discouraged--vent

[puffingirl]

DD is 3 and has had issues with gluten intolerance. She was sick for months on end when she was around 18 months old and it was only after eliminating gluten that she got better. We tested it again later and confirmed it was the gluten. We retested again at the end of this summer and she seemed to tolerate small amounts fine, so we kept letting her have more and more as the weeks went by. It was such a delight and relief to eat "regular" pizza and macaroni and cheese again and not have to bring special snacks for school, birthdays and every single event under the sun. I thought she was fine and we opened the floodgates and let her have whatever she wanted. Turns out we were wrong and she's exhibiting all the same symptoms as before. We're taking the gluten back out completely but we are all completely discouraged and upset. Ok, DD and I are--DH is fine. He's very pragmatic and reminds me that we know what to do and it will all be ok. He's totally missing the point of how stressful it is on me (and the division of labor on this really won't change) to do all the meal planning, cooking, emergency snack contingency prep (not to mention missing that gluten fest of a cake I was looking forward to for my bday next week), etc, etc. And how distressing it is to DD to give back up some things that she's really loved having the last few weeks. I took DD to the health food store today and we stocked up on all her fave GF stuff but we're both really bummed out. Of course, I will cheerfully do whatever it takes to keep her well but felt so disappointed that DH really couldn't emotionally support us with this.

[camprunner]

I understand. I just posted a similar post. For snacks, I'm going to start freezing some things like muffins and such and then some cupcakes for birthday parties so it's not so much on me. I'm sorry about the birthday cake. I know it's hard. There are some cake mixes out there that even my gluten eating husband says taste good. The meal planning and preparation doesn't really bother me so much because we came to terms with the fact that we will probably never have gluten in our house again. There are lots of meals that are naturally gluten free. I flip through my old cookbooks and write the ones down that I can use on a new note card so that I'm not looking at a bunch of stuff that we can't have.

[puffingirl]

Thank you. I know it is stupid and selfish and petty to be upset about my own birthday cake, but honestly it's nice for someone just to empathize and know it's hard to do what needs to be done. I'm going to be baking and freezing stuff this weekend too.

[lil_miss_understood]

Originally Posted by puffingirl

Thank you. I know it is stupid and selfish and petty to be upset about my own birthday cake, but honestly it's nice for someone just to empathize and know it's hard to do what needs to be done. I'm going to be baking and freezing stuff this weekend too.

I don't think any of those things. It is a huge disappointment! I would be feeling pretty robbed, myself. You had such anticipation of having a lovely, light gluten-filled cake for your birthday after missing it for so long and, finding that you won't be able to after all, you HAVE suffered a disappointment. Rather than feeling guilty for feeling that way, could you try being gentle with yourself and allow yourself some time to grieve?
I'm sorry that you are joining our ranks again, but may I just say welcome back.
Is gluten your only restriction? Do you have a good gluten free cake recipe? I'm certain that the ladies here would be thrilled to share their favourite recipes with you.

[dulce_mami]

Sorry to hear that the gluten is off limits, especially as this is everywhere and that's probably the reason why we are so addicted to it. We are all GF here (except DH), but we were on a much more constrained diet, so I am glad that we are progressing and slowly eliminating our off-limits foods. There are plenty of cakes GF out there, we had some really yummy carrot cake for my birthday. About your DH, I think he will be more empathetic if he started preparing some GF dishes. After one of our unsuccessful food trials my DH bought an allergen-free cookbook and he started cooking and baking these wonderful dishes, I have to say that this is one of the best things that he ever did for our marriage

[mama9]

I feel you so bad on this! Sorry this is happening to you. It was mine and DH anniversary a couple of days ago and I bought him lots of gluten laiden goodies and sat there and watched him eat them all without me (I'm bfing and had to go gluten free and everything under the sun free - it's been months like this). I was having a total pity-party when DH wasn't looking lol. I think we're entitled to vent about missing our fave foods now and then. big hugs to you mama xxx

[JaneS]

I totally hear you!! I think most people facing severe allergy restrictions have to go through the 5 stage of grief to get to acceptance:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

I certainly did, it's not fun when you are in it, but totally worth it for me having gone through it all.

 

Edited by JaneS - 7/14/11 at 4:44pm

[puffingirl]

Thanks for the warm welcome back, mamas. It's nice to have a safe place to go and be upset about this--I certainly don't want to dump it on my family but do need to be able to get my own feelings out too. I knew I could count on the wonderful mamas here.

I'm sure we'll be ok after we find our groove again. Thankfully, gluten is our only huge restriction. I have a shellfish allergy but that is so easy to avoid that I don't even consider it a restriction. DH has high cholesterol so he needs a very heart healthy diet but we strive for that for all of us and DD and I just save the bacon, nachos and porkchops for the meals that he's out.

And I do feel grateful that DH is supportive of her needs. We had salmon burgers tonight and he went to get a roll for himself and when he realized we didn't have GF bread for DD, he did without so she wouldn't feel too bad--the adjustment back to GF has been a little hard for her.

I feel like a bit of a fool because I gave away all our GF supplies last week. I didn't take into account a delayed reaction and that we were all done with this (wishful thinking!) and a dear old friend had been newly diagnosed with celiac so I gave her my huge stash of GF flours and products and went out and bought all wheat ones. I know we'll be able to replace it all and I'm glad I could do something nice for this friend that was always so kind to me, but I do feel foolish for jumping the gun.

Again, it's so valuable to have this place to come and talk to other mamas that really "get it".

[lil_miss_understood]

As foolish as you may feel, I bet your friend is incredibly grateful not only for the jump into a stash of flours, but also for a "real life" friend who gets it.