What expectations does your WOH partner have of you?

[cristeen]

In terms of what gets done around the house aside from child- related stuff... Dishes, bills, cleaning, etc.

[confustication]

Right now, I do *everything* but that is because he is away.

My goals as a SAHP are:

happy kids
appropriate homeschooling for school-aged kids
meals
clean house

My goal is to make sure that by the time DH is around, all the 'work' of maintaining the house/family is done. That way, we're both free to enjoy the kids/each other without the stress of the mundane tasks.

Bills- I'm kind of a money control freak, mostly because right now we don't have much. I pay all the bills.


I find that, once you get into a good rhythm, you can *easily* maintain the house and do all the 'stuff' in the time your partner is WOH.

[tallulahma]

he has zero expectations. really and truly.

if i played all day and the house was a disaster and he had to cook and clean he wouldnt care. he says all the time " i just want everyone relaxed and happy"

that said- i do everything. i really enjoy it.

i like having dinner ready to eat when he walks in and i love having a clean house... so i do it. i pay the bills because im organized and he is forgetful.

but last night he cleaned the kitchen and did laundry before bed... we just take it as it comes.

[Chamomile Girl]

Zero expectations here too (except for keeping the kid safe obviously). Sometimes I have dinner ready but its pretty rare. Usually dinner happens after he gets home...sometimes he makes it sometimes I do. Major housecleaning happens on the weekends and we both participate. I clean up toys about thirty billiion times a day and I provide entertainment and supervision. That's about it (and enough to keep me tired all the time ).

[confustication]

As I read other responses, i realized that I had listed MY expectations, not his.

His expectations are pretty simple- he wants us to enjoy ourselves. He has happily stepped in to make all the meals and do all the housework when I have been unable (for any reason).

I think one thing that makes it easier for me to want to do all the work is that my DH really doesn't expect or demand anything of me.

[tallulahma]

Originally Posted by confustication

I think one thing that makes it easier for me to want to do all the work is that my DH really doesn't expect or demand anything of me.

absolutely.

my dh wakes up super early and goes to work without ever once complaining even a little. He comes home and is more than happy to jump in and help if I need it.

I think i would probably do less if I felt like my husband had an agenda for me or held a list of things he expected be done while he was gone.

[cappuccinosmom]

Dh has fairly low expectations for what we agreed I would do as the sahm prior to marriage. He expects me to do what we agreed on, just as he does what he agreed to do (work very, very hard so that I can stay home).

But he doesn't have a lot of specifics and isn't too picky.

He expects...
--the children to be well cared for, and taught well (we homeschool)
--the house not to be a wreck
--that we eat something healthy at regular meal times.

How I get it done, he doesn't really care, and the children are the priority. He's not picky about things being perfect cleaning wise, he just doesn't like obvious filth and clutter. He'd eat rice and boiled veggies every night if I served it.

And truthfully, he doesn't demand anything. I know he has these expectations because we discussed them thoroughly when courting, and neither of us has changed in our beliefs about how we want to run our family. If things are heading on a downhill slope, he might ask me what's going on. If I'm sick or something, he'll jump in. But since when he's home (he's out of the country at the moment) he's working 60-80 hours a week doing *hard* work, so I don't feel at all put upon to be doing what I consider a fairly easy job, though it is a 24/7 job.

[KSDoulaMama]

She expects that our baby has her needs met throughout the day... and that is about it. Even when we have a rough day though, she's more than happy to step in and do some of the housework or cooking. That being said, I manage the budget, shopping and bills, to the vast majority of the housework and laundry, and plan and cook the vast majority of meals. She spends lots of time working outside of the home so we can have money to live, and she is working on her Master's degree. When she is home during evenings and weekends, she spends a lot of time with our daughter. It works out pretty well and I appreciate that she is grateful for the things I do, rather than having high expectations for my accomplishments.

[~PurityLake~]

I don't think he has any expectations of me. His comfort level in a dirty house is way higher than mine. I'm not obsessive, but I do like some semblance of order, therefore there are things I feel is important to be done, because I would do these things whether I was married or not, SAH or WOH. If he has expectations, I don't know about them.

[jess_paez]

Originally Posted by tallulahma

if i played all day and the house was a disaster and he had to cook and clean he wouldnt care. he says all the time " i just want everyone relaxed and happy"

this is us too, although he does expect some of me. i could say he doesn't care, but if i stopped doing what i do-it would get on his nerves eventually. i do all laundry, pay all bills, most all cleaning and mon-fri meals. he helps on weekends.

[major_mama11]

I have gone back and forth between sahm and wohm (hoping to go back to sahm again soon or nearly that anyway). In my sahm times, DH expects that the kids' needs be met, and that they have clean clothing. That's about it. He's willing to cook, wash his own clothing, do dishes, whatever, as long as the kids are well cared for.

He doesn't clean other than the bathtub, but then, his comfort level for dirtiness is way higher than mine. Which is a benefit when I have a really bad day and he comes home to a house strewn with messiness on every surface.

[EmTheWife]

My DH expects for me to keep the house clean, make dinner, do the laundry, errands, grocery shop, some home maintenance, take care of the baby. I don't know, just about everything? But then, he works full time, and he's going to school. Also, if something's not done, he will take care of it if I ask him (he's often unaware of what needs to be done, like not noticing dirty dishes, or a messy room). The garage is his to keep tidy, and the yard his to maintain.
But, I am happy to do this in exchange for staying home!

[Drummer's Wife]

He just expects that the kids will be alive and the house still standing when he gets off work. If the dishes are done and I have a plan for dinner, it's a bonus.

[newmamalizzy]

Originally Posted by ~Purity♥Lake~

His comfort level in a dirty house is way higher than mine.

Definitely same here. He does the after-supper dishes and helps with larger chores and lots of other things on weekends. I take care of baby, laundry, money, and supper on weekdays, but even if I didn't get those things done, I'd care far more than he would.

[nola79]

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife

He just expects that the kids will be alive and the house still standing when he gets off work. If the dishes are done and I have a plan for dinner, it's a bonus.

This is my DH, too. The only thing aside from childcare that he absolutely insists on is having iced tea made.
Obviously, tea is not that difficult to make, so I consider myself fortunate.

eta: I do make dinner most nights, but on the nights I just don't feel like it, he doesn't mind if we order out.

[katelove]

No expectations here either. My job is to look after our baby, his job is to go to work, we share the rest. And, on the days he doesn't work, we share the baby care as well.

That said, *I* feel better if I can keep the major dumping surfaces (kitchen bench, dining table, coffee table) tidy, the dishes done and do at least one houeswork thing (washing, bathroom, floors etc) each day. I also cook on the days he works but I almost always do it when he gets home and he has J while I'm cooking.

I would love to be able to do more around the house but, for now, spending time with J and meeting her needs is the priority for both of us.

[Abraisme]

I have a DH that does have come expectations.. He expects that I take care of the kids during the day, do all the household stuff, make dinner (or at least have a dinner suggestion), pay the bills, buy the groceries, maintain the budget, keep the garden, feed the pets, etc. He works very hard for our family and I expect him to get up every day and go to work, to maintain the yard, and help with the kids. If I did not to the laundry or make dinner they wouldn't get done. It works well for both of us.

[Kelly1101]

Mine does definitely have expectations, but it's very prioritized...

1) Care for the kids
2) Keep the budget and pay the bills
3) Cooking and cleaning

He doesn't like flip out if the house isn't spotless, and he's not unwilling to wash a sink of dishes or throw in a load of laundry. But he works a lot, six days a week usually, and his job is hard physically. So that's kind of my expectations for him-- to go to work every day and bring home enough money to take care of the family. I do most everything else around the house.

[calebsmommy25]

His main expectations:

Caring for DS
Making sure there is food in the fridge
Making sure he has clean clothes

Oh, and planning everything we need to and would like to do. For example: Birthday parties, dinners, vacations, and other activities...I take care of all the specifics, he just shows up.

I keep up with the laundry, dishes, and general household tasks while caring the best I can for our DS. He works 60ish hours a week, his area of the house is the back porch, inside and out and taking care of the garbage/recycling and the bills.

[SubliminalDarkness]

He will say he doesn't have any expectations, but that's not true. He says that when I complain that he expects too much, or that I feel overwhelmed. But, if things don't get done, he complains that I don't do enough and I should get a job since I'm not doing anything. *sigh*

So, really, he expects.....
Food to be purchased and prepared, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, everyday.
Laundry to be kept up. Sheets to be changed regularly. Towels to be replenished regularly.
House to be fairly decent. He cares less about things like the bathroom and more about the main living spaces. Additionally, we have a dog that chews anything left out, and DH always wants the dog out at night, so I have to pick up the whole house constantly.
Kid duties to be dealt with. I bathe them, do homework with DS1, put kids to bed, handle most squabbles and issues, etc.
Dog stuff.
Most car maintenance.
Anything the yard needs.
Bills.
And miscellaneous things that he comes up with that he insists need to be done RIGHT NOW.