Time to go to court? - Page 2

[Everrgreen]

At this point I'm still home with ds, so no daycare or school he could be picked up from. The odd time I have my mom or dad or a very close friend might babysit. So he would have to literally pry ds out of somebodies arms, and I can't in a million years see him do that. But I do definitely want to get things done soon, I understand the concern about the custody.

[Jessnet]

Originally Posted by Jeannine

Perhaps he felt grateful that I never made him waste money on attorneys, trying to see how much I could get out of him.

Being on the other side of the equation (as a partner with a spouse ordered to pay CS) the feeling of 'trying to see how much money' is an very alienating feeling, that quickly, very quickly, leads to a breakdown in any kind of parenting partnership.

I agree with MeeMee and Jeannine - the difference a positive relationship makes is amazing. My DP and ex started with a positive one that deteriorated over CS.

Courts do not always work out for the best...If your ex isn't working the CS is going to minimal - if any. we're talking less than $100.

Is that worth losing a positive, peaceful co-parenting relationship??

Plus, when he does get a job and can pay more, you will just have to go to court AGAIN to get it raised, starting a cycle of possibly negative court cases.

just something to think about

[PoppyMama]

Why should he get out of owing anything because he's not working? The landlord doesn't care, the grocery store doesn't care, the diaper fairy doesn't care. Why on earth should the mother be soley financially responsible? Ludicrous. She supposed to suck it up and not see that he is legally responsible for providing some support because it will upset him and cause their co-parenting relationship to deteriorate? My x's new wife thinks they shouldn't pay anything since they are struggling and can't afford it. I won't say here what I think of her for that....other than "what goes around comes around, honey". Go get that court order and get it soon. I thought that you could attempt to work it out with the other parent and then go to court and get retroactive child support if there were problems but there have been laws passed on that and now if you wait he may get off scott free on anything before you finally take him to court.

[smeep]

Originally Posted by Jessnet

Courts do not always work out for the best...If your ex isn't working the CS is going to minimal - if any. we're talking less than $100.

Plus, when he does get a job and can pay more, you will just have to go to court AGAIN to get it raised, starting a cycle of possibly negative court cases.

Depends on the state. My ex had NO job and they ordered the standard percentage based on minimum wage ($6/hr) at 40 hours a week. I got $165/mo, plus $40 for medical and $20 additional each month to go towards retroactive support.

I do plan to go to court to get it raised seeing as minimum wage is now $7.25/hr. I have no problem with this. It's what I have to do to insure that my child gets what he's owed...even though ex isn't currently paying, he will eventually be forced to get a job and pay. Even if I saw another dime, at least I tried. To me, it is completely worth it. If a father is willing to let court and CS get in the way of his relationship with his child, he obviously does not have the child's best interest in mind at ALL. For this I am glad that DS's biodad has never had the desire to be involved over the past 5 years.

[Ceinwen]

Originally Posted by Gillian28

Well I think one of the big reasons I'm hesitant to go to court is because I don't want to piss my stbx off and make things more difficult than they need to be. And because of the financial situation for both of us. The reason I do want to go to court is because I want some closure on all of this. We have absolutely no custody agreement in place, no support agreement in place, all we have is the details we both have agreed to but not signed. And I do mostly trust him (that he doesn't have any money - at the moment) but I wouldn't say I trust him without a doubt (afterall he did have an affair and has now run off with the other woman). It is very frustrating to have him never answer his phone or respond to emails. I don't know. I'm trying to take in all the advice everyone is giving me (here and irl) and make the best decisions, but it's hard, everyone is telling me different things. Having this stupid thing done would just be one less thing I have to worry about. And that would be nice.

This is/was my situation exactly. I trust(ed) my ex for the most part, but some days/things he says give me pause. My ex also cheated on me, and is flaky on answering his phone/email - irritating to say the least.

The reason I avoided going through a lawyer or pursuing things through court was to avoid any tension, to keep things staus quo, etc. I wanted a cool, amicable relationship. However, things needed to progress a certain way, and here I am - seeing my lawyer again about filing for divorce.

[Minxie]

Originally Posted by PoppyMama

I would definitely go to court and get support ordered and a custody agreement in place. I didn't go and I seriously regret it now. I am getting weary of all the dad coddling I see around here. Keeping him happy should not be your priority and I don't care how difficult these guys find parenting. We aren't getting the breaks from them why are we constantly expected to prioritize their choices and issues. Lots of people do this without lawyers though so I don't see why his lack of one would make the order unenforceable. I would get it acknowledged by the courts for enforcement purposes.

I agree with PoppyMama; I am also weary of all the dad coddling. It is your responsibility and his to ensure that your child's needs are met. Thyra has the right of it; children's needs don't wait on you to get enough money to care for them. They need to be fed, clothed and sheltered at a minimum and if he isn't providing, then you will have to do it alone.

[vannienicole]

Oh, and they can take his tax returns to help pay off whatever he owes you in back child support.