What expectations does your WOH partner have of you? - Page 2

[mamazee]

Kids
Food
School/doctor/activities for kids
House cleaning
Laundry

He helps when he can but he works long hours so it's mostly on me. He did say if it gets to be too much we could hire someone to clean the house, but at this point I'd rather do it myself.

[homemademom]

He expects me to feed and care for the kids and also to pay the bills, which I do online at the beginning of the month. If I cook dinner and clean, that's a bonus.

[newbymom05]

I asked my DH and he said his only expectation is that I love and nurture our children. BUT...I think I'm expected to make sure food and clean clothes are available, as well as maintain our daily finances, the children's calendar, and impose a cleaning routine that prevents chaos.

If he came home and dinner wasn't planned/ready or the house was a wreck, he wouldn't complain, but he certainly isn't calling me every night to check who's making dinner or asking who's going to wash the whites. And I was going to write he's always willing to help--which he is--but the fact that I use the word "help" implies that it's my responsibility.

OTOH I expect to have money in our account, now and in the future (retirement, etc) plus his full participation in child duties when he's at home. I pretty much have the final say in what happens regarding household matters. It works for us.

[treegardner]

DH expects me to take care of our DS, first and foremost. The way we look at it is that the child and the apartment are ours, so we both have equal responsibility. Obviously, since I am home most of the time I do as much as I can during the day, but when DH comes home he jumps in and does housework or looks after DS. He does expect me to manage the budget because he has no money skills whatsoever. Also, DH does not look at being a SAHP as an easy job at all, which I think makes a difference in his expectations. My dad was the exact opposite when I was growing up and expected my mom to do everything.

[november]

Honestly, he doesn't *expect* anything. He's only concerned w/ our daughter and that her needs are met and we are both happy and healthy. Other than that, whatever I get done is a bonus. I mean, don't get me wrong - I do more than nothing, LOL. Dishes, cooking, laundry, paying bills, buying groceries, that kind of thing .. but he doesn't EXPECT anything. If he comes home and the house is a mess and toys are everywhere ... no big deal. He's not a very demanding type of person and it's a good darn thing because I'd have a lot (of not nice stuff!) to say if my husband insisted I got a specific *list* of things done each day.

[childsplay]

To say 'expect' it gives me the impression of a dominant husband who lays out the rules for the household and all it's members....and gives me the creeps as well.

He runs his companies outside the house, that's his domain, the meetings, the deals etc....But the house? That's my domain. He doesn't have to expect anything from me, I expect it from myself.
I expect that I'll feed, clothe and care for my children everyday while he's away to the very best of my ability, (although some days the clothes don't match and the lunch is waffles ) as well as keep things clean and somewhat tidy, to run my home business in a professional manner, to keep mealtimes interesting and tasty, and, out of respect for him and his schedule, make sure he has two clean black socks - not nessessarily matching - every morning.
And, if for some reason nothing gets done all day because of illness, schedule, etc, it's not a big deal, we order take out and skip the laundry.

Honestly I don't think we ever talked about it either....just kind of fell into what worked for us.

[happyhats]

I defenitely have higher expectations for myself than the hubs does. That said, the downside is that he often takes my job for granted. He will say, " I never told you to do that" if I tell him I feel overburdened or burnt out, and he doesn't really understand my job doesn't afford any real downtime while he's persuing hobbies during the weekend. So there's give and take, for sure.

[mbhf]

Originally Posted by childsplay

To say 'expect' it gives me the impression of a dominant husband who lays out the rules for the household and all it's members....and gives me the creeps as well.

I don't see this at all. As others have mentioned, I expect my dh to go to work every day and make money for our family, why isn't it okay for my husband to expect me to keep the house clean or make dinner?

As for my dh's expectations.. I don't know. It seems very difficult to separate his expectations from my own I suppose. I know he expects to have something to eat when he gets home, for the house to be neat, for the kids to be generally happy, clean, well fed and educated. He expects that I will take care of our home, our children, myself and our cars etc. He's more than happy to pick up some slack for me when he can, he's definitely been known to walk in the door at midnight and wash the kitchen floors before coming to bed and then getting up for work at 4am without saying a word about it. And if he notices that something needs to be done he will do it, or whatever I ask. His time at home is very special for us though, so I try (and generally succeed) in doing everything while he is gone so we can just hang out when he is home.

[waiting2bemommy]

I asked my SO and to quote him "It's not a hard job, baby, to be a housewife. Just cook clean, and teach the kids."

However the last month he has been home a lot and I have been going through PPD and unable to pull my weight and I assure you i've heard plenty of complaining about how hard it is. How easily we forget!

Really he isn't that hard to please but there are definitely expectations on both our ends. I expect him to go to work every day, to help with bath/bed time and to do family stuff on the weekends, to lead the family in religious activities and be a good role model esp for ds.

he expects me to take care of the kids (and this includes teachign them, esp ds, which is something he says I am much better at than he), he expects me to keep the house clean, and provide three meals a day. If he comes home and the bathroom or bedroom is dirty but everything else is clean, he won't complain. But he hates to walk in and see total disaster, and when he's hungry he wants to eat. So when he is WOH I try to have dinner ready when he walks in.

With him being home we share all the responsibility and when he is working we still work togethr on weekends.

[HappyMommy2]

My jobs:
Feed/care for the kids
Shuttle kids to preschool, swim lessons, etc.
Pack lunches for kids and DH
Laundry - wash, dry, fold, put away
Having the kitchen & living room reasonably tidy when he walks in the door
Gestate kid #3
Cook dinner (~70% of dinners are cooked by me)
Dishes - especially if he cooks dinner
Grocery shopping & meal planning
Packing for all trips
Trash to kitchen (from basement & bedrooms on day before trash day)
Bedtime (although sometimes I ask him to do teeth/jammies first)
Pay bills
Plan all parties
Tidy the bedrooms & bathrooms every 1-2 days
Change sheets
Run the dog a few times a week



His jobs:
WOH
Vacuum/mop floors
Dishes if I cook dinner, plus handwashes big pots
Carry dirty laundry down 2 flights, carry clean laundry up
Trash to curb
Sometimes cook dinner (sometimes breakfast/lunch on weekends)
Lawncare
Home improvements and car maintenance (either do them or coordinate/pay somebody else)
Bathrooms (deeper cleaning)
Most of the dog care (pick up poop, feed, medicate, brush, run)

Holy crap! I think I better go give him a big hug, kiss and thank you!!!!

[mom2happy]

I'm not crazy about the word "expect" either.
It makes me mad at DH and he didnt even do anything wrong (today lol).

I guess he does have expectations of me as I do of him.
He is gone at work from 8AM to 8PM 5 days a week. I expect him to be responsible, do a good job, and put the money into our account.
I expect him to take care of the outside of the house, fix things, take out garbage, build things, spend good quality time with kids in between all this.

I do everything to run this house, take care of our finances, raise the children.
My job is the same 24 hrs a day 7 days a week.
On the weekends he takes care of the yard and works on the addition he had to build for the new baby.
He will do housework if I ask, but with an attitude problem.
Like tonight I was behind on my housework and I was doing the dishes at 9pm. I know if I said I cant take being on my feet anymore he would have dragged himself in and begrudgingly done it.
Unless I really cant take anymore, I just do it because its not worth it.
I try to have everything done, so that when he gets home and watches tv on the couch I dont feel resentful that Im still working.
Its more for myself too. I dont want to have to deal with the overflow the next day. He is shot from work and feels entitled to relax.
He feels that if I decide to take to much on and cant keep up, that its my choice. In other words, on a day like today I should have ordered something and not cooked so I could be easy on myself.
I could complain that he is kind of old fashioned.
I am thankful that he lets me raise the kids in a completely different way than he was brought up. He has altered his lifestyle dramatically for me and for our well being as a family. He is devoted and trustworthy.
I get to be here everyday to raise my children and spend this precious time with them. We are both working very hard.

[earthmama369]

Things have changed a lot for us over the course of our relationship. We've taken turns working full time and going back to school, I've been a fully functioning SAHM, have worked PT jobs while homeschooling the kids, and now I'm disabled with fairly limited function. Right now, dh's priorities -- the things that make him ok with working a job he's not very happy with -- are for me to homeschool the kids and keep them alive and safe, and for the house to be standing when he gets home. (During med changes, I've left the stove on three times and left the house wide open twice in the space of two weeks, so that's a valid expectation for him!)

Right now DH works FT, does most of housework, helps with homeschooling, arranges time off so I can go to doctor's appointments without the kids (to help me focus and to not freak them out with details they don't need), does most of the nighttime parenting, just about all of the yardwork, and all of the driving when we go out together.

It's a big change and he's being really, really supportive about everything.

[happysmileylady]

I wouldn't say that my DH has "expectations" on a day to day basis. I think on any random day, he "expects" that I will feed both little ones when they are hungry, change their diapers when they are wet, and that they won't be severely maimed or worse.

I would say however that he has "hopes." By that I mean that there are things that he would like to see when he comes home. He would like to know that there is food to eat and that I have a plan to make a meal for the last meal of the day (and bonus if it's already made.....since he is never home before 7pm.) He would like for the house to be clean enough to be functional and safe. He would like to know that I managed to get the teen where she needed to be, on time, and safely (work, soccer, wherever.) He would like it if I managed to get the bills paid on time, or at least before they try to shut off the electricity ()

However, if he comes home tomorrow at 8:30pm and I had to have my mom pick up the 14 year old from her after school clup and there's barely a path to the bathroom because of all the toys the 2 year old dragged out and I am sitting on the couch nursing the 1 month old and have been stuck there basically all day because she's been fussy...he's likely to turn right around and go pick up fried chicken and Dairy Queen, then guide the 2 year old around the house to pick up her toys and help the teen clean the kitchen, then put that 2 year old to bed, all without a complaint.

He works full time, plus OT if it becomes available, and he goes to school full time as well.

[shnitzel]

DH claims he doesn't expect anything and that it's all me putting pressure on myself. But what I think he does expect is taking care of DD, grocery shopping, cooking food for 3 meals a day, keeping the house decent, washing/drying laundry.
He helps out a bit with everything but cooking but I prefer if he spend time with DD for that 1 hour she is up when he comes home.

[montlake]

My husband is the sahp. I expect him to have the kitchen be clean when I get home (I also enjoy doing most of the cooking but I am not going to clean up just to be able to cook and then clean up again), supervise homeschool, schedule and take the kid to all dr. appointments, haircuts, etc. Feed and water the animals. And those are very much Expectations. If those things don't happen, we have conflict. Otherwise, he is responsible for all lawn and trash stuff, I take laundry and bathroom cleaning and all financial stuff. Everything else is a free for all. Whoever notices something needs doing, needs to do it. That includes grocery shopping, cooking, all other housework, etc.