patient. Mommy will nurse her as soon as you guys are done in the store and make good on your promise. Bring lots of distractions on these trips to pull out.. different baggies of food.. even more once in a while snacks to pull out as the big guns at the end. Shorter outings make it better.. try not to abandon your cart and finish if at all possible. She will get it if you can be consistant for just a little bit. At 2, they are finally starting to "get it".

Good luck!

[jnet24]

My DD is 22 months old and quite the nursing demander. She does exactly what your DD does but instead of boobie she screams nurse, lays across me, and signs milk. It was, and stil is sometimes, so frustrating to deal with, but I found a few things that help.
1. Don't allow bad nursing manners at home at all. I would take DD off and say no nursies until you stop kicking me, pinching, etc When she wanted to nurse she has to calmly say\ sign please.No grabbing at my shirt, nipple, screaming nurse at me. It is easier at home to start a good fountation for good manners, then while you have the whole store looking at you.

2. Ask if she wants to nurse before we go in.

3. Avoid shopping at times when she will really need\ want to nurse. Like nap time and late at night.

3. While there if she asks, I tell her she has to wait till we get in the car, or home, or whatever it may be. I destract her with helping me shop, a snack, even if I have to open one I havent paid for yet. But I do not nurse until we are done. I may hurry up, or prioitize but I make her wait.

4. The hardest thing to do but the one that worked the best is to stick to number 3. I felt awful at first allowing her to throw a huge fit. But I couldnt give in, because when I did it made the next time even worse.

Good luck, I know how hard it is.

[Crystalyn]

Thanks for all of the advice. We're really going to start working on nursing manners, and I hope life gets easier in the next couple of weeks. If not, I may have to seriously consider weening her, because she hurts me physically, and makes life a little miserable at times because she wants to nurse.

Today, we went to an activity that we go to several times a week, and in the middle of circle time, she threw herself on the floor and started screaming and biting the floor. When I picked her up to comfort her, her hand immediately went down my shirt, she pinched my nipple hard and started yelling "BOOBIE!" over and over again. We got up, left the circle and I told her that we couldn't nurse right then and if she didn't calm down, we'd have to leave. We went back to the circle, she started yelling boobie again, so we left.

When she starts yelling "boobie" and I'm available to nurse her, I've asked her to say "nurse, please". And she does, ever so sweetly, but the next time she wants to nurse, she starts yelling boobie again.

Hopefully these good nursing manners will kick in soon. Whenever she wants a banana, plumb, etc, she always says please and thank you. I feel so used...

[D_McG]

I also weaned in pregnancy (and before pregnancy this time because nursing during pregnancy was so horrible for me the last time!). But with my last child I stopped nursing outside the house around a year and set a predictable schedule around 18 mos. Actually, earlier I think. So that meant there were no unexpected nursing demands.

It worked for us and I plan on doing the same with the next baby.

[bcblondie]

I think the nursing manners is a good plan. I also wanted to suggest try teaching her "boo" instead of boobie. I know you said you've tried other words, but maybe since boo is so similar to boobie she'll go for it?
I was so scared my son would say boobie. Because *I* call it boobie. I dunno why. It's an affectionate term to me. I was thrilled when the other day he said "boo" (instead of just lifting my shirt like he used to.) This much more out-in-public friendly.

[Skrimpy]

I think you have gotten great advice from the other ladies. Being firm is important.

It can be really hard to get toddlers to *say* what you want them to. You could, however, try telling her "no" unless she uses a word you find acceptable. I like the suggestion of "boo" or you could use a totally different word. We use "nummies" and my 23mo will sing the praises of nummies at various places we go, lol.

I would totally remove her from situations out and about where she has a tantrum. If she starts, that's it - you pack up and leave. Calmly, but firmly. Just let her know you won't stay if she's going to behave like that.

At home, I agree with the PP and their "zero tolerance" policy for bad nursing manners at home. You need to make it clear to her that there are limits. If she starts a fit at home, pull the shirt down and put her down!

Galen has been upset lately that I won't always nurse when he wants to, but I have been much more firm about it now that I'm pregnant - it's almost instictual just to firmly tell him "no" or "too bad darling!" I've been offering him "cuddles" when I can't nurse just then. He's not happy about it, but is getting better at accepting it.

Another thing - if she is hurting you, I would put her down and say "ouch." If you don't want her to feel like she's hurting you, say "let's stop now, Mama's nummies/nipples/boo/whatever is hurting." Children generally don't want to hurt Mom, even if they're small

[ryleeee]

Originally Posted by Crystalyn

Hopefully these good nursing manners will kick in soon. Whenever she wants a banana, plumb, etc, she always says please and thank you. I feel so used...

YES! i totally hear what you are saying. i nursed my son until he was 4 but i found his bad manners MORTIFYING and we spent a lot of time working on having manners or i would absolutely refuse to nurse him. at 22 months she is not solely depending on your milk so don't feel bad refusing to nurse her if she throws a huge tantrum...she will live! and she will get it...

it works...it gets better...

[Beppie]

I don't really have any advice, just wanted to offer you support. Two years old is still such a little child. I really can't imagine how to have her change her word. But I do wonder if distraction might work. It has definitely helped me get through some rough times with my kids, especially when we are out in public!

[Parker'smommy]

I agree with all of the suggestions. Nursing manners are a must!

ALso, can you wear a bra for a little while so that she is unable to reach into your shirt, grasp your nipple, and pull out your breast ( OUCH!!!) Not having access to your breasts in public is not cruel. I would also stop her immediately from even putting her hand in your shirt at all. SHe needs to respect you and your body.
Good luck!

[sarafi]

Hugs to you! I totally hear you and we do practice nursing manners at home, but sometimes you have been out too long or distracted and they will let you know what they need :-) I think it is really just the age and the fact that I tend to give in...

Mine screams: "JEW" at the top of his lungs when he wants to nurse if that makes you feel better.

I also think that bad manners in general tend to embarrass Mama's and the fact that we let our babies nurse past 6 months adds to that whether we acknowledge it or not. If your kids forgets to say please or freaks out about wanting to go to the bathroom no one is embarrassed. We just deal with it, and teach our kids and move on. If a two year old is thirsty/hungry/hurt and wants to nurse we have the added stress of accommodating that in a culture that thinks this is "weird".

So I say, don't stress. If you need to say no, do it with no qualms. Distract/ bribe, whatever you need to do to get things done. If you just need to nurse then do what you feel is right for your baby, and stare anyone down who dares to question you. No one gets to pull on my nipples and hurt me to get what they want, but if all the stars align and we really do HAVE to nurse in Costco we do it.

[Crystalyn]

Originally Posted by Parker'smommy

I agree with all of the suggestions. Nursing manners are a must!

ALso, can you wear a bra for a little while so that she is unable to reach into your shirt, grasp your nipple, and pull out your breast ( OUCH!!!) Not having access to your breasts in public is not cruel. I would also stop her immediately from even putting her hand in your shirt at all. SHe needs to respect you and your body.
Good luck!

:-) I ALWAYS wear a bra. She just reaches into the bra and pulls me out of bra and shirt! And I do pull her hand out of my shirt as soon as I am able to, but sometimes I don't have a free hand immediately.

... it's tough raising such a spirited little girl...

[kissum]

I think you've gotten a lot of great advice here. I also think she's at an age where she can learn appropriate nursing behavior, and it's okay to NOT nurse her after she's had a screaming tantrum in the store. I found for me that switching DD to signing milk was helpful, since then not everyone around me had to know what she was asking for. And around your DD's age, I stopped tolerating grabbing my shirt/shouting for milk. Once it was consistent that she had to be polite at home and when we were out, it got a lot better. And we went on to have a great nursing relationship until she was a little over 3.