28 Month Old DS "need cigarette so much"

[cparkly]

My DS told me yesterday that he "need cigarette so much". This is after months of daily conversations on how cigarettes damage bodies. He "smokes" bread crusts, blocks, crayons, chalk, etc... On hikes, he will stop to "smoke" sticks he finds on the trail. He says that he loves smoking cigarettes.

We do not smoke cigarettes. But, my FIL who DS adores, does. FIL does not smoke inside or around DS, but DS is very observant and in tune and we see FIL at least once a week.

DS rebuts any admonitions regarding cigarettes with, "Big Dad smokes cigarettes." FIL has tried to quit for 30 years; medication, hypnotism, etc...but to no avail. He is aware that DS pretends to smoke.

I remember being interested in smoking, as a child. I even filched my parents rolling papers and rolled grass, etc...but, I was older. How do you explain to a 28-month old that smoking cigarettes is not ok? Or, do I just let it go and hope that it loses its "magic"?

[bodhitree]

What about having your FIL talk to him about it? That might be the best way to help smoking lose its luster for him.

[cparkly]

Thank you for that idea. It seems that may be the only way.

[JMJ]

I was going to say the same thing. Your FIL could tell him how much he hates that he smokes cigarettes, but if you start, it's really hard to stop, and he wishes that he could. I wonder if it's more interesting because he gets a big reaction out of you. Perhaps you could think of a calm, consistent response like "We don't play that way" and remove whatever he is "smoking" or just don't respond at all and let him play, hoping that it will lose its charm over time. In the meantime, make sure that FIL's cigarettes are absolutely out of reach, and watch out for spare cigarette butts around town. It's one thing to pretend to smoke toast or a stick. It is another to put his mouth on a real cigarette.

[LCBMAX]

With my son, we actually have to stop talking at all about things like this. In his case, he loves to see what energy we bring to such topics, and he loves to trigger that energy by talking more about it.

Things we are currently ignoring:

"My doggie has such a beautiful vagina!" (Actually she does have a particularly beautiful behind with lovely coloring and hair pattern, but just an average looking female dog anatomy.)

"Great grandma is dead, Mama, and it's very very sad." (He never met her. Nobody is sad about this. He's not actually clear on the difference between dead and smooshed like bugs.)

You get the idea. While we do have to start drawing lines for kids this age about what's healthy and what's not, our family has found that it's counterproductive to do more than deliver the message a few times and then leave it all alone. When he goes back to these subjects, we do the "Mmmhmm, yes dear. Oooh look at the birdy!" thing.

If he were play smoking, I'd probably make a mild yuck face, and distract with something else that can go in his mouth with a purpose: "Ick. Hey, can you make a noise with this whistle? Want this messy crumbly cracker?"

[Megan73]

The problem isn't really that FIL smokes, it's that your son has been allowed to SEE him smoking. That has to stop. Now.
Then I'd stop drawing attention to his play smoking and he will eventually stop doing it.

[Norasmomma]

I think DAILY conversations about how bad cigarettes are just keeps bringing up the subject and enforcing it's presence. I'd say stop talking about it and ignore the behavior, he's doing it because you keep bringing it up.

[kasey08]

I agree that the conversations with him about it should stop. Daily discussions about how bad something is don't seem like a good idea, especially that young but probably at any age.

[CherryBomb]

I agree that daily conversations about it are unnecessary, and that he needs to quit observing your FIL smoking. It doesn't matter what you say, when he's seeing it going on he's going to be interested in it, especially if it's something he only sees gpa doing.