Priorities

[AllisonR]

I can do whatever I want to do, and be really great at it. But I can not do everything I want to do, and be really great at it. Or even good. This is where priorities come in. And post kids, my priorities have changed. Obviously.

Pre-kids I was a fantastic employee, a good wife, a good friend, and a mediocre artist. When I had the time to be a great artist, I didn't know I had the time, kwim? And I wasted a lot of that time away.

Post kids I spent several years trying to be good or great at everything: employee, wife, friend, artist, and of course mother. I saw the vast importance of my children's lives. I saw how limited and precious time was. I internalized this as having to do everything soooo well. Well, the result of being good/great at everything cumulated in a MAJOR burnout last year. A life crisis.

So my priorities changed again. I am now a fantastic mother, a good artist, a decent wife, a decent friend, and a mediocre employee. Best of all, I am at peace with this scenario.

I suspect my priorities will change again over time. I only hope that I can ride with the wave of peacefully accepting the changes.

[lonegirl]

Your post reminded me of back a few year years ago when my then boss said to me "I think you are not putting this job number one on your list" Uh, no....sorry my family and friends are number one work is not (this was pre child but values still the same). He was shocked I admitted to that. I was his office manager and technician and hubby and I had our own business as well at the time....I was working basically 2 full time jobs and being stretched too thin.
Thankfully now I work for a friend part time who has kids that she rates as number one priority, and a husband and father who have cancer.....she understands real priorities in life.

[waiting2bemommy]

I think of it as a juggling act (which I have not at all perfected)

I have to juggle motherhood, work outside the home, partnership with my DP, and household duties.

The priorities shift from day to day and even moment to moment. Whichever "ball" I'm juggling depends on the current situation. sometimes I drop the ball of being a good partner because I have to deal with a situation with ds. sometimes I am not the mother I want to be because part of caring for my kids means leaving them to go to work even when I know they need me at home. and so on.

it's really hard to me. I'm glad you have come to such peace with it---i'm not there yet!

[CatsCradle]

OP: I could have written your entire post word-for-word! It took me a while to come around to the realization that life, while it may appear linear and straight forward, is very layered...with experiences, responsibilities and focuses expanding and contracting at any given moment.