It's been over a month and 27 month old still cries and throws a fit when I unlatch him

[4Marmalade]

I am about to lose it. Like my title says one of my 27 month old twins refuses to unlatch without having a meltdown after nursing. I tandem nurse them for their nap and at bedtime. This is about all I can handle right now so don't really want to start offering more than that. He actually doesn't ask at all for it aside from those two times so I think he's OK with it. My issue is that I let them nurse for 10-15 minutes and then ask them to unlatch so we can cuddle to sleep. Twin dd has no problem, rolls over and goes to sleep. Twin ds refuses to unlatch or starts to cry and then throws a kicking, hitting fit. EVERY TIME!! We talk about it beforehand, I let him know that he can have milk again at bedtime or tomorrow, he says OK, I let him choose to pull my shirt down or not. Most times I need to do it because he just wants to keep his hand there (which I would be OK with if he didn't feel the need to stroke and twiddle my nipple ). I would also be OK if he nursed to sleep and then I could unlatch but he won't/can't fall asleep nursing. I do the same thing every time and he still freaks out every time. This has been happening every day for over a month. I would think that by now with being consistent it would stop but it hasn't. We co-sleep and we lay with them until they fall asleep. I am all for stroking his back, hair, singing, whatever but nothing works. He is just so angry. Any advice? Anyone BTDT? I'm feeling frustrated and not looking forward to something that used to be so peaceful and loving.

[porcelina]

Arg, we had exactly that issue!! I know it is sooooo frustrating!! With my DS, he would fall asleep mostly, then I would detach him, and he would wake himself up with the screaming and crying. Then, failed nap and cranky toddler! We went through this for a while around 24 months, and I think I just dealt with it and let him stay latched on even longer. Then the issue went away. Then, it came back again a few months later, close to your DS's age. I got so frustrated (during pregnancy) that I told him that nursies had flown away up into the sky and were gone. That lasted 3 days until I caved into his crying and sincere desire to nurse again. I don't recommend that technique!

What I guess worked for us was telling him he had to let go when I said let go or he couldn't nurse. However, it took a while for this message to be meaningful to him, and we still had several occasions of the screaming and crying.

Thinking more carefully about it, I think what ended this for us was giving him control. I started saying, "one more minute" and then counting down from 10 when it was time to let go. I would whisper, "it's okay, you can let go, you can do it by yourself." If he resisted, I would say, "come on, you can do it". Then, when he did it, I would give him that positive reinforcement, whispering "good job." This seems to have helped. Once I didn't say good job, and he said, "Mama, say good job!" The times that he doesn't let go, I go ahead and detach him. He used to still get mad, and I would tell him again that he has to let go when mama says let go. Now it's no longer an issue for us (at 33 months).

Good luck!!