Friends don't want us to visit - Page 2

[japonica]

Originally Posted by Emmeline II

It doesn't sound like you see them much anyway .

Just give them time to get through the new parent hyper-protectiveness. Obviously your baby survived having unvaxed siblings, eventually that will sink in.

It could be worse; someone on the main vax board posted awhile ago that their children were banned from the home of their first cousins (twins) for two YEARS because the poster's children were unvaxed.

You could say that you understand as the number of pertussis cases are particularly high this year, but that you hope they know that the vaccine does not prevent transmission of Pertussis so any visitors pose a risk -- though true, it may be viewed as passive-aggressive so it may be better not to say it...

I had this in mind as well. I would wish them all the best but gently remind them that the DTaP and Tdap do not prevent transmission of the bacteria, so they should not allow anyone with mild cold-like symptoms to visit, even if they say that they've had a booster. Honestly, the amount of people I've met who say, "Oh, well, if they've had a booster, it'll be safe." My husband was up to date on his pertussis when he gave it to our DS.

I do hope that once the baby is older (and the parents start doing their vaxes) then they'll stop with the hard line. The kid can't be kept in a bubble its whole life and there will be plenty of people out there, vaccinated or not or somewhat, who have the potential to transmit all sorts of illnesses.

[harli]

I agree with the previous poster. For the safety of their kid(s) they need to be a little more educated on WC and the vaccine for it. They need to know that vax'ed kids can get full blown cases (ask me how I know this) and that they can get it from other vax'ed people. If I were you I would tell them that I respect their decisions and since I know they are concerned parents I know they would want to read the following information. Then provide them with info on how the vax doesn't prevent transmission.

[tallulahma]

Originally Posted by harli

I agree with the previous poster. For the safety of their kid(s) they need to be a little more educated on WC and the vaccine for it. They need to know that vax'ed kids can get full blown cases (ask me how I know this) and that they can get it from other vax'ed people. If I were you I would tell them that I respect their decisions and since I know they are concerned parents I know they would want to read the following information. Then provide them with info on how the vax doesn't prevent transmission.

exactly this.

i would just let them know we wouldnt be vaxing our kids and leave it up to them to decide when/if they wanted to hang out again.

[caned & able]

No one should visit their home for two to six months if they are that afraid of pertussis. The baby should stay home and they should be extremely careful who and what they come in contact with when they are away from the home.

The vaccine itself is at best 59-78% effective and if one or both of the parents gets the vaccine, the baby can get pertussis from them.

But then, they cannot blame anyone else, can they? Or can they?

At any rate, it is their call, and your fault.

[ILoveMyBabyBird]

man this kind of mentality is really strange to me. Do they not plan to leave the house ever? And when they go to the market and someone has a kid there is coughing are they going to freak out? My ds has a cough right now, from allergies, some may think he has whooping cough when he is out, you have no clue what others have in the general public.

[november]

I'm sorry, mama. That really stinks. I hope it isn't a permanent requirement and they ease up after a while and realize they're being a little over the top. I mean, it's their choice to make and I understand that, but it's really crappy for you.

This is something I am afraid of happening to me so I don't ever discuss DD's vaccination status w/ anyone. Don't even want to go there!

[junipermuse]

I just wanted to post a little update. Dh called our friends to get more information and they confirmed that yes EVERYONE in their family will be getting boosters, so it isn't just children, and that they only want to keep non vaxed folks away until she gets her first shot at 2 months. So its a lot better than I was thinking before. We can wait 2 months to see the baby. I had wanted to go down earlier (before they had mentioned the vax thing), but dh was hoping we could hold off on going back to LA until after the new year, so I think that just makes that decision easier. I don't think I'll bother having the kids' titers done either, since it really doesn't matter at this point. I do think in retrospect I was assuming the worst without all the information. I think it was bringing up a lot of bad feelings from another situation where I lost a friend partially over a parenting situation where I was unwilling to put my friend's wants over my child's needs. I realize now though that our friends weren't really asking us to do that.

[mamaofthree]

this is so strange to me... do people really keep people away from their kids for months at at time? i have always taken my kids out into the world, even as wee-little babies.

maybe your friends will feel better after they have had their child vaxed. OR maybe after awhile when no one is allowed to visit for 2-4 months they will decide it isn't worth it. is their baby going to be at home all the time or go to some sort of child care at 6 weeks?



h

[heathergirl67]

I'm really glad it sounds like everything is working out well! That must be a relief.

[Ammaarah]

If your kids are still having coughing spells, even mild ones, it's probably best to stay away from newborns anyway, regardless of anyone's vaccine status.

[junipermuse]

Originally Posted by Ammaarah

If your kids are still having coughing spells, even mild ones, it's probably best to stay away from newborns anyway, regardless of anyone's vaccine status.

I know I've said this already, but I want to make it clear I have no intention of bringing my children around anyone's newborn as long as they are coughing. Like I said we have other friends who live nearby with a new baby (born in July) and we haven't even seen that baby because we're waiting until the cough is completely gone. I only mentioned the cough because I think it was whoopin cough and once they are totally well then it isn't really different then being around a vaxed kid. Otherwise the situation has nothing to do with the cough, as the baby in question isn't even born yet. I was originally just afraid that they wouldn't want to see us for the next year or more because of our vax status, and since that is no longer the case, I'm feeling much better about the situation

[SquishyKitty]

There have been 10 reported infant deaths due to pertussis in California this year. I think the parents are doing the right thing. This is a choice you made, and if the tables were turned I'm sure you'd want your wishes respected.

[pregnant@40]

Your friends are making a reasonable request, and it's nothing personal. No, you don't need to change anything you're doing. Just wait until their baby has a stronger immune system (in about 2 months) & has been immunized, and then you could visit. Just say, "I understand, no problem", send a card, and talk on the phone. A newborn is highly vulnerable, and there is the potential of transmission even in those who appear asymptomatic. Respect their wishes w/out getting offended or second-guessing yourself.

***********************
editing b/c I just read your f/u post. I'm glad it all worked out.

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by SquishyKitty

This is a choice you made, and if the tables were turned I'm sure you'd want your wishes respected.

Read the entire thread. She never said she was going over with her children and a battering ram.

[lynsage]

Originally Posted by Emmeline II

Read the entire thread. She never said she was going over with her children and a battering ram.

Best mental picture ever- Smiling, waving family with a basket of new baby gifts and a giant battering ram wielded by a team of Vikings...