Not teaching the standard toddler things... (update #42) - Page 4

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by lach

I've been thinking about this thread, and I really really hope that I'm not being presumptuous but it struck me as a little bit odd that various people are trying to do things like teach her "high five" and "so big" (which I've never heard of, but I guess it's regional?) and she's not really responding. Babies and toddlers tend to mirror actions as practically a reflex, and usually pick up on games like that with very, very little exposure.

The OP answered this one up thread. Her dd isn't actually being shown these things, she's having strangers do stuff like holding their hands up for a high five. She's not even seeing the stuff being asked for, let alone anyone trying to really teach it.

[lach]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

The OP answered this one up thread. Her dd isn't actually being shown these things, she's having strangers do stuff like holding their hands up for a high five. She's not even seeing the stuff being asked for, let alone anyone trying to really teach it.

Yes, but I never "taught" my kids to high five... it only took one stranger showing them how to do it before each caught on. I'm sure they'd never seen it before: it's not like DH and I wander around high fiving. Babies and young toddlers are very social creatures who feed off of positive feedback in social situations, and who tend to pick up on this sort of thing very quickly. If there are a bunch of relatives and strangers trying to get this child to high five, even in passing, and she just doesn't really understand, I think that it might be something to ask her ped about.

[physmom]

Originally Posted by lach

Yes, but I never "taught" my kids to high five... it only took one stranger showing them how to do it before each caught on. I'm sure they'd never seen it before: it's not like DH and I wander around high fiving. Babies and young toddlers are very social creatures who feed off of positive feedback in social situations, and who tend to pick up on this sort of thing very quickly. If there are a bunch of relatives and strangers trying to get this child to high five, even in passing, and she just doesn't really understand, I think that it might be something to ask her ped about.

Sapphire is right. Basically what happened was our doorman holds up his hand and asks for one (it's happened a few times but relatively irregularly) but he never models how to do it. A bit part of that too is that DD's going through a really shy phase right now. I actually posted awhile back about how she is mute around other kids. At home she talks up a storm but it takes her a little while to open up to strangers. So it doesn't surprise me at all that she wouldn't pick this up from him. Yes, she seems him often when we leave and come back but she won't even verbalize a "hello" (but she'll wave). This is a kind who has a large vocabularly and speaks in sentences...

I do think DD probably has some sensory issues but she's very social and also does know a number of hand games/songs. Like I mentioned before she can do a number of songs from signing time videos (both sign and sings them together). She also knows hand games from DH's culture. The grandparents show her stuff but it's over skype so it's really not the same level of exposure. She can repeat words after hearing them for the first time (if they are easy enough) and the same for signs so she does pick up stuff but the context for the high 5 was just not something where she's learn it. I guess I could test her tomorrow and show her how to do and see if she picks up on it. She's already in bed for the night so I can't do it now...

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by physmom

I actually posted awhile back about how she is mute around other kids. At home she talks up a storm but it takes her a little while to open up to strangers. So it doesn't surprise me at all that she wouldn't pick this up from him. Yes, she seems him often when we leave and come back but she won't even verbalize a "hello" (but she'll wave). This is a kind who has a large vocabularly and speaks in sentences...

The other day I took DS to a birthday party. He was all excited about it & had practiced saying & singing Happy Birthday using his friend's name & everything. We got to the party & when I suggested he say "Happy Birthday" to the little girl, he freaked out & bolted toward the door! He won't talk to other kids at all (and is very limited in talking to adults) usually won't say more than hi & bye if that. And like your DD he has hundreds of words & sentences etc. I probably mentioned a lot of that in your other post but thought I'd share the bday party incident.

I do think things you've mentioned in the past might be 'things to keep an eye on' but I don't think her lack of high-fives signifies autism. She is obviously very intelligent but also very sensitive from the sounds of it, and I wonder if her social anxiety or just lack of awareness of social expectations might be hindering her ability to pick up on these kinds of things. Or it may just be that she needs someone to really show her.

[sapphire_chan]

Eh, my dd went through a phase of stage fright. E.g. we'd be 50 ft from the bear puppet that greets kids at the preschool section of the children's museum. She'd be saying "MR BEAR Hiiii!!!! Mr. Bear! Mr. Bear!!!!" and *running* she'd get to 10 ft of the puppet (which she used to hug) and would stop cold and need me to carry her up. And she'd only touch it about half the time while in my arms.

This past Friday, she walked right up to the bear puppet, gave it a high five, a hug, and looked at the face of the person holding it to ask about the bear's nose.

She's even waving to people who say "hi baby" and smiling at cashiers. Total difference since last month.

[physmom]

So... just out of curiosity this morning I showed DD how to high-5. She figured it out immediately and then brought all her dolls over to high 5 too. Yeah, I think it's definitely more about stranger anxiety than having problems learning it.

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

The other day I took DS to a birthday party. He was all excited about it & had practiced saying & singing Happy Birthday using his friend's name & everything. We got to the party & when I suggested he say "Happy Birthday" to the little girl, he freaked out & bolted toward the door! He won't talk to other kids at all (and is very limited in talking to adults) usually won't say more than hi & bye if that. And like your DD he has hundreds of words & sentences etc. I probably mentioned a lot of that in your other post but thought I'd share the bday party incident.

I do think things you've mentioned in the past might be 'things to keep an eye on' but I don't think her lack of high-fives signifies autism. She is obviously very intelligent but also very sensitive from the sounds of it, and I wonder if her social anxiety or just lack of awareness of social expectations might be hindering her ability to pick up on these kinds of things. Or it may just be that she needs someone to really show her.

Yep, that does sound like something DD could do it. I've been thinking more about her being mute and I wonder if it's part of how I deal with her talking? Since she doesn't articulate well I tend to repeat her phrases so others understand her (even DH has problems at times). Maybe she's learning from that that she talks to mom (or dad) and they have to translate to everybody else?

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

This past Friday, she walked right up to the bear puppet, gave it a high five, a hug, and looked at the face of the person holding it to ask about the bear's nose.

She's even waving to people who say "hi baby" and smiling at cashiers. Total difference since last month.

That is so cute! I'm not too worried about her not talking to other kids anymore. I figure it will come with time, but I do look forward to having incidents like you described.

[sapphire_chan]

Does she get any time with younger kids? DD started out by talking to "babies" (i.e. 1-3 year olds)

[physmom]

Our doorman asked for a high-5 today when we took our laundry downstairs and DD actually gave him one...

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Does she get any time with younger kids? DD started out by talking to "babies" (i.e. 1-3 year olds)

Not too much. Occasionally at playdates if a mom will bring a younger child with. At her daycare she did and that was a really great experience for her but at the park you don't see too many younger kids. She gets really concerned around them, though, and keeps talking about "baby crying". I think it freaks her out that babies use crying as a form of communication (and, ironically, this is a kid who has a good set of lungs on her!).