I hope this is ok to put here, I didnt see anywhere else it might fit.
Im a first time mom to a 6 week old. She was a month early and has already had one hospital stay (the doctors never found out what was wrong) but is now thankfully doing great.
Other than my husband, no one in my family is supportive and one person has even taking to yelling at me over how I'm raising my daughter. They all say she's spoiled from being held, that I should formula feed, and cant understand why I dont have her on a schedule/sleeping at night. Theyve also
gotten mad when I wont let them around her while theyre sick despite the fact my daughter had just been released from the hospital, either.
Ive tried explaining my reasons to them but they just wont stop and begin playing the "im the victim, you're mean" game. I want them to be apart of her life but I dont know how much more of it I can take.
Has anyone else had unsupportive family? How'd you handle it? I'd love some insight and suggestions.
Im a first time mom to a 6 week old. She was a month early and has already had one hospital stay (the doctors never found out what was wrong) but is now thankfully doing great.
Other than my husband, no one in my family is supportive and one person has even taking to yelling at me over how I'm raising my daughter. They all say she's spoiled from being held, that I should formula feed, and cant understand why I dont have her on a schedule/sleeping at night. Theyve also
gotten mad when I wont let them around her while theyre sick despite the fact my daughter had just been released from the hospital, either.
Ive tried explaining my reasons to them but they just wont stop and begin playing the "im the victim, you're mean" game. I want them to be apart of her life but I dont know how much more of it I can take.
Has anyone else had unsupportive family? How'd you handle it? I'd love some insight and suggestions.
hugs! The best thing you can do is exactly what your doing! Do what feels right and makes sense to you. You are the only person out there advocating for your daughers needs! Babies should NOT sleep through the night that young, espcially a premie because they need the calories/food to keep blood sugar up and to keep gaining weight! She wakes up because she is hungry, not because she is spoiled! Studies also show that babies who are held more are smarter! Based on studies done in orphanges babies who are never held tend to not develop properly and to have lots of learning problems and emotional disorders. Being held and cuddled on demand allows baby to teach you what she needs because she can't talk. Unless its an extreme circumstance the studies all show that breast is best if you can. There is no reason to feel bad for standing by YOUR and YOUR DH decisions! You will have to stand up for your dd her whole life. Do not allow your desicions to be discusable is the best way I have found to deal with this. Period you hold your baby, she doesn't sleep through the night, she nurses on demand and that is just the way it is. Do not allow other people to make your decisions negotiable! If they try arguing/discussing just divert and tell them "sorry these are the decisions we feel are best, our pediatrician agrees. I understand you love her/us but you need to understand these things are NOT up for discussion...period." Then any time it is brought up again say something like "how bout them red sox? What was your fav book as a child?" etc to pointedly change the subject until they get the hint that you will LITERALLY not discuss it at all...once you stop discussing it, its alot harder for them to continue trying to!
They're always learning new information about what's best for babies. I like to do what my doctor/the hospital recommends! You know how it is, we don't use leeches on people anymore either, science is always advancing!" and then enthusiastically tell them if they'd like to learn more about it they can go to Dr. Sears website or Kellymom. Go on the offensive with your enthusiasm about how great your way is, instead of being defensive about not doing it their way.
So sorry you're dealing with this. I have learned more about setting limits since I've been a mama than in my whole life before that. My family is pretty on board, but I did have one issue with my dad recommending CIO and my MIL not getting BFing or babywearing, not to mention all the annoying unsolicited advice from acquaintances, coworkers, strangers, etc.... I made a long ranty post here and the best advice I got was "Pass the bean dip" ~just avoid those discussions. If need be, then set your limits more firmly. I know how hard it can be to feel like you're damaging the relationship with or offending them, but as a mother it's our job to stand up for ourselves and our babies, and doing things the AP/NFL way is going against the grain of the mainstream and does require us to "defend" ourselves a bit. Best of luck to you!
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