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Originally Posted by jenP
 We've got all the no-no's; no beds in kids rooms, cat box in the living room and kitchen, dirty dishes, compost bucket in the kitchen, clutter clutter everywhere, dirty laundry, baskets of clean laundry, fridge nearly empty (we generally buy some stuff each day to make dinner.) And the bathrooms are not particularly clean either.Jen
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Originally Posted by philomom
This makes me nervous just reading that.
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Originally Posted by jenP
Hopefully there are no replies because she has jumped into action and has the house ready for a visit!
I keep thinking about this thread. It is so absolutely sickening that DHS bases everything on APPEARANCES!!! I mean, you can be verbally and psychologically and even physically (if you are sneaky) abusive to your kids, but as long as the laundry is put away and there's a bed in every room, they leave you alone, like everything is fine. But have a home filled with love and caring and learning and all that good stuff, and they can snatch your kids away if you happen to be a slob. That is SO SICK!!! They are just reinforcing this whole sick twisted idea in our culture that all that matters are appearances. I really take this personally because I am a slob, big time. Yeah, sometimes the clutter gets to me, but we usually find it more important to read or creates something or walk in the woods or visit family. Housework can wait. I'm just super-lucky no one vindictive has called in a complaint or my kids would be gone in a second. We've got all the no-no's; no beds in kids rooms, cat box in the living room and kitchen, dirty dishes, compost bucket in the kitchen, clutter clutter everywhere, dirty laundry, baskets of clean laundry, fridge nearly empty (we generally buy some stuff each day to make dinner.) And the bathrooms are not particularly clean either. It is just so sick that people can be punished, and punished SO SEVERELY, just for not placing housework above family. The only way I knew to get my house presentable when the kids were toddlers was to sit them in front of the TV for a few hours! Okay, enough ranting about the unfairness of it all. Obviously everyone here KNOWS that!!! I was just surprised to learn just HOW stringent those standards are and it makes me so mad. But the bottom line, like so many have already said, is, unfair or not is not important. Right now that IS the system, that IS the reality and you gotta jump through their stupid hoops no matter what it takes. And then when you get them off your back you can see about prosecuting the ex!!!! (Maybe get some of those threats of physical violence on tape? In addition to him calling in false reports on you?) I wish you all the best of luck and hope it goes well, OP!!! Jen |
I cant remember a time when every dish was clean or every piece of laundry was put away. I only have 2 bedroom so only dd has her own room. Ds still sleeps in ours but in his own bed. I have 4 buckets of clean laundry sitting in my living room right now that need to be put away but it will probably be a day or 3 before it gets done because I have to do a lot of running over the next few days paying bills and taking care of grocery shopping and getting my SUV fixed where my tire blew out and messed the fender up etc. There is always something going on around here that takes up time from doing housework. Then when the kids get home I want to spend time with them because we dont have that much time after school.
That is the main reason that I dont have people in my house other than the il's and my parents. I cant risk loosing my kids just to socialize.
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Originally Posted by Tradd
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Originally Posted by jenP
Yeah, sometimes the clutter gets to me, but we usually find it more important to read or creates something or walk in the woods or visit family. Housework can wait. I'm just super-lucky no one vindictive has called in a complaint or my kids would be gone in a second. We've got all the no-no's; no beds in kids rooms, cat box in the living room and kitchen, dirty dishes, compost bucket in the kitchen, clutter clutter everywhere, dirty laundry, baskets of clean laundry, fridge nearly empty (we generally buy some stuff each day to make dinner.) And the bathrooms are not particularly clean either. It is just so sick that people can be punished, and punished SO SEVERELY, just for not placing housework above family. The only way I knew to get my house presentable when the kids were toddlers was to sit them in front of the TV for a few hours!
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Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X
I am in the same position you are JenP
I cant remember a time when every dish was clean or every piece of laundry was put away. I only have 2 bedroom so only dd has her own room. Ds still sleeps in ours but in his own bed. I have 4 buckets of clean laundry sitting in my living room right now that need to be put away but it will probably be a day or 3 before it gets done because I have to do a lot of running over the next few days paying bills and taking care of grocery shopping and getting my SUV fixed where my tire blew out and messed the fender up etc. There is always something going on around here that takes up time from doing housework. Then when the kids get home I want to spend time with them because we dont have that much time after school.Since I am the only person in this house out of 4 people who does any house work I cannot keep up. I have tried my hardest and worked myself into a state of panic so many times trying that I have decided my mental health is at stake if I dont let some of that tension go. I have tried all the neat tricks 15 minutes of working on one area. Works great until an hour later when it is messed up again It scares the crap outta me knowing that if a Dr. took issue with me not vaxing or if someone called in a complaint I would loose my kids. That is the main reason that I dont have people in my house other than the il's and my parents. I cant risk loosing my kids just to socialize. |
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Originally Posted by jenP
Really? You mean, nervous for me? It's just a typical messy house of a busy family with young children, like so many of my friends' and neighbors' houses, both now and as I recall from when I was growing up. It's really not dangerous or disease-ridden, if that was your worry. And everyone does have a bed (they are all just in the same room.) I think the difference is, we are very affluent and live in a fancy neighborhood, there are no ex's or anything like that, so CYS is not crawling up our bum. That is the sick part - people who make less money (so they need food stamps) or got divorced (and have a vindictive ex) all of a sudden get held to a totally different standard and have people crawling all up in their private life with a clipboard of completely arbitrary standards and the power to ruin lives if there's a pair of dirty underwear on the floor.
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Originally Posted by doubledutch
this is extremely judgmental of people who keep a clean house. are they placing housework above family? really? i know some fantastic parents with messy homes, and fantastic parents with freakishly clean homes. personally, i'm messy by nature, but working very hard at keeping a neat and clean house. i feel better, and my kids feel much better, when it's clean. lower stress, sleep better, play better, can find everything, always have clean socks, etc. and we can have people over without completely stressing out. i don't think it's terrible to let kids watch some tv, and even a 30-60 minute video is long enough to get a lot done! involving kids in household chores is really important too, imo.
it would only take an hour to put those clothes away. i don't understand how you can be too busy because of bills, groceries and getting your car worked on. everyone has to do stuff like that on a very regular basis. and are your kids both in school? so you have . . . the whole day? or even just a few hours kid-free if your younger one is in half-day kindergarten. i'm not scolding you, but i just really don't understand how you can not accomplish basic housework. are you also working outside the home? i do understand valuing the time you have with your kids in the evening and wanting to spend that time with them. however, when you are the only person who does housework, that's a problem. quality time does come in the form of working together as much as playing. i don't feel guilty about cleaning during the time i get with my kids (woh ft) because we're doing it together! and it doesn't take long on week days to make beds, throw laundry in the basket, tidy up toys, wash dishes . . . it sounds like a lot, but each thing only takes in the range of 5 to 20 minutes. i save the actual cleaning for the weekend, but even then, they help. they help clean the windows, dust with a feather duster, they love to clean the bathroom tile, they would like to sweep but haven't quite mastered that skill. and when kids take pride in a job well done, and have had the experience of enjoying a tidy space, they won't trash it 15 minutes after you clean it up, and if they do, then they need to clean it up. i know it's not easy to keep up with the house, and it's probably also not easy to hear this, but there is one other thing i feel like i have to say. if you think having someone in your house might cause you to lose custody of your children, then the act of inviting someone in is not the point where you are taking the risk. you are taking the risk by having a home that is in that state. i say that gently as someone who has been there. what happens when you need something repaired? |
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Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X
That is the main reason that I dont have people in my house other than the il's and my parents. I cant risk loosing my kids just to socialize.
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| That is the main reason that I dont have people in my house other than the il's and my parents. I cant risk loosing my kids just to socialize. |
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Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X
Since I am the only person in this house out of 4 people who does any house work I cannot keep up.
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Originally Posted by meemee
OP I am wondering if you are reading this thread.
you have not replied even once. i am concerned and hope things are going well for you. i just wanted to let you know you and your family have been on my mind and i keep checking for updates. |
My very basic discovery has been that doing a little here and there is so much easier than trying to play catch up.
