I am mostly a lurker here but have posted a few times. Its always been about my H. I post here because who knows what is going to happen and I figure that you girls could offer some btdt advice...
For the past year or so, H has been telling me that he wants to move out because I no longer provide him any affection. He says that I don't kiss him or initiate any affection. I will say that some of that is true. I am so busy with ft work, taking care of two little ones, trying to keep up with a house, etc. that I usually just don't have any energy left. He does work long hours so he doesn't get home til late which by then all I want to do is pass out from exhaustion. He did not (until recently) assist in caring for the children, housework, etc. I did it all. Earlier this year I found out that he was talking to another woman. I snooped into his call records. Through internet researching I was able to find out who she was, where she worked, and where she lived. I monitored this for a few months. They texted 24/7! I am not sure how she got any work done because all she did was text him and vice versa. In March, he took an out of town trip, saying he just needed to get away... I came to the conclusion that she joined him on this trip because while he was gone all texting ceased and started back again on his return. In May, i confronted him with this information and instead of fessing up he totally turned everything around and said that I should not have been snooping around and he couldnt' believe I had done that. He also said that all of the energy I was using to snoop around should have been used to improve myself-regarding the lack of affection... He told me that he did not want to talk about her and that she had nothing to do with it. I did not believe him. Summer came and went and in end of July he told me, again, that he was moving out. At this point, he had told me so many times that I no longer took him seriously. I have to admit that I pretty much carried on as normal... we still had sex... I thought alot about them and had gut feelings but I just pushed it to the back of my mind. I quit checking call records as often mostly because I didn't want to face the fact that they were still texting (up to 300 times every two days)... I felt sick everytime I saw it. Last week, someone told me that they saw them together so I knew for sure that they were still talking. For the past month I had noticed that he was spending more time at home, helping with chores, making dinner, etc. It was nice having the help and I have to admit that it felt like old times... I had this hope that he has stopped talking to her and we could get back to our lives... I need to mention that throughout these months I could never get myself to fully give him what he wanted (eventhough I so desperately wanted us to stay together). I just couldn't knowing that she was in the picture. The thought of them consumed my thoughts all day, everyday.
Last night he came home from work and told me that he had broken it off with her because he wanted to work things out with me... I flat out asked him (since he would never admit to it before eventhough all the clues were there) if he was having an affair. He said yes. They had slept together several times and she had accompanied him on the three trips he had taken between March and Sept. He told me that they did not always use condoms!!! He also mentioned to me that they had plans on moving in together and already had their apt. lined up when he decided to break it off. I had no idea that he was planning on moving in with her! I asked him lots of questions. She totally knew about me, knows where I work, what I look like, etc. How could a woman do this to another woman! Anyhow, he proceeds to tell me that at some point in this year he had become depressed because he felt so alone, that I had no room for him in my life because I was too busy with work and kids, and that he just wanted to end his life - because I was not the person that he wanted me to be... That is why he started a relationship with her. She gave him that attention.
I did not know what to say. I just felt so numb. He now is laying it on me as far as whether we separate or not. I am just not feeling anything. I am just totally disgusted. Disgusted that he would do this, disgusted that he was such a coward, and disgusted that his penis was in someone else.
I just don't know what to say, how to act, or what to do... I am just so numb...
For the past year or so, H has been telling me that he wants to move out because I no longer provide him any affection. He says that I don't kiss him or initiate any affection. I will say that some of that is true. I am so busy with ft work, taking care of two little ones, trying to keep up with a house, etc. that I usually just don't have any energy left. He does work long hours so he doesn't get home til late which by then all I want to do is pass out from exhaustion. He did not (until recently) assist in caring for the children, housework, etc. I did it all. Earlier this year I found out that he was talking to another woman. I snooped into his call records. Through internet researching I was able to find out who she was, where she worked, and where she lived. I monitored this for a few months. They texted 24/7! I am not sure how she got any work done because all she did was text him and vice versa. In March, he took an out of town trip, saying he just needed to get away... I came to the conclusion that she joined him on this trip because while he was gone all texting ceased and started back again on his return. In May, i confronted him with this information and instead of fessing up he totally turned everything around and said that I should not have been snooping around and he couldnt' believe I had done that. He also said that all of the energy I was using to snoop around should have been used to improve myself-regarding the lack of affection... He told me that he did not want to talk about her and that she had nothing to do with it. I did not believe him. Summer came and went and in end of July he told me, again, that he was moving out. At this point, he had told me so many times that I no longer took him seriously. I have to admit that I pretty much carried on as normal... we still had sex... I thought alot about them and had gut feelings but I just pushed it to the back of my mind. I quit checking call records as often mostly because I didn't want to face the fact that they were still texting (up to 300 times every two days)... I felt sick everytime I saw it. Last week, someone told me that they saw them together so I knew for sure that they were still talking. For the past month I had noticed that he was spending more time at home, helping with chores, making dinner, etc. It was nice having the help and I have to admit that it felt like old times... I had this hope that he has stopped talking to her and we could get back to our lives... I need to mention that throughout these months I could never get myself to fully give him what he wanted (eventhough I so desperately wanted us to stay together). I just couldn't knowing that she was in the picture. The thought of them consumed my thoughts all day, everyday.
Last night he came home from work and told me that he had broken it off with her because he wanted to work things out with me... I flat out asked him (since he would never admit to it before eventhough all the clues were there) if he was having an affair. He said yes. They had slept together several times and she had accompanied him on the three trips he had taken between March and Sept. He told me that they did not always use condoms!!! He also mentioned to me that they had plans on moving in together and already had their apt. lined up when he decided to break it off. I had no idea that he was planning on moving in with her! I asked him lots of questions. She totally knew about me, knows where I work, what I look like, etc. How could a woman do this to another woman! Anyhow, he proceeds to tell me that at some point in this year he had become depressed because he felt so alone, that I had no room for him in my life because I was too busy with work and kids, and that he just wanted to end his life - because I was not the person that he wanted me to be... That is why he started a relationship with her. She gave him that attention.
I did not know what to say. I just felt so numb. He now is laying it on me as far as whether we separate or not. I am just not feeling anything. I am just totally disgusted. Disgusted that he would do this, disgusted that he was such a coward, and disgusted that his penis was in someone else.
I just don't know what to say, how to act, or what to do... I am just so numb...
. Yeah, it's nice that he had TIME to feel "alone", because you were the one doing everything! I notice he wasn't feeling so badly about it that he HELPED you so that you'd have more time to focus on the marriage. This statement is all about him - what he needed, how hard it was for him... What about how it's been for you? Where's your trophy for holding it all together while he felt sorry for himself and comforted himself with the attentions of another person? Seems like you were pretty "alone" yourself. So really, don't let him hold that garbage over your head. It's ridiculous.
im going on day 3...i wish i had words of wisdom for you but i cant even help myself lol. I found out he was texting/calling a girl all day everyday i discovered this less than a month ago asked him if there was anything or anybody else he was hiding he ensured me there wasnt we stayed together we moved on. Honestly we were doing real good but i still felt a gut feeling so three days ago i checked an old cell he had to discover he was talking to 2 OTHER GIRLS..while he was talking to the other!!! Sorry for the long story but what am saying is i totally understand and your not alone. Im getting prepared for seperation tho looking at job opportunties and at apartments.
and 
as you figure out which path the the right one for your family to take now. 
for all the children hurt in this situation and all those like it out there. I feel that mistresses make themselves blind to the harm they are causing families and justify their actions as helping. All seem to me to be symptoms of “our” society’s gimme gimme gimme me culture.
When we first met I didn't know he was married. Things happened that night and halfway through he stopped and said he couldn't do it because he was married. We agreed to be just friends and it quickly turned right back into a sexual thing. We had this insane chemistry, it was ridiculous. We saw each other repeatedly for months until he got a job offer and moved out of town. By then we had developed a very close friendship and when I got into a serious relationship he even came up to meet my DP (he didn't admit it until after, but he wanted to "approve" of DP). A year later we saw each other again (this is after DP was out of the picture) and we slept together. I'm pretty sure that's when he fell in love with me. Which scared the CRAP out of me, to the point that I didn't sleep with him when I saw him again a few weeks later (what did happen ended up being worse, I think). That was a year ago and we haven't seen each other since. We still talk, and honestly, I can't say that I won't ever sleep with him again. I won't lie...it very possibly might happen, as horrible as that sounds.
x about a bazillion for you, mama.
