What was your toddler like after you weaned?

[crunchy_mommy]

Whether they weaned themselves or mama-led weaned... Did their temperament change after weaning?

I want to CLW but at this point I am starting to wonder if he would be happier if he wasn't nursing. He is sooo stuck on nursing, it's like an obsession with him. It seems like he is happiest when he happens to go an unusually long stretch without nursing, but I don't know if he just happens to nurse less BECAUSE he is happier (chicken vs. egg scenario I guess). It would break my heart to wean him but I desperately want a happy little boy. I just don't understand why he is so miserable.

[GardenStream]

I think the age makes a big difference. My oldest DS went through a period where he was fixated on nursing. He was about 20 months through about 36 months during that point. He really eased off around 3. It was only in the morning and after naptime. DH and I told him that 4 year olds didn't nurse. We prepared him for a couple weeks before he turned 4. On his birthday he woke up and told me that he was a big boy and didn't need it any more. That was it, no problems and no attitude changes. He wants to cuddle, hug and kiss a bit more now but I don't mind that at all. He never was a cuddly kid so this is a nice change IMO.

[journeymom]

I weaned ds when he was 17 months old because it seemed like he could take it or leave it, and I was at my breaking point, touched out, wanted my body to myself. It was very bittersweet as I was so proud of how long I nursed him. Eighteen months seemed like a next big step, and I was ready to be done. Ds was already off and running for the most part anyway.

He really didn't seem to notice or mind.

[crunchy_mommy]

He is 20 months. This isn't a phase for him -- he has been obsessed since he was born & literally nurses multiple times an hour still (though I can now sometimes get him to go 2 hours without nursing if we are out somewhere he's never been and stay very busy). Mostly he just nurses all day & all night. We've been trying to get him to eat more table food (which is working fine) but it's not decreasing his nursing at all. He will not let me cuddle him at all unless he's sick -- if I'm physically touching him, he wants me to nurse, and he'll accept nothing less. Lately I have been leaving him home with DH a lot more because I just can't stand nursing him any more. Then when I get home he nurses a whole lot extra, I guess to make up for me being gone (a whole HOUR)....

[nukuspot]

I have the same sort of toddler. DD is almost 18 mo and up until she was about 15-16mo she just nursed "normally". Since then it's been every time she sees me which is all day because I am a SAHM right now. She nurses about every 30 min-2 hours for a long time, like 30 minutes or more each stretch. Her most used words are "nurse" and "more" usually used together. When I leave in the evening to go to the gym or whatever,when I get home even if I've been gone for 20 minutes she meets me at the door and says "NURSE" and brings me the boppy pillow. I can't even shower first!

However I am really really adamant for myself that I want to do CLW, so I just figure this is something we are going to have to let work out over time. Eventally it will change, just like all things baby. When she was 12 months I actually was afraid she was going to self wean because she had barely any interest in nursing, I had to almost force her! Now it's completely the opposite.

[LadyCatherine185]

I MLW Liam over the last 6 months or so (upon becoming pregnant). I started by nightweaning and decreasing his nursing during the day. The first week or so was a little rough, because he didn't understand why he couldn't nurse whenever he wanted (with the daytime nursing). But after that first week, he was fine with it. Had I not been pregnant/sick and been able to take him out of the house I think it would have gone a lot more smoothly, though. He was down to nursing 2-3 times a day for a couple months, and I finally weaned him about a month ago. He is still the same kid, happy and active.

FWIW, I would not try to completely wean your DS, but definitely set some limits. Start with limiting some nursing during the day (say only nurse upon wakeup, before nap, after nap, and before bed) and try and keep him busy so that he doesn't ask as much. Or, if you think only letting him nurse 4 times is not enough, start slow and only let him nurse once every 2 hours, then stretch it to 3, etc. He is definitely old enough to go 2-3-4 hours without nursing. Offer lots of snacks, and fun activities. Maybe some new toys?

[ChetMC]

No, but

I didn't see any temperament change, but our kids weaned as young toddlers due to my getting pregnant. DS 1 was the youngest at 11.5 months, though he got frozen breast milk for a little longer. DD #2 was 15 months.

We survived, but I don't think it was ideal. Our second DD in particular would have benefited a lot from nursing until she was at least two, probably closer to three. Our oldest was the easiest to wean. DS missed it at night for about two weeks.

[Abraisme]

My DS was 3.5 when we weaned. There was no noticable behavioral changes, although he was very ready to wean at that age. The whole thing went very smoothly and only took 2 days, after that he never asked again. IMO the time is right when it's going to be an easy transition. Good luck!

[ssh]

My DD weaned herself a couple of months before turning 4. We didn't see any temperament changes. She decided she wanted to sleep in her own bed and room right after turning 4, so both events were part of becoming more independent.

Your DS is probably nursing less when he is happy and busy, because he is happy and busy. I doubt he's happier just because he isn't nursing. Nursing is a very comforting thing for toddlers and helps them deal with stress. One thing I noticed at that age was that my DD nursed less when we were outside doing fun stuff. That interesting fun activities made her too busy to nurse. Also her nursing decreased a lot after she got all her teeth in at 2.5. Most of her night waking stopped then too. I wouldn't wean if I was you. I would try to have more outside time, and maybe try some finger painting or water play.

[physmom]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

Whether they weaned themselves or mama-led weaned... Did their temperament change after weaning?

I want to CLW but at this point I am starting to wonder if he would be happier if he wasn't nursing. He is sooo stuck on nursing, it's like an obsession with him. It seems like he is happiest when he happens to go an unusually long stretch without nursing, but I don't know if he just happens to nurse less BECAUSE he is happier (chicken vs. egg scenario I guess). It would break my heart to wean him but I desperately want a happy little boy. I just don't understand why he is so miserable.

Basically, we're in the same spot. We were hoping to have her weaned by 2 but that's NOWHERE in sight right now! Any small attempts at nightweaning have led to never ending screaming and her crying "why? why?" over and over again. Even if we were able to get her back to sleep she just woke up again right away. However, for us it's really related to food. Tonight we had pizza (one of DD's favorite) and she's only woken up once so far, which is a new record for her! I really don't know what we're going to do at this point.

Originally Posted by nukuspot

I have the same sort of toddler. DD is almost 18 mo and up until she was about 15-16mo she just nursed "normally". Since then it's been every time she sees me which is all day because I am a SAHM right now. She nurses about every 30 min-2 hours for a long time, like 30 minutes or more each stretch. Her most used words are "nurse" and "more" usually used together. When I leave in the evening to go to the gym or whatever,when I get home even if I've been gone for 20 minutes she meets me at the door and says "NURSE" and brings me the boppy pillow. I can't even shower first!.

Wow, that sounds exactly like DD! It's the constant struggle of wanting to nurse after workouts (or during if I'm doing an exercise video at home).

[GardenStream]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

He is 20 months. This isn't a phase for him -- he has been obsessed since he was born & literally nurses multiple times an hour still (though I can now sometimes get him to go 2 hours without nursing if we are out somewhere he's never been and stay very busy). Mostly he just nurses all day & all night. We've been trying to get him to eat more table food (which is working fine) but it's not decreasing his nursing at all. He will not let me cuddle him at all unless he's sick -- if I'm physically touching him, he wants me to nurse, and he'll accept nothing less. Lately I have been leaving him home with DH a lot more because I just can't stand nursing him any more. Then when I get home he nurses a whole lot extra, I guess to make up for me being gone (a whole HOUR)....

When I was pregnant with DS2, I couldn't stand being touched so much. DS1 was obsessed with nursing and wanted to nurse constantly. Only a month before he hadn't been interested in nursing more than about 2 times a day. Once I got pregnant he wouldn't leave me alone for more than 10 minutes. It was driving me crazy. I had to set some time limits. My rule was once every 2 hours. DS1 would cry and beg, but I just couldn't do it. It was either set limits or I was going to be done forever.

IMO, nursing is a partnership between momma and child. You have to compromise in order to make it work. It sounds like the OP is really starting to resent nursing and that's not good. I would definitely make some changes. Good luck!

[Halfasianmomma]

I weaned DD at 20 months,...because i just couldn't take it anymore. Nursing was very painful and I also felt a bit of resentment towards DD for not wanting anything else from me than nursing. She was constantly grabbing me, grabbing my chest or pinching me.

It was very much MLW, and I felt a lot of guilt about that. We were down to nursing upon waking (sometimes), nursing when I got home (always) and nursing to sleep (always...but it didn't work anymore for some reason). I replaced the nursing upon waking by offering her a sippy of watered down juice and a cookie, or if that didn't work, a short story. I replaced the nursing when I got home with books, books and more books. DD loves reading, so I just kept bringing her books gifted from friends or from garage sales, and offered to read RIGHT AWAY when I got home. The nursing to sleep had to be dealt with a bit more dramatically...I made myself absent from the bedtime routine for a while and let my mother take over. It took 2 weeks give or take to establish the routine of snack, brushing teeth, story with a drink of water and then lay down to sleep.

As soon as she was weaned, DD became more cuddly with me. She needed lots of my attention and caresses. I made a concerted effort to be more physically present around her and to touch her a lot. I found that our relationship became much less like a push-pull struggle and my resentment vanished. In retrospect, I'm really glad I did it.

[dividedsky]

i weaned my twins completely at 15mos. they were down to only nursing to sleep and at night, and night time was just getting out of control. they were stuck on nursing to sleep, and back to sleep, and it was making them totally miserable. they started sleeping through the night within days.

they were and are totally, completely, 100% fine. i weaned them very gradually, starting at a year. maybe some kids are good with the extended breastfeeding, but mine were ready to move on for sure.

[JudiAU]

I think the age makes a big difference. DS was 22m when he self-weaned during my pregnancy with his sister. Over the course of about two weeks he just wasn't interested in the morning nurse any more. And then one night he didn't want to nurse anymore and never looked back. No other changes.

My sister weans all of her kids at around 14m. One of her children had a really, really terrible time with it. Like, uncontrollable reaction when it was taken away even though she wasn't really an avid nurser.

[crunchy_mommy]

I guess whether we end up MLW or CLW, I know in my heart that he just isn't ready to wean yet. I don't want to wean him & I don't think I will, I guess I just really needed to hear some other perspectives & if anyone had these kinds of issues and found weaning WAS the solution. Today he won't even touch table food so I guess I'm glad we're still nursing so much, I don't have to worry that he's starving to death or something. I definitely need to work more on limits... I have already, like he knows if we're out he needs to find a bench to nurse, and often when we're out I can distract him better. We go on 1-2 outings a day and I try to vary it as much as possible so it's always 'new' to him. I also read to him for HOURS every day and that often helps him to wait an extra 20 minutes before nursing. DH was trying to take over the bedtime thing but we've had erratic success & lately DS will have none of it. I think tonight I will pretend to leave the house & see if that helps with the bedtime thing... being in the other room is obviously not enough. I am also just so tired because of the all-night nursing. And I have lots of health issues & am constantly exhausted & in pain so the last thing I want to do most nights is stay in a very uncomfortable position while he nurses for hours on end. I just feel like I'm not being a good mom to him. By the end of the day I want nothing to do with him. I can't stand clinginess, it gives me flashbacks to a very abusive relationship I was in during college, and lately if I refuse to nurse DS will just help himself, pull up my shirt etc. and it's just NOT a comfortable situation for me. Sorry to vent so much... I know others are facing much more difficult struggles but I'm just having such a hard time with this & not confident in any of my decisions.

[physmom]

Did you ever look into sensory issues? I still wonder since he's eating so little... he could have some oral sensitivities?

[crunchy_mommy]

Well when I looked at the sensory issues checklist he had many of the symptoms but in pretty much every category so I think the checklist was too broad or I was over-analyzing it or something. I do still wonder about it but I feel like no one will take me seriously because he is on target (actually advanced) developmentally and not losing weight and doesn't cry as much when we're around other people i.e. everyone who sees him for an hour here & there thinks he's just a normal toddler because he is so distracted by everything. Also the weird thing is yesterday he ate a ton of table food and today he won't eat any even if I offer him the exact same foods he gobbled up yesterday. I am so confused.

[tallulahma]

i just had to wean my 29mo old dd2. she was obsessed and would scream if i couldnt nurse her- which was often enough because i have a ebf 9 month old.

with us, we decided to wean because this same thing happened when dd1 was about 2.5-2.75 because i was pregnant and my milk supply dropped at 7 months pregnant.... and dd1's temperament DID change drastically when she weaned.

its been 2 weeks since dd2 weaned and i am grateful i weaned. she is already screaming waaaay less and i get a million times more snuggles.

before- if i was nursing ds she demanded to nurse too- and screamed if for some reason i couldnt... so i found myself only nursing ds in a separate room and it felt wrong.
now? she comes over and cuddles with us and i feel like we are all together and content.


one thing though- weaning her was easy. so easy it was obvious she was ready. she never cried, we just took car rides the first few nights to go to sleep and now we walk to sleep in the stroller and she just doesnt ask anymore.

nak. sorry for all the typos.

[ssh]

Is he getting teeth in right now? Sore and swollen gums can cause changes in eating. It's also really normal for a toddlers appetite to fluctuate. My DD also did the nursing ALL night long when she was getting teeth, especially molars. Ibuprofen before bedtime helped us get more sleep.

[ShadowMoon]

Honestly, I didn't notice a temperament change at all. DS weaned on his own shortly after his second birthday and never looked back.

I hope your struggles end soon. Wish I could be of more help,