It is so hard.
When I had a miscarriage, it blindsided me. When I got that positive pregnancy test, it never crossed my mind that I wouldn't have a baby in 9ish months. I felt like a fertility goddess...and then WHAM, it was over. I was not invincible. My body was not the perfect incubator. Pregnancies don't always end in babies. It really shattered my naivety, and made me a bit cynical.
((hugs)) mama. I hope that you can find a little peace in time.