Baby shower nightmare

[Allie16]

Hi, i don't know if this is the right place to post, but will like to get some feedback from you.

I have a babyshower tomorrow that I'm helping with, somehow a "friend" asked me to helped her organize a babyshower for a friend of hers that I have seen 3 times in my whole life, she is not my friend, but I agreed to help my friend because I thought it was not going to be a big deal, planning games, etc...

Well they decided without asking me that the shower was going to be in the restaurant of a museum, that is like 1.5 hrs. away from where my friend and I live. They decided for the museum so their hubbies who are also friends could go with the toddlers to the museum while they are in the shower. Anyway, my "friend" calls me yesterday to ask for help buying decoration stuff for the table and the gifts for the games. No big deal I thought. This morning I bought the gifts.

THis afternoon I went to the museum's page and I was so surprise to see the restaurant they chose is a French and VERY EXPENSIVE restaurant. I'm really mad, since obviously we are going to have to pay for the babyshower girl's tab and I'm assuming since we are many people we are going to split the check.

I don't want to go and pay $50 for eating at a restaurant plus what I already paid for the gifts and the baby's gift. Plus the gas and the drive!!!

I just had my 3rd baby and we are paying for 2 tuitions for preschool, so right now when we go out to a restaurant we use coupons or go to cheap places and we don't spend more than $25 as a family.

I'm thinking calling my friend to cancel, find a escuse like a sick kiddo and drop the gifts at her house.

What are your thougths?? Am I a bad friend??? I feel torn about this situation...

[sewingsparklz]

Oh my Gosh, I would totally get out of this one! Just because they obligated you for stuff without checking with you! That is a major crime in my book. Just tell them, "Sorry, you didn't check with me and I can NOT afford all that. This is not what I originally agreed to and you didn't consult with me on the changes. See ya!" In your own language, of course!

[lillymonster]

I have no trouble letting people know I can't afford things, I even tell my DD that when she wants something

If you want to tell them the truth, I think that is fine, but yeah, I think it would bow out too, especially if you don't even know this person. I would just say you didn't realize it was 1 1/2 hours away and you can't find a babysitter for 5 or so hours. That is a long time to spend away from family for a day for someone you don't really know.

[kawa kamuri]

How incredibly sweet of you to do so much! With that said, no way would I go

[Aliy]

I'd find a way out. It seems like they are going way overboard for a shower... but that my opnion. I'd say you've done more than you already agreed to... did you agree to get the gifts and stuff before?
If you don't know this person i don't see why you should be put out of cost for her shower. Just me but i'm cheap

[finnegansmom]

Not only would I NOT be going, but I would be asking to be reimbursed for the gifts you have bought. I'm assuming you bought the party favors? Do you think this person would have invited you to her shower had your friend not asked you to help out? I don't mean to come off stingy, and it's nice of your to help your friend and buy her friend a shower gift, but that's way more than you need to do IMO.
Send your gift along with your friend and enjoy the day with your family.

[Altair]

I would think the problem is bigger than that-- wouldn't you and your friend be footing the bill for everyone? Or is that factored in the $50? I can't imagine going to a shower as another guest and paying for the food myself.

[Adaline'sMama]

I would call my friend and make sure that she knew that the reason you arent attending is because you think that this restaurant is too expensive for a baby shower. I would send my gifts, with a card that said, "Wishing you the best, sorry I couldnt be there to celebrate with you." Let your friend be the one to explain why you arent there. But, dont lie and say your kid is sick to your friend. If she wants to lie to her friend, that is on her.

[momtoS]

The shower is tomorrow and no one told you where it was until today?

I would just make sure that my friend got everything that I agreed to do from me and send a gift and card along with her and my regrets.

[homemademom]

Originally Posted by Altair

I would think the problem is bigger than that-- wouldn't you and your friend be footing the bill for everyone? Or is that factored in the $50? I can't imagine going to a shower as another guest and paying for the food myself.

Yes, I was wondering this myself. You're sure she doesn't expect you to pay for half of the group's bill?

It's so crazy that you're just now finding this out!

[nia82]

I'd be honest too. I feel though they weren't honest. I find it rather extreme that you would be expected to foot the bill for someone you barely know, also not knowing upfront what costs you are facing.
When my MIL planned SIL's shower, she knew exactly way upfront how much the restaurant charged per person, and MIL threw my shower just at grandma in law's house, I told her not to book a restaurant for the outrageous costs. I'm frugal though.
Anyways, it is incredibly rude to present you with this now and in no way are you obligated to pay anything. You already spent money on gifts, and invested your time. That is so not ok what is happening. If this woman wants her shower at a fancy restaurant, she oughta pay herself. Just my 2 cents...

[caseykn]

Originally Posted by Altair

I would think the problem is bigger than that-- wouldn't you and your friend be footing the bill for everyone? Or is that factored in the $50? I can't imagine going to a shower as another guest and paying for the food myself.

I've been to a couple of baby showers at restaurants/spas where the guests paid their own tab. It has never been a big deal because it's been like going out to dessert and buying a $4 treat, or going out to a foot spa place where everyone pays $5-$8. An expensive restaurant that's far away and for a person you don't really know? I'd back out asap. You went over and above paying for gifts and things for this woman's shower and I don't see why you should shell out any more money.

[Allie16]

I've been to babyshowers at restaurants too, mainly for breakfast that is normally not expensive. So I didn't bother checking the menu, since I thought, well it's a museum's restaurant, but when I was checking the address for directions, I thought, I'm going to check out the menu, then it''s when I realised that this place is a fancy art museum with a fancy restaurant, the cheapest entree is a $14 sandwich and desserts are $8, woooaaa, way too much for lunch. At least for me...

I think the babyshower woman chose the place because it's close to her house.

I was trying to be kind to her since she moved here not so long ago and the only friend she has is my friend because they used to live in the same city.

I don't know if it's the stress or that I"m so upset that my friend put me in this situation, but I'm feeling like I'm coming down with my toddlers cold!! Anyway sick or not, I'm calling her to let her know I'm not in for the ride...

Thanks for your comments

[jenP]

It sounded from your first post that you signed on to help ORGANIZE the shower. That was very nice of you and a nice way to help your friend. I see organizing as making phone calls, going to pick up or drop off things, planning some games, maybe designing an invitation on your computer. Spending your money should not even ever have come into it! You've already been incredibly helpful and generous. You should feel no guilt for simply telling your friend, "I really enjoyed helping you out with the planning, and I was happy to pitch in my money on buying the prizes and decorations, but I simply cannot afford the time or money to go to the shower itself. Could you drop off this gift to the Mom-to-be with my best wishes please?"

eager to hear how it turned out!

Jen