helping his fears?

[honeybee]

So, my dh admitted to me the other day that he is really, really scared about the upcoming birth of this baby... and he doesn't know why. This will be our 4th baby, 3rd homebirth. He has always been nervous as birth time approaches, and he does great. But he says he is even more scared this time than before. He says it's not because we're using a new mw, as he's comfortable with our mw. He is a big hb advocate, so it is not the hb that is bothering him.

My pregnancy has been perfectly healthy, and nothing looks different this time around than it has before. I've always had fast, easy births.

I have no idea what to do or say or how to help him. I'm really proud that he confided in me, because usually I don't find out these things until long after the fact. But, I don't know where to go from here.

And now a paranoid part of me is wondering if maybe he is intuiting something... which is not a mental/emotional place I want to go to! Ack, fear is contagious!

[vtamanda]

My DH mentioned something along the same lines and I kinda dismissed it as silly. Well then he brought it up again that I totally tried to convince him that he wasn't scared. Oops. Like I was invalidating his feelings. I didn't mean to do that.

ANyway since that time I have found a few hypnobabies CDs which might be helpful. There is a birth partner CD and also a CD specifically for Fear Release. I haven't listened to either one, yet. ALthough my DH said he woud be interested in the birth partner CD. I think you can download that one on the hypnobabies website as an MP3. ANyway, it is something to look into. I have used a few of their CDs and I do think they are good for relaxing and retraining your brain to think positively about birth.

Sorry this isn't more specific, but I haven't even had a chance to look into it for myself, it's just one of the directions I was thinking about going.

[AZgirl2207]

I think that all dads get a little freaked as the big day approaches. Would he feel better if he talked to your MW? (possibly without you there) Maybe he has specific things that worry him (UC, PPH, breech) and your MW could give him a crash course so he feels more prepared JUST IN CASE. I am a "just in case" sort of worrier--for me a little education goes a long way in easing my fears.

[Lady Lilya]

Melissa, I would also wonder if he is intuiting something. If it was MY husband with that hunch, I would want to err on the side of a little more testing up until the birth.

I went into my first birth with certainty that everything was fine and nothing would go wrong. I wouldn't want to do it with a suspicion that something was wrong.