6 year old with aspergers suicidal?!!!!

[jnpsmommy]

My 6 year old son has recently been evaluated and it was found that his behaviors were highly suggested of an autism spectrum disorder, though not enough to warant a diagnosis at this point. I'm 99.9% sure that he has aspergers syndrome.

Anyway he just started grade 1 this year and has had so much anxiety about it. He has major attachment issues with adults like his teacher leaving the room( even to go pee) he panics, cries, etc... He wets his pants almost everyday because he is too scared to go to the bathroom himself. He comes home everyday miserable and exhausted. well, tonight at bedtime i found out the reason for all of his school anxiety and wanting to constantly be around adults. He is being bullied! And I'm not just talking about a few snide remarks from other kids, but full on being slapped, punched, kicked, having dirt thrown on him before school to try to makehim dirty, being teased and saying " are you gonna pee your pants?"

So he tells me that he wishes he wasnt on this earth anymore, and i asked him why. He said there are so many bad things in life, he thinks he is a bad person, he doesnt care about anything and that he is just gonna walk onto the road in front of a car and that will be it! OMG!!!!!! I am freaking out! Can a 6 year old seriously be suicidal? I know he is depressed, but could he actually do it?

I know I need to obviously call the school and get this issue dealt with, but what about the rest? His self esteem, which was already low, he has been talking to me for almost a year about how he is NEVER happy even when we are doing fun things, but this is taking it to the next level.

Has anyone out there ever dealt with any issues similar to this? Do you have any advice for me as to what I should do? I'm thinking of talking to the school about getting him some counselling, and keeping him out of school until this bullying issue is resolved. Any advice on how i can build his self esteem and be assured that my child is gonna be safe in school and not hurt himself?

please help!

[Emmeline II]

Yes, it can happen. Take him to a child psychiatrist ASAP; if you tell them that he is suicidal you should be able to get an immediate appointment. The first questions that ds' psychiatrist asked him were to determine whether he was at risk of suicide, so it is something taken more seriously in this age group today.

I would also pull him out of school for now and send him to a different school when he returns.

[RiverTam]

His self esteem, which was already low, he has been talking to me for almost a year about how he is NEVER happy even when we are doing fun things, but this is taking it to the next level.

The inability to feel happiness or pleasure is a serious sign of depression. Suicidal ideation is also a serious sign of depression.

As PP, you need to get his kid in to see someone ASAP. The problem is that in many places (around here!), the waiting time for a psych appointment is 3-6 weeks. If you want your child seen sooner and can't get in to see a psychiatrist at the office in a few days, I would ask my pediatrician for a psych admit to a children's hospital immediately. An in-patient stay will move him up on the priority list.

[Linda on the move]

I agree with the others. This is huge and requires he recieve beyond what the school can provide.

I'd put everything he told you in writing and send it to both his teacher the principal. Some schools do really well handling bullies, some don't.

I think you are doing absoluting the right thing in keeping him home while this gets sorted out.

From you describe, it sounds like he has anxiety issues, and those made him a target of bullying, and the bullying made the anxiety worse. Am I understanding that right?

[Dom&O]

My son was saying things like that as well (except about knives) and thankfully we were already in therapy. She got him an emergency appt. with a psychiatrist and now he is on antidepressants. Most likely it is a sign of depression, but it needs to be addressed ASAP. I agree with keeping him out of school (kids can be so mean, it makes me sick). Is there anyway for him to be homeschooled for a while until some other arrangement has been worked out? If anything, I'd light a fire under the schools butt to do testing ASAP to get an aspergers dx so he can have special arrangements (do they have an autism program at the school?).

Therapy (apart from a psychiatrist) I think is also very, very important.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this, it is very hard for a mother to watch their children hurting. Just be his rock and advocate.

[csb13]

I'd agree with the other posts to pull him from school and get an evaluation as soon as possible. I would also suggest finding a counselor or good friend, someone you can talk to for support. It's not easy to be a rock for a child that is in such a tough place. I think that you will need help to be strong for him.

[heatherdeg]

We had similar problems with our formerly PDD-NOS dx'd son (they lifted the PDD-NOS dx and flagged him for retesting at age 8yo when they could properly dx Asperger's). And this is a huge part of why he's homeschooled. He's VERY easily bullied. We pulled him at age 4yo--before he was actually aware that people who made you feel that way weren't your friends. He didn't grasp that concept--so he stayed in the situation, making it worse.

We have periods of happiness now, but he still definitely tends to dwell on the negative and is often (usually) unable to see the good things. He's only twice said he wishes he'd never been born (and at least one of those times, he was upset for being punished--so I'm not sure if it was a tactic or a depressive overreaction).

Because he's at home, I can watch him carefully. But we are looking for a therapist for him (we just relocated to a new state which slowed the whole process down).

[CorasMama]

yes, take this very seriously. I've been down this road with a child (not mine, but I was parenting him at the time) who was your son's age and also has asperger's. It was a scary time, and involved some pretty drastic measures to stabilize him, but it was worth it that we took it seriously and got him help. Don't wait, don't let others make you wait. Get him help and now.

[jnpsmommy]

thank you for all the advice. We are going to take him in to a crisis team this morning to hve him assessed as far as his risks of suicide and they are going to set him up with some temporary counselling to talk about his feelings and to give him some anti bullying strategies, talk about self esteem, etc... I will update on how this goes.

Another thing that we are dealing with right now is my mom, we just found out 3 days ago is dying of pancreatic cancer. We need to tell the kids soon because they are very cose with their Grandma and she doesn't have long. At the same time, I don't want to send him over the edge. So I dont know what to do about that.

thanks for listening

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by jnpsmommy

thank you for all the advice. We are going to take him in to a crisis team this morning to hve him assessed as far as his risks of suicide and they are going to set him up with some temporary counselling to talk about his feelings and to give him some anti bullying strategies, talk about self esteem, etc... I will update on how this goes.

I think what he is going through at school is beyond what can be dealt with by "strategies." It does not appear as if it is 1 or 2 "bad apples" that can be given a good talking to and then all would be well. I would pull him. Then perhaps after the holidays or next year, after he has had time to deal with the issues that contributed to his being a target, send him to a different environment with anti-bullying strategies.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by jnpsmommy

thank you for all the advice. We are going to take him in to a crisis team this morning to hve him assessed as far as his risks of suicide and they are going to set him up with some temporary counselling to talk about his feelings and to give him some anti bullying strategies, talk about self esteem, etc... I will update on how this goes.

That's super.

Another thing that we are dealing with right now is my mom, we just found out 3 days ago is dying of pancreatic cancer. We need to tell the kids soon because they are very cose with their Grandma and she doesn't have long. At the same time, I don't want to send him over the edge. So I dont know what to do about

you might talk to the counselor about it and see if you can get some help approaching this difficult issue.

I'm so sorry about your mother.

Originally Posted by Emmeline II

I think what he is going through at school is beyond what can be dealt with by "strategies." It does not appear as if it is 1 or 2 "bad apples" that can be given a good talking to and then all would be well. I would pull him. Then perhaps next year, after he has had time to deal with the issues that contribute to his being a target, send him to a different environment with anti-bullying strategies.

I would wait and see what the school does and how they handle the issue. They haven't even been notified yet so they haven't had a chance to react. Some school do really well with bullying, and some don't. And some kids react well to being pulled from school, and some just see it as a sign that they've failed.

Homeschooling isn't an option for all families, and for some families with a sn child, the help and support from school can be very valuable. There is also a better chance of figuring out accommodations or special placement for child while they are enrolled in school that while they are homeschooling.

I'd communicate very clearly in writing, and I'd wait and see what happens.

[kme]

(((jnpsmommy))) Yes, get your boy some immediate help and so sorry about all you are going through with both him and your mother right now.

[heatherdeg]

OP: I'm also very sorry to hear about your mom's condition.

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I would wait and see what the school does and how they handle the issue. They haven't even been notified yet so they haven't had a chance to react. Some school do really well with bullying, and some don't. And some kids react well to being pulled from school, and some just see it as a sign that they've failed.

Homeschooling isn't an option for all families, and for some families with a sn child, the help and support from school can be very valuable. There is also a better chance of figuring out accommodations or special placement for child while they are enrolled in school that while they are homeschooling.

I'd communicate very clearly in writing, and I'd wait and see what happens.

I don't disagree with this, but given the severity of the OP's child's reaction, I think you could pose it to him as his choice as to whether he'd rather stay home. Even if it's just temporary until the school has the bullies under control.

I agree that homeschooling isn't for every family. No matter what the situation/circumstances, some kids don't do well with it and then there are some parents that don't do well with it. It happens. But it also doesn't have to be permanent.

OP: if you do get a diagnosis or a recommendation from a psychiatrist, keep in mind that it could qualify your son for home instruction for a while. That means that the district sends a teacher to your home for one-on-one teaching. It goes on as long as it's really necessary; and then you don't have to worry as much about whether you could keep him up to grade level if/when you were all in agreement about going back to the classroom.

For my son, I feel way more confident about him going to a classroom now--after 2 years at home with my modeling behavior for him and supervising him a lot more closely so that I can correct issues--than I would've if he'd never had that intensive "social skills/behavior" training at home. It wasn't something the schools COULD do. We opted out of home instruction just because ds was a few grade levels ahead on reading & grammar and at least one year ahead on math. I just didn't see the point in them pushing him.

They're not likely to assign a teacher for 5-6 hours/day, 5 days/week. It doesn't take as long to cover material when you're teaching one-on-one. When I did home instruction at the high school level, they estimated that you could cover the entire week's curriculum in 4 hours of one-on-one. I know--sad, but true. But I'm pretty sure that they were assigning 2 hrs/day, 5 days/week to my son.

And having that taken care of takes a lot of stress off of your shoulders on many levels (worrying about keeping him on grade level, worrying about handling his learning needs, etc.).

Just know that it's an option.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by heatherdeg

OP: if you do get a diagnosis or a recommendation from a psychiatrist, keep in mind that it could qualify your son for home instruction for a while.

good point. It will also qualify him for an IEP at school, if staying in school appears to be the right option.

There are a lot of possibilities.

[Lisa1970]

We have had grade schoolers commit suicide here. It is very sad.

Can you homeschool? Or afford a special school? Unfortunately, I have been worried because suicide amongst children with autism spectrum disorders is higher than for the general population.

An IEP won't likely stop the bullying. Good luck. Sorry this is happening.

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

That's super.

I would wait and see what the school does and how they handle the issue. They haven't even been notified yet so they haven't had a chance to react. Some school do really well with bullying, and some don't. And some kids react well to being pulled from school, and some just see it as a sign that they've failed.

Homeschooling isn't an option for all families, and for some families with a sn child, the help and support from school can be very valuable. There is also a better chance of figuring out accommodations or special placement for child while they are enrolled in school that while they are homeschooling.

I'd communicate very clearly in writing, and I'd wait and see what happens.

I don't homeschool and I have a special needs child that I did move to a different school, away from a clueless and sometimes harmful staff and ds' history of behavior issues. I have also been bullied in school. I don't see that a suicidal 6 year-old being harassed and assaulted on a daily basis is a "wait and see" situation. Even if the school is supportive, it is difficult to imagine that the bullies will change immediately or at all into friendly and supportive classmates.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Emmeline II

I don't see that a suicidal 6 year-old being harassed and assaulted on a daily basis is a "wait and see" situation. Even if the school is supportive, it is difficult to imagine that the bullies will change immediately or at all into friendly and supportive classmates.

My advice was to immediately inform the school in writing of what has happened and keep the child home until the situation was resolved.

Then I would wait and see.

[SilverLace]

I agree with what others are saying and that you should take this seriously.

However, it is possible that there is more to the story. My DSS has AS and we were hearing some similar stuff (not to the level of suicide, but self harm and harming others).

It just so happened that he was being observed for his IEP at school (he didn't know he was being observed) for most of several days right at the same time. It turns out that he was significantly exaggerating the behaviors of others, and really not understanding his part in it (I'm not saying bullying is ever OK, but he wasn't being bullied). I think it is possible that my DSS felt those things were happening, but they weren't.

Make sure you get a really thorough evaluation of the situation at school while you are doing the immediate interventions for your son.

[APToddlerMama]

Originally Posted by RiverTam

[I] If you want your child seen sooner and can't get in to see a psychiatrist at the office in a few days, I would ask my pediatrician for a psych admit to a children's hospital immediately. An in-patient stay will move him up on the priority list.

Very respectfully I have to disagree with this. It would be *very* traumatic for a six year old to be in-patient and nearly all of the other kids would be much much older and would almost undoubtedly have behaviors going on that you do NOT want your son exposed to. I say this as a social worker who has spent a lot of time with kids on my caseload at various psychiatric facilities, some good, some bad, but none of which would be appropriate for a six year old except in the most extreme of situations (assuming you can keep him safe at home--meaning monitor him at all times so that he will not have access to anything that would allow him to harm himself).

Call around. Explain on the phone that you are in desperate need of a therapist as well as a psychiatrist to work with your son. You can usually find a sympathetic ear if you make enough phone calls--someone who will see your child sooner rather than later. What you describe is definitely depression, but there is light at the end of the tunnel if you can get him some help.

In the mean time, have you talked to the teacher? Do you *have* to send him to school or can you pull him out and home school him until you have some better options? Hugs to both of you. What a tough situation.

[AmandaGRB]

We are dealing with some of the same issues here (newly dx'd AS and suicidial behaviors). Our psychiatrist told us that suicide is the THIRD LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH IN THIS AGE GROUP. I had no idea. I'm glad you were able to get him an appointment. I hope they can give you some help and he gets some relief soon.