bad days doing me in! (how to cope?) - Page 2

[umami_mommy]

linda, you and i have butted heads before. i'm not interested in doing it again.

who says what i am doing isn't working? because i need support? because i need help learning to cope?

i'm not looking for "unschooling support." i'm looking for support in helping me cope with the reality of my life. i don't want to "fix" my son, change who he is or send him away.

learning to care for me is an evolving process.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by umami_mommy

who says what i am doing isn't working?

your first post makes it sound like what you are doing isn't working and that you are exhausted and overwhelmed.

Originally Posted by umami_mommy

... the stress of him, my very spirited 3 year old and my depressed and anxious DH is pushing me over the edge.

... DS resists *any* kind of structure and schedule. and always wants all family time to be of his choosing. the needs of others never really occur to him.
...sometimes i'm just so TIRED!! .... not knowing what to expect day to day from DS' behavior and attitude is really crazy-making. and exhausting.

May be I'm misreading it, or may be you just posted on a bad day. But if this is how you feel for most days and you've been feeling this way for awhile, then something needs to change.

I don't know what. May be you could hire a mother's helper. May be a new kind of therapy would be helpful for your son. I don't know.

But no body can live on the edge in a situation that "crazy-making and exhausting" indefinitely.

I truly am trying to be supportive, but if this is how you often feel, then I think that being supportive OF YOU includes encouraging you to figure out what could be different in your life so that you can feel centered and rested.

[umami_mommy]

yeah, it *was* bad day. or i wouldn't have posted.

i do need to do something different.... with me. i need to learn to be less reactive to his moodiness and resistance. he's got lots to learn, but i can't *make* that happen. it will happen when it happens. in the meantime i need to take his behavior less personally.

[Starflower]

Originally Posted by umami_mommy

in the meantime i need to take his behavior less personally.

This is a big part of what I am trying to do with DD. Some days are easier than others, but I have found that when DH and I do not take her behavior personally, we are all able to get through it much easier. When I am feeling played out or if I forget to eat, I tend to be very reactive. The trick for me right now is paying attention to my own needs (food, rest, time alone, etc) so I can recharge before I hit bottom. If I am functioning well, I can help guide DD. I am still pretty hit and miss on taking care of my own needs, but I am getting better at it. I think it will just take time.

[umami_mommy]

i am getting better too... moving forward with a plan to better meet my physical needs and my spiritual needs... some of us formed an NVC group and we have just started meeting... and as a good friend pointed out... sometimes you go a bit backwards before you move forward.

so i've had a bunch of really rough days.