Husband/ Partner's Duties at Night - Page 2

[bubbamummy]

He sleeps though. It takes forever for him to become awake enough to do anything, so it's just easier for me to do it. He is also active duty military and needs to be fully rested for his job and he could be recalled at any time, so Its just best to let him sleep.

[SilverFish]

"protects himself with incompetence" hah... i like that. that is my DH. he brings the baby to me to nurse (if she's sleeping in her crib) and will help if we have a serious issue (screaming, mess etc) but otherwise is kind of useless. i find it annoying. he definitely could learn to swaddle or rock her effectively, but "can't" do it. and i have to remind or specifically ask him to change her diaper in the morning, even though i've been asking him to do that pretty much every morning since she was born.

not sure what i need to do about that yet. fortunately dd is over all a really great sleeper, so i am surviving doing most of the night time parenting right now. i don't know what he thinks is going to happen when we have another baby or if i go back to work (which he wants me to).

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by ElliesMomma

why would blood be involved?

Because kids are interesting critters and can bleed for no apparent reason... Or someone fell out of bed and is now bleeding.

[justKate]

Originally Posted by Llyra

It happens to us! DD1 gets bloody noses sometimes in the winter, if the air in the house gets too dry.

This happens to ME.


As for Huz, his involvement has changed as DD has gotten older. First three weeks, he changed every diaper.

3wks to whenever we got over that new parent change-the-diaper-when-she-pees-at-night phase, he got up, changed DD, and brought her to me to nurse. This might have been different if I hadn't gone back to work FT.

~6 mos. - 16 mos., we took turns equally putting her to sleep and keeping her asleep throughout the night.

17 mos. - present (20 mos.), she rarely needs a diaper at night and only wants mama anyway, so I do 98% of it. But she also started to STTN, which makes a huge difference.

On weekends, we each take her one morning so the other can sleep in. It works for us.

[SeekingSerenity]

With I was with the kids' dad, it was all me, all the time. Not just for baby-stuff or at night-time, either, but for the purposes of this poll, the night duties were completely on me. Absolutely the only time he'd help is if one of the co-sleeping babies was sick and threw up... then he HAD to get up and do something.

Even my first husband, who is an amazing father to the older three kids, checked out when it came to night-duties. He slept through screaming fits, fevers, ear infections, you name it. In his defense, the man could have slept through a freight train crashing into the house, though. He wanted to be woken up, I just never could manage to bring him around.

[Juvysen]

Dh is in charge of the older two at night... which means he's up usually about once a night, though sometimes it's like 5 or 6 times. I deal with the baby b/c it's just nursing that he wants at night and we sleep cuddled up together - no handing to do.

[laurata]

All of the above!

Most of the time, he sleeps. However, with our fourth, he would move her to her crib when he came to bed, and then get her for me some of the time the first time she woke. How much soothing, diaper changing, etc, depended on how worn out (or sick, or sore) I was and how many hours he was needing to put in at work.

[november]

Well, I don't breastfeed so I'm not the only one capable of feeding DD. He gets up to change her, feed her, retrieve the pacifier, or bring her to bed with us - everything the same as I do. Honestly, he's probably the one that hears her first 60-70% of the time. It works for us and I'm glad he helps so much. He's told me on more than one occassion that he's not comfortable letting me do 100% of the night time parenting just because he's the one who works. To quote him "my role as a daddy doesn't end at midnight". I do the bulk of the parenting, obviously, being the SAHP - from 7am until 6pm, so he doesn't think it's fair to expect me to do it all during the night, too. Love that man! :0)

[newmamalizzy]

Originally Posted by november

Well, I don't breastfeed so I'm not the only one capable of feeding DD. He gets up to change her, feed her, retrieve the pacifier, or bring her to bed with us - everything the same as I do. Honestly, he's probably the one that hears her first 60-70% of the time. It works for us and I'm glad he helps so much. He's told me on more than one occassion that he's not comfortable letting me do 100% of the night time parenting just because he's the one who works. To quote him "my role as a daddy doesn't end at midnight". I do the bulk of the parenting, obviously, being the SAHP - from 7am until 6pm, so he doesn't think it's fair to expect me to do it all during the night, too. Love that man! :0)

Ummm...I think I love your man, too

[sssheri]

These responses are so interesting, and so helpful for me to assess our own situation. Thanks everyone!

[revolting]

Right now? I take care of both children at night by myself, unless both happen to be up at the same time and the older is being too noisy for the younger to go back to sleep. However, he cleans the kitchen to let me go to bed with the baby, so I think it evens out.

[sere234]

Since I breastfeed, I pretty much do everything at night. DH is sooo willing to help though, I love it If he wakes up from DS crying (since I won't wake DH up if I can help it), he wants to change diapers, swaddle, or walk him. Most time I can keep DS quiet enough that DH doesn't wake. I'd rather he sleep since he can't nap at work like I can at my job (SAHM!).

[blake201]

My husband and I made a deal--I'd take care of all nighttime parenting within reason, and he'd do ALL the household chores. I mean, ALL of them--the laundry (including diaper laundry, because we cloth diaper), dishes, litter box, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, making the bed, grocery shopping, most of the cooking... I think I've done dishes three times in the last four months, and vacuumed once. I've cooked a little more often because I love to cook, but usually she wants to cluster nurse around dinner time.

It feels like a good deal now, though it didn't always. I mean, I'm nursing, so there's not much he can do when she wakes up in the night these days anyway. Now that she's 3 1/2 months old, she rolls over to my breast, nurses side-lying, and goes right back to sleep. She doesn't even cry like she did as a newborn--I just magically wake up right before she does, somehow. I don't even bother changing her diaper since she never poops during the night anymore. I'm still incredibly sleep-deprived, since I work full-time and she sometimes wakes up several times, but whatever--my husband works full-time, too.

It did NOT always feel like a great deal at first, though. In the first two months, night waking also involved hours of swaddling, shooshing, rocking, etc, and lots of poopy diaper changes. And I used to look over at my blissfully snoring husband and feel really cranky. But my husband took 11 weeks unpaid FMLA leave (I took 12), so at 7 am each day I'd hand her to him and go back to bed for a long nap.

Or try to, anyway... I'd wake him up at 7 am, and it would take him FOREVER to get himself hot coffee (which he couldn't drink near baby) and a shower and eat his breakfast... and then he'd take her around 8 or 8:30 by which time I'd probably need to nurse her again. But that's another story.

[sunnygir1]

I should add that both of our babies were born at 35 weeks, so the first 6 weeks or so were pretty rough. There wasn't much sleeping at night for a while. When they were little, and especially when he was home on paternity leave, dh would take the bedtime shift -- I'd go to bed at 7 or 8 or 9, and he would try to keep the baby reasonably happy for 3-4 hours so I could get a good stretch of sleep.

Once he was back at work and we were settled in a little, I have been the full-on nighttime baby mama...frankly he would have had to figure out how to soothe them earlier on...they wouldn't have anything to do with him in the middle of the night anyway. Of course, that may have been reenforced by his general attitude.

[Kally_ann]

His job is to cuddle the 3 year old and receive all her kicks/ elbows to the gut! LOL I sleep peacefully while nursing the 9 month old!

[KSDoulaMama]

In the beginning, DW did everything besides breastfeed. I was very very sore after the birth and couldn't really stand. So she did all the changing and whatnot. And although she induced lactation, I did all the feedings for the first few weeks to let my milk supply get established, and I still did all the night feedings for a good 4 months.

These days, DD is 4.5 months and DW has been doing one early morning feed, around 5am. I do the rest... sometimes that's feeding every hour and sometimes (rarely) she sleeps until DW's early morning feed. On the weekends, she does all of the morning feeding and lets me sleep in late!

[minkajane]

XH was the swaddle man. I am terrible at it. I LOVE the velcro swaddlers! But before we had them, XH would reswaddle DS and we'd take turns changing his diaper. He also got me nipple cream or water or anything else I needed while I nursed. That only lasted the first week at home, though. After that, DS was latching well and I dozed through feedings, so none of us got up unless he had a wet diaper that seemed to be bothering him.

With this little one, it will probably be a bit different. DH is a night owl anyway, so he'll probably be in charge of all night-time duties except feeding, since he'll already be awake. Crying, changing, whatever.

[StrawberryFields]

Dh does not need to get up with the baby. I don't see any reason for him to get up too since I need to feed her. His nighttime duties are to take care of the older kids if they call out.

[c'est moi]

we approach nighttime parenting as an equal partnership. sometimes we had a go with the flow division of parenting. other times, we democratically established a "schedule." i.e. on M/W/F you get up with the baby and on T/Th/Sa I will. we'll alternate sundays to sleep in.

during the earliest weeks and month where breastfeeding falls mostly on me, we balance it out by him doing more of the diaper changing and non-feeding sothing in the middle of the night.