Breastfeeding and complete loss of sex drive - when does it get better?!

[Laurodactyl]

I have been breastfeeding my son for 10 months (and plan to continue for a while) and have felt almost zero desire to have sex ever since giving birth. My husband is beginning to get very frustrated and I feel guilty every night. I want to please him, but I also don't want to sacrifice my feelings (of not wanting sex) because that feels wrong somehow, and it also tends to hurt because I can't get aroused. Even with artificial lubrication I can't get into it Before our son came along, we had a great sex life, so am wondering if it is just the breastfeeding that is causing some kind of hormonal imbalance, or if there is some other problem. I know it doesn't help that I'm exhausted all the time, but even so, I thought my drive would be back after 10 months!! Any info or advice on this matter would be great!

[MountainMamaGC]

It took me about a year to get some of my drive back although its not the same.

What helped us was the 30 day sex challenge. The idea came from a church minister actually. We didnt make it the full 30 days BUT I found the more often we did it the more often I wanted it. It was just thing to kick my drive in the butt. Plus because we were doing it because of the challenge and not because I guilty/pressured, it took the pressure off both me and my husband.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/...n3850842.shtml

Its the hormones, and you are being touched all day long by someone, so touch has kinda lost its meaning. You dont have to try my ideas but just know that it will eventually get better.

[Laurodactyl]

Thanks for the idea. Worth a try I guess. One other reason I thought of that I could not be getting turned on is I haven't started ovulating yet. I wonder if, when that happens, I'll get some of my libido back?

[tibeca]

I can't find the article I found this in, however, there is a study out there that states that libido is slowly shut off after periods of inactivity. So, increased activity will increase your libido. I believe they noted decrease in libido after only 3 days of inactivity, so imagine what your body is thinking after spending all this time!

Exhaustion also has a HUGE effect on libido. It is a matter of survival. Sleep is certainly more important than sex. Be patient with yourself. I always feel better about sex, if I know that I don't have to sacrifice sleep for it (like knowing that DH will get up with our daughter the next morning so I can sleep in).

Also, keep in mind that sex for women is a mental process, not so much physical. So, the emotional foreplay up to the physical act is just as important. I have found that my DH feels like I don't want him to touch me because DD is all over me all day. I sometimes have to remind him that I can be a mom and a wife at the same time, and still need the physical touching/hand holding, etc.

[MountainMamaGC]

Oh yeah, sex did get much better once I started ovulating again.