Can't stop thinking about it.

[stilltrying22]

2 months ago i had a miscarriage. i was 6 weeks pregnant just finding out that i was pregnant. i started getting excited and enjoying all of the things to look forward to. one day i randomly started bleeding. i went to the er after i couldnt get intouch with my doctor and after hours and hours of the "run around" from doctors and er nurses, i finally was told "there is no baby." yep, thats what the er doctor came in and said. how horrible right? i only bled for 6 days since i wasnt far along at all so it was overwith pretty quick. about 3 weeks later i took a pregnancy test at home and it came back positive. i started getting that gut feeling again, made an appt for the next day to see my doc. when i got there they told me that i would most likely be miscarrying again because my hcg level was already really low again. two days later i started bleeding. it was horrible, i wasnt even expecting to be pregnant again, especially so soon. since then i havent had a period. i should have started this past saturday so that makes me 6 days late. i was told that my uterus is flipped. some doctors told me i need surgery, some said its no big deal, some said its my choice to have the surgery, some said i might not be able to get pregnant because the baby cant attach to my uterus wall since its flipped. i cant seem to get any answers from anyone. im having serious problems, everywhere i go, everything i do, i think about it. i wish every second of every day that goes by to be pregnant again. ive already taken 3 tests and they were all negative. every person i see with a baby kills me, i feel my heart ache as soon as i see a child or see someone pregnant. there are so many ungreatful people out there having babies for the wrong reasons or aborting their babies and the innocent people who want to have babies have issues and miscarry or cant have babies at all. its really hard to me to accept what happened. i think constantly about what i did in life where this had to happen to me. what i did at the beginning that might have caused it? i have so much guilt it is unreal. noone that i talk to seems to understand because noone has actually been through it that i know. seeing babies hurts me more than anything in the world. i want more than anything to be pregnant again. please someone help.

[Kuba'sMama]

I could not respond to you. I've had an early miscarriage once too, about 8 weeks, it was also very hard. You have to know that nothing you did caused it, it just happens sometimes, especially that early.
If I were you I would seek a support group, maybe your doctor can recommend someone? You sound very distressed to me and I think it might be beneficial to get some help before attempting to get pregnant again. I'm not sure how a tilted uterus can affect the ability to carry a baby to term, perhaps someone else can answer that.

Take care of yourself first of all, work on your healing, find someone with whom you can talk this through... things will seem better, more hopeful I promise. Allow yourself time to grieve and heal.

[2Peaches]

Hello, just wanted to tell you that I am sorry you are going through this.

As far as the uterus goes, I remember a friend of mine had this issue years back, and she did have a procedure to have it flipped back.

Hang in there {{hugs}}

[PGTlatte]

I am sorry for the pain you are feeling.

There is certainly nothing you have ever done to bring this on yourself. It's not your fault in any way.

If you are not sure about the doctors you are with, I wonder if you would feel better in the hands of someone who specializes in infertility.

[Stephenie]

I've had two miscarriages and it hurts so much. One was only a week ago.

Try to heal however you can. Let your body and your soul get back to normal before trying again. I would also try and get a 2nd opinion about your uterus. If the procedure would help you sustain a pregnancy, it would be worth it. (Well I would think so if it were me.)

There's a forum here for support after a pregnancy loss. There are lots of us going through this. If nothing else, it helps to have a bit of an online support group.

[rachaeljohnson]

just wanted to offer hugs. We got pregnant when my daughter was about 14 months old and learned it was twins. At 8 weeks we learned we lost one. At 12 weeks we learned we lost the other. About 4 weeks later since i wasn't miscarrying on my own and my hcg was rising we had a d&c and found out baby b was partial molar (whole big medical mess). Got pregnant again before drs. said we should and had another loss at 8 weeks after watching a slowing hb on ultrasound every few days for 2 weeks. Then 3 months later got pregnant again. He is 6 days old. Honestly...the only thing that helped me heal immensely prior to the healing powers of his birth and life...was celebrating the kids i lost. We made a collage of all of our unrecognizable ultrasound pictures and talk about them whenever how many kids we have had comes up. It will get easier with time but those same hormones that cause ppd after a birth are just as fierce or worse after a mc bc you are grieving as well. I have had mild ppd after every birth or m/c and feel it starting now as we speak. Giant hugs!

[stilltrying22]

thank you all so much for your opinions. i am going to try and find some sort of support group. i tried to see a therapist saturday and that didnt help, i felt like it made it worse that i was in there by myself. maybe being in a group with women going thru the same thing as me will help hearing their stories and ways they are trying to cope with the loss. i am now pretty late for my current period and im feeling nauseas. i took several pregnancy tests and all were negative. my doctor scheduled me for bloodwork today to see if i have any hcg and if not he said he will give me medication to start my period that way next month ill ovluate. i dunno if this is safe? ive never heard of taking something to start your period. i wonder if this is going to mess anything up? anyone heard of something like this? at work this morning i got on the elevator with a lady with twin babies. i feel like its following me like a shadow everywhere i go. my bf wants to have a baby soon and were trying constantly but i just have no confidence that itll work. i feel even when we are having sex that it hurts me(not physically) and i think about it. its just like a little shadow, maybe ill call around and try to find some group today. so my doctor should be able to referr me to something?

thanks again for the help ladies

8/4/10 9/1/10

[NaturalBirthGoddes]

You know...I think the last Mothing Magazine Issue had an article about infertility...the March/April Issue. It's the Mayan Womb Massage. I do not fully remember the article, so not sure if it will help you. But, you may want to read that...

[JENinOR]

hugs mama. Get your progesterone checked. Early miscarriages is a classic sign that your low. I had a year of early miscarriages (about one every other month) and even with my first my body was trying to violently miscarry. He onlysurvide by a miracle. We prayed, had the church pray, and the vioelent crampin gjust stopped. I had three more babies after that and altoht we've been trying to avoid we had an preganancy and had another early miscarriage. I recently found out I'm super low in progesterone. Even though I hyad four bbies, I've had wicked depression and low progesterone can be the answer for depression. Many moms have had a night and day diff. with depression when getting their progesterone up. Sorry mama. I know how painful it is.

[stilltrying22]

Guess what?!!! I'm pregnant!!! I took 5 tests over the weekend to make sure and every one of them were positive! I've been feeling terribly nauseas and hungry 24/7. I'm so excited! My first doctor's appointment is in a hour and I'm so excited, anxious, and nervous all at the same time! Wish me luck ladies

[goodygumdrops]

CONGRADS, mama!!!!

[Veronika01]

Congratulations!!  I just wanted to tell you that I have a tilted uterus and I've had 4 healthy babies.  No procedures or medical interventions are necessary for a tilted uterus.  The weight of the baby pulls the uterus into the "normal" position from the retroverted position during pregnancy.  Take care and I wish you a happy, healthy pregnancy!

[stilltrying22]

Thank yall! I went to my doctor appointment yesterday and everything went well. I had the tests I was supposed to have and then we went for the ultrasound. All we saw on there was a little dot, but that's my little dot and I'm so excited! I went for bloodwork and they took 11 viles of blood. AHH! The main thing they are watching for is my progesterone level to make sure its high enough and I don't miscarry again. They will let me know today if I need to go back and get pills to make it higher. I hope its at a good level cause I hate to have to take something everyday. Any little thing now is gonna worry me if it's safe for my baby. I guess I'm being over-protective already. Oh well. Well, today is my 23rd birthday and I couldn't ask for a better birthday AND christmas present than a baby! We go back on January 3rd to have another ultrasound and more bloodwork and by that time they said we will be able to hear the heartbeat!!! I'm so excited, I'll keep yall informed. Have a safe and happy holiday!!

its freezing here!!!  

[APvegmama]

Congratulations! Hoping for all the best for you and you family.