Husband/ Partner's Duties at Night

[sssheri]

What does your husband/ partner do at night to help with the baby?

Mine sleeps through the night until I wake him, but is responsible for all the diaper changes and swaddling. If I need, in the morning he will take our daughter so I can get a few extra hours of sleep.

[LadyCatherine185]

From 0-19 months it was all me. DH would take DS out in the mornings as well and let me get an extra hour or two. From 9 months on he put Liam to bed but I was still responsible for wake-ups. At 19 months I started nightweaning, and we moved Liam to his own bed at 20 months and DH took over nighttime. So now all nighttime is on DH.

I definitely think it is good to have Daddy involved!

[sunnygir1]

Dh has never done babies at night. Now that ds is here, dh (somewhat reluctantly) does dd at night, but about half the time I still have to get up with her, too.

If ds is sleeping in the am when dd gets up sometimes he takes her so I can sleep. He takes one or both for me to nap on weekends when I ask.

[Parker'smommy]

This is us exactly! I wake dh briefly between sides so that I can use the bathroom and he changes the diaper and reswaddles the baby. He does the swaddling 100 times better than me! This is only for the first couple of months though. When babe stops pooping at night, and is no longer swaddled, he'll get a break.

BUT...he is responsible for all other nightwakings by our other two children - age 5 and 8. They wake maybe...um, a few times a month for nightmares, potty, or water. So it's not that much. And when we nightwean...it'll be ALL him again. And oh yes...momma sleeps in one day on the weekend...heaven!

[Llyra]

DH did nighttime diapers, with DD1. He also got up in the early am with her, so that I could sleep an extra hour or two-- she used to wake early. He also mostly slept with her, since she wanted physical contact at night, and I'm not a cuddly sleeper. We were very happy with that arrangement. I EPed for her, though, and I think that changes the dynamic-- I wasn't waking to nurse her. I was waking to get up and pump multiple times a night.

With the twins, he did a LOT more. I think that's the reality with multiples-- he did nighttime diapers a lot of the time, though not always. He also sometimes had to hold and walk a cranky baby, because sometimes one baby needed my whole attention for awhile. He also would sleep next to one of them, while the other slept with me, since both of them wanted physical contact to sleep. My twins both nursed to sleep, but they wouldn't nurse to sleep TOGETHER, so there was a lot of juggling. He also did all of DD1's night wakings, because I was always latched on to one twin or the other.

Since I had DD1 to take care of all day, and she didn't nap, I didn't get to nap, either. So it seemed dead wrong to both of us to think he needed more sleep than I did, at night-- we aimed for roughly an equal amount of sleep for each of us.

[katelove]

I didn't vote as none of the choices fit but this is what we do, BTW I'm assuming "night" = when everyone is in bed? DH usually settles her for the night if she doesn't feed to sleep.

DH sleeps through as all J needs most nights is feeding. We co-sleep so it's just a matter of rolling her over and plugging her in So far I've been able to wait until she's settled again if I need to get up for a drink or the loo.

Anytime after 4am, if she wakes up and won't go back to sleep, DH takes her until either 6:30am, on days when he does an early shift, or until she needs her next feed. If he doesn't have to work he will often take her out for a walk/to the markets etc

He always says "wake me if you need me" but I am *so* not a morning person, I would much rather he was well rested and able to take her so I can sleep in.

Oh, she's 41/2 months and this has pretty much always been our routine although the waking at 4am is quite new

[Kuba'sMama]

I voted for 'nothing, sleeps through the night'

My husband is a wonderful father-- when he's awake.

Sometimes I feel some resentment (like in the middle of the night), but I guess no one is perfect. Like I said, he is a model father when awake. He claims he needs more sleep than I, don't know, could be bs, maybe not. I gave up fighting this a long time ago.

[SubliminalDarkness]

Nothing. With breastfeeding, I had to wake up anyway, so I saw no point in disrupting DH's sleep as well.

And now, with the kids older, I handle any nighttime issues because DH has to work in the morning. I get up at the same time as he does, but I don't have to be as "on" all day as he does.

[cdmommie]

my husband always takes over the nights whenever the baby starts to night wean . Before that it's usually all me except on occasions when I'm super sleep deprived. We night weaned DD1 at 10 months and dd2 just recently at 17 months

[2xy]

Originally Posted by SubliminalDarkness

Nothing. With breastfeeding, I had to wake up anyway, so I saw no point in disrupting DH's sleep as well.

This was my attitude, too.

When I was no longer nursing, he would get up with DS2 if it was a particularly rough night. DS1 was an awesome sleeper and never got up at night unless he was sick. DS2 didn't sleep through the night until he was 3yo, and he usually wanted me.

[Baby_Cakes]

DH will help if I need him to, otherwise I handle everything and let him sleep. When I'm about to reach my breaking point he is more than willing to help.

[MusicianDad]

Other...

It really depends if the person being woken is me or DH. Unless there is vomit or blood involved. If it's vomit, it's me, if it's blood it's DH.

[texmati]

dh does everything since I've gotten pregnant. At the beginning he used to do everything but nurse the baby. In the middle (aaah those were the best times!) I used to be able to just feed the baby in my sleep.

[ElliesMomma]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

Other...

It really depends if the person being woken is me or DH. Unless there is vomit or blood involved. If it's vomit, it's me, if it's blood it's DH.

why would blood be involved?

[cocoanib]

Originally Posted by SubliminalDarkness

Nothing. With breastfeeding, I had to wake up anyway, so I saw no point in disrupting DH's sleep as well.

And now, with the kids older, I handle any nighttime issues because DH has to work in the morning. I get up at the same time as he does, but I don't have to be as "on" all day as he does.

i've thought about asking dh to get up with her a couple nights a week, but that would be more disruptive to DD and i than anything.

[Emmery'sMom]

It always been just me, he sleeps through the night. He didn't even sleep in the same bed with us until just about a month ago (my DD is almost 21 months old).
Before we had a baby I always thought it would be pointless for both of us to be awake at night since I was the one BFing, but once my DD came I really wished I had the help. My DD didn't sleep for the first 14 months of her life and there were days on end that I ran on 1 broken hour of sleep each night. He didn't even take her in the morning or in the evening so I could sleep. And he wondered why I resented him so much

[Sharlla]

i nurse, dh does everything else.
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[Llyra]

Originally Posted by ElliesMomma

why would blood be involved?

It happens to us! DD1 gets bloody noses sometimes in the winter, if the air in the house gets too dry.

[April Dawn]

I exclusively pump. When DS was younger, when he woke at night DH would give him a bottle of breastmilk while I pumped the next one. Now at 16 months I don't pump overnight but DS still wakes at night, so we take turns getting up for bottles, changing, or whatever.

[newmamalizzy]

Yup. He sleeps all night long. Sometimes I get really jealous, but....he's SO good at protecting himself with incompetence! I am hyper-sensitive to DDs night-needs whereas he just falls asleep, stays asleep, hears nothing. And when he does wake up he's all confused. When DD was a newborn and DP DID take some of the night responsibilities, he'd wake up looking for her under the covers or next to the bed on the floor, unable to remember if he'd fed her or when or where he'd put her afterward. Yikes!! Nowadays DD finds DP really entertaining, so even in the throes of exhaustion, teething pain, etc. in the wee hours of the night she wakes up grinning and wriggling with glee when she sees her daddy (then goes right back to eye rubbing and wriggling with fatigue when I take her back). So, yes, if I get really desperate I will wake him up to give me 15 minutes of respite, but the sleep battles are all me, all day, all night. (Sigh.)

Note: (because I feel like I made daddy sound bad) DP gets up for work at 5 a.m. and gets home at 6-ish, doing heavy physical work for 9 - 10 hours during the day. So his tiredness is definitely justified!