I need tips for dealing with whining. I can't take it anymore.

[Biscuits & Gravy]

DS is 4.5. EVERYTHING is something for him to whine or complain about. I swear he has forgotten to talk about things in a normal voice. It feels like everything he says involves the saying "I'm never going to..." as in "I'm never going to get a drink." or "I'm never going to get to play with that toy" or "I'm never going to get to eat dinner". The last one happens frequently, every single time I'm working my butt off to get a meal made, which let me tell you, makes me feel just great.

I would love some suggestions for handling it. He is so negative about everything! He can't go 10 minutes without complaining. It is driving me absolutely mad, and I need some new tactics before I lose it.

[heathenmom]

No advice just hugs and commiseration. My 3 y/o is in a whining phase and it's DRIVING. ME. CRAZY. I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones or if she's really that annoying, but I definitely need some coping strategies.

[SeekingJoy]

[busymama77]

I could use some ideas, too. My DS is going through the same phase and I do believe it's just a phase. While he's not whining as often as your DS, he does do it and it drives me batty. It happens more often when he doesn't get his way and there's really no need for it.

[nextcommercial]

I say "Suffer in silence" a lot. I tell them, if they are going to be miserable, go be miserable alone.

But, then you have to be REALLY paying attention to when he asks in a normal voice and jump all over that with a response. Be all happy that you get to talk to him, and have this wonderful conversation. Maybe pull a kitchen chair up so he can help you cook while you guys chat.

I'm very dry and sarcastic...so for me, it's hard not to answer whining with snarky sarcastic remarks. sarcastic snarky remarks don't actually help. They make you feel temporarly good though.

Think about how much you complain in front of him. What about others? Seriously, in our world, we feel very entitled. We don't want to wait for anything, and it better come out in perfect condition. We demand disclaimers and warning labels on everything. We also feel very entitled to sue. "If you or a loved one has been killed or injured while riding an off road vehicle please call *insert lawyer's name".

How often do our kids hear "Oh for cryin out loud, how long does it take to put french fries in a bag!... it's not rocket science!" <--yes, I'm guilty of impatience.

Start saying positive, life affirming stuff on purpose. "Be the change" (I have a friend who tells me that all the time.. sometimes I want to slap her) Before you say something negative, edit your thoughts and replace it with something positive.

Eventually it will rub off on him.

I have a naturally bad attitude. My friend has a naturally positive attitude. I tell her she's "Spewing Bob Marley again". But, it does rub off on me, and I end up spewing a little Bob Marley myself.

http://www.terrificparenting.com/par...omplainers.htm I found this link, but, I only read the first three paragraphs. It looks pretty good so far.

[heathenmom]

That was an AWESOME post ... needed to hear that. And just maybe, we ALL need to hear some Bob Marley at my house.

[namaste_mom]

We deal with whining by not answering. If it continues, i remind them that I don't answer until he/she speaks in a normal voice. I stay silent and continue what I am doing until they talk in a regular voice. When they do I'm attentive and listen to what they want to say or need.

[ambivamom]

Hi,
I have been trying the tactic of "I can't understand you if you are whinig! My ears don't hear that range of sound!" with the little ones and, for the 8yo, reminding him in a firm tone that I can only talk with him if he is speaking in a conversational, open way, instead of a manipulative one. (Which is what whining is; it's just that the little guys do it without consciousness of it.)

Whining has been a problem here partly in developmental phases, but also because DH and I are intense people who sometimes have a hard time shifting our full attention, including onto the kids. So once the chid DOES stop the whining, I have had to resolve to give my full attention to him, no mattter what else I have been doing. This bath of attention is a good reinforcer of the behavior I want.

Also, praising for the *right* way of doing the speaking, as mentioned above, helps a lot.

[hakeber]

Once I was misting some plants, And ds was whining to me about some crap and I spritzed him. He asked me why and I told him I thought I had heard a mosquito, so I sprayed in that general direction. Then we had a good giggle and talked about using big boy voices.

So now when he is whining, I shout to DH, " Honey? Could you get the bug spray, there is a giant mosquito in here! Hurry before his whining explodes my brain!" 6 times out of ten this helps. The other times it usually means he is hungry or tired, so I offer a high protein snack, like eggs (for a while there I always had a stash of boiled eggs for the taking just in case), nuts, or ham and cheese rolls. If the snack doesn't cut it he gets to have a nap, or at least go and close his eyes or watch a video until he feels like being a human, rather than a bug.

[Biscuits & Gravy]

Lots of good advice here! I think we do engage with the whining, and maybe a good start will be to stop that behavior on our end. When he makes such ridiculous claims we need to stop having a comeback for it. Y'all have given me a lot to think about, and a lot of ideas to try. Thank you!

[Kuba'sMama]

I do a combination of things (I seem to have a lot of whiners in my life, some related to me and some not )

My son who tends to be overly negative, grumpy and just a plain old grouch I have the hardest time with. At the end of the day, hearing "chicken, ag-AIN?" just rubs me a sort of wrong way, lol. Most of the time the solution is to just ignore him and reward him with some jokes when he IS being somewhat positive.

My daughter, who is overly dramatic; "you don't love me!" I don't try to explain I do in fact love her even though I'm not allowing her to eat a sugar cube at this precise moment , I just give her a choice; "can I give you a healthy snack if you're hungry or would you like to lie down on your bed until you feel better?"

Our 5 year old neighbour who seems to say EVERYTHING in a whiny voice (really) a mixture of totally ignoring and telling him outright; "I don't respond to that kind of voice, try a big-boy voice and we can chat."

[provocativa]

i did the 'i can't understand you when you talk in your whiny voice' (sometimes i really can't understand them) and eventually it worked! it took about a month, probably. all i have to do is say it once now. and i totally ignore all whining. hakeber's playful approach can work, too. my mom used to sing us that song- we are the kids known as whimper and whine, whimper, and whine whine whine. . . but it makes my kids angry!

[LynnS6]

Usually we ask them to rephrase in a normal voice. If they can't, we ask them to go to their room until

Somedays, I just start to whine louder than they are. "Oh my gosh, it's soooo terrible, I'll never get dinner done! Especially when I've got someone whining in my ear. I can't stand it. Oh no! What am I going to do!" Usually it breaks the tension.

And some days, I've said "If you whine one more time, I'm going to scream." They do, and I scream (my most melodramatic scream), and they think it's really funny. My dh, on the other hand, hates it when I do that.

It does get better. Dd was a real whiner for a while, and now that we're nearing 6 1/2, I'm seeing some equilibrium.