sensitive 5yo & preschool anxiety-- thoughts please

[SweetPotato]

My dd is almost 5yo and has been having a rough time with drop-offs at preschool this year. She went for the last 3 months last spring and LOVED it, but has been very concerned about teh new teachers, new kids, etc. this year. It's now been a full month (2x per week- so 8 times) and she's still unhappy about me leaving her-- BUT every time I pick her up she's smiling and tells me how much fun she had. So, literally, every morning I'm sick to my stomach after leaving her and insisting to myself that I'm never doing it again, and then I pick her up and see that she IS enjoying it and feel like we should keep trying. What are your thoughts? How long would you keep trying? Things seem to have improved a bit since last week (when she worried about it all weekend and woke up crying in the night saying she didn't want to go) She goes tomorrow and goes back and forth between randomly picking up a leaf on our walk and saying she's going to bring it to school for the science table and then telling me that she's worried about school and doesn't want to be away from me. She'd love for me to stay with her (which I've done), but I teach a class once a week while she's in class- so I really can't stay on that day, and I worry that staying on Tues but not Thurs might just be more confusing.

I have to admit, I've been VERY tempted to just get a sitter to watch her while I'm in class and try preschool again in the spring if she's interested. But my husband is adamant that we stick with it, and I don't want to send her the message that I think there's anything wrong with school, or that I think she can't handle it. Her teachers assure me that she cries for one minute and then interacts just like everyone else-- but I think it was the 2nd day after I picked her up she was initially smiling, but then got in the car and said "I held my crying in"-- and that really just breaks my heart. Help. I am so torn. I keep saying "let's try one more day- maybe she'll get over the hump and start looking forward to it"- and I guess that's where I still am- but I feel like I need to set some limit where I say "we will not go beyond X point if she's still unhappy." But then I pick her up and she seems happy. I wish it was more clear-cut!

[Peony]

Somewhere on here there is a very recent thread that I had about my DD2 who is doing the same thing. With a lot of work, it is getting better. With my DD2, the anxiety on the days off was getting to be a lot. School has been going for 6 weeks now and she was also waking up at night crying, crying while we were driving there. Drop offs went from her bouncing happily away to clinging to me screaming, refusing to go.

The preschool has been really willing to work with me. I started taking DD2 in on her days off just to hang out for an hour with me there and no pressure that I was going to leave soon. Her teacher also felt that one day there, one day off was too much for DD2, so this week and next we are trying two days in a row. I have a similar work set up like you do, I have to work one day she is there and the other day I work at home so she could be with me worst case. I was thisclose to quitting and had given it last week as the "make it or break it" week and slowly things are turning around. Today was the best day she has had in a while. She was the same as your DD, while she was there and I was gone, she was fine but days off and drop offs were a nightmare and just killing me. If it doesn't work out, there is no shame in stopping it and trying again in the spring. A few months can be huge for a child's maturity level.

[OTMomma]

I've been there. I'm not sure there is any good clear cut answer. I had my oldest dd at a preschool that years later I can look back at and see that it was just a bad fit for my dd. At the time, I made grand assumptions that if this preschool didn't work, none would, but I think that was wrong. The school I chose presented themselves as a fun, playbased space, but it turned out that the undertrained teachers were pushing certain academic activities on the kids and stressing my dd out. Anyway, my point is, that I think you should really examine the school and the teachers to see if they are giving her the positive, loving enviornment she needs. I would stay on a day that you can, and try to think about the place from your dd's point of view- are the teachers respectful of the kids? Do the kids know what is coming next? Do the kids interact well with each other (bullies happen even in preschool)? Recongize that the teachers may be extra nice to your child with you there, but watch how they treat the other kids too.

Personally, I ended up pulling my dd out of preschool at Christmas time, it was a natural end to the semester- but I wish I had done it sooner. I had a friend with kids dd's age keep her the rest of the year, and it worked out much better for us.