Non-cuddly baby??

[LeaPea]

My daughter is 4 months old, and hates to be cuddled!! She has been like this since day one, but it has recently become worse because she is learning to become mobile. Now, she wiggles out of our arms and seems like she wants to be put down. She will let us hold her facing out, and sometimes on our shoulder. She used to let me rock her to sleep, but now she just wants to be put in her car seat and rocked. Honestly, it breaks mine and my husband's hearts. We feel like we are doing something wrong, even though everyone assures us she just wants to be independent. Has anyone had a baby like this? We always thought we would have this cuddly baby who would want to sleep on our chests and be rocked to sleep. Does it change?

[ErinYay]

V was VERY much like this.

Luckily, around 8 months, she became super-cuddly (for her). As she became more comfortable on her feet (standing alone at 8 months, first steps at 9, and she's toddling now at nearly 10) she really started to need physical reassurance more.

I wouldn't say she'll sit and snuggle, but she's more tolerant of cuddles, and will willingly sit and climb on you, and (our favorite) DIVES on us for "hagu" (she's sooo our kid- she only has like 4 words, and one is in Japanese- it means "hug").

We coslept until a few weeks ago, when we realized she really does sleep better on her own. It was (and still is) very hard for me, but her personality is pretty independent. Word on the street is she's almost EXACTLY like her momma was as a baby- fearless and bold and fiercely independent, and, as a happy, healthy adult, I LOVE cuddles, so don't worry too much.

[lach]

My DD was like that. She hated to be rocked to sleep. She REALLY hated to be carried or worn. She only wanted to sit in her bucket seat, facing out. I definitely felt like I was doing something wrong! Everyone I knew was complaining about their babies needing to be rocked to sleep for 1/2 an hour after every wakeup... my DD wouldn't fall asleep in my arms for anything. She needed to be swaddled and put down and then she'd kinda cry/yell exactly three times, each accompanied by a head flip, (a pretty amusing sight) and then she'd be out like a light.

It's definitely startling when kids come out with their own personalities, and always in ways that you never expect! I always joke that my kids obviously didn't read the same parenting books that I did.

[treeoflife3]

My kiddo is only just now getting cuddly. As a baby, she HAD to be held (couldn't put her down) but she REFUSED to be cradled or facing in unless my boob was in her mouth. She needed to be out looking at the world.

At 18 months she finally gives random hugs and will sit with us for longer than 30 seconds. she likes to be loved on now. Took long enough!

[LeaPea]

I'm glad to hear that other people have babies like mine! My daughter is exactly like everyone describes. She refuses to go into any carrier, has to be held out, and hates being rocked to sleep!

she REFUSED to be cradled or facing in unless my boob was in her mouth

This is exactly like my daughter. I thought all babies liked to be held like that. Boy, was I wrong!! Oddly enough, we cosleep and she wiggles to be next to me, but only in her sleep!

It just hurts a little, KWIM? I know she isn't rejecting us, but sometimes it feels like that.

[treeoflife3]

It felt like that to me too... it certainly didn't help all the other problems I was having/dealing with.

[momto4plus4]

This is one reason I nursed DD1 until she was 3. It was the ONLY time she would snuggle. She's 9 1/2 now and still isn't cuddly. It is hard. One thing is that we've worked really hard to give her physical touch whether it be kisses, hugs, holding hands, etc, because even though she doesn't like to sit and cuddle (now she tries but can't stop moving) she's still in need of that loving touch. She actually gets upset if we don't hug & kiss her at bedtime. So, maybe as your daughter grows you'll be able to find the ways that she likes and needs that touch.

[Sorin]

My kid is not a cuddler. From the day she was born, she wanted to be carried facing out. I had read that newborns love being held in a sling with their head turned so that they can hear the beating of their mother's heart and feel her skin against the side of their face. HA! Not my kid. I tried to put her in a Moby wrap that way (she could not have been more than a few weeks old), and she craned her neck and tried to push off against me so that she could see something. The same thing happened with the Bjorn. When facing toward me, she would spend the entire time grunting and trying to see the sky. She will let us carry her over our shoulder (I guess because she can at least see where she's been!), and she's not crazy about being rocked to sleep.

The breast is all about food for her--there is no such thing as comfort nursing--and that is just the way she is. The funny thing is, my mother said that I was the exact same way! I was not very cuddly as a baby, and DH complains that at night, I don't like to cuddle up against him while we are sleeping. (I don't because I get too hot!) So, I guess she inherited her non-cuddly ways from me!

[lrgs]

Originally Posted by Sorin

The funny thing is, my mother said that I was the exact same way! I was not very cuddly as a baby, and DH complains that at night, I don't like to cuddle up against him while we are sleeping. (I don't because I get too hot!) So, I guess she inherited her non-cuddly ways from me!

Same here......my mom said I just wasn't a huge fan of being held......tolerated it for awhile but liked to be put down. To this day I need my space and am not a night time cuddler.

DD2 has been fairly cuddly but seems to be getting less and less so I guess she's just getting bigger and interested in what's going on. She loves to be held facing out and if she's in the carrier when she's not tired her head is held way back and she's looking all around.....I think she'd much rather face out. I can cradle hold her when nursing or when she's very tired.......otherwise she wants to be looking around or on my legs facing and talking to me. She also loves to lay on the floor and play.....sometimes gets fussy being held but is content on the ground. She seems to prefer to fall asleep swaddled in her bed.

[Tellera]

Another no-cuddler babe here. DS, now 4 1/2, was never a cuddler. I also thought we were doing something wrong at first. Now he loves to "snuggle" on his terms at bedtime, it means less actual snuggling and more just chilling next to each other touching a bit, with some hugs, and for me to scratch his back, lol. Somewhere in there, I can't remember when, he started to love to get and give hugs, but not long ones. It's just who he is. I read somewhere that introvert babes/kids do less cuddling (I think, it was a much more involved explanation). It doesn't surprise me if he is an introvert, both his dad and I are.

I also have a DD, and she is seeming to be like him, as well. I *can* wear her in a front carry like an ergo for shortish trips, but she hates the sling, which DS actually enjoyed. Kinda bums me out, though, she MUCH prefers a stroller over any carrier I have.

[LeaPea]

NAK

How did you get your little ones to sleep? She no longer wan\ts to be rocked, nly swung in her car seat

[momto4plus4]

Have you tried just putting her down in a crib? Mine wanted to be alone in her crib stretched out. Totally not in line with AP but it's what she liked.

[LeaPea]

No, maybe I will try that. How long would it take your baby to fall asleep? Would they cry?

[momto4plus4]

We had a routine with her. We'd give her "naked time" on the floor playmat then diaper/pjs then nurse then lay in crib with her blankie (I think I used to sing to her too). I think I also had one of the aquarium crib toys we'd turn on. She'd usually be asleep, without crying, within 20 minutes.

[LeaPea]

Maybe I will try that tonight. What did you do for naps??

[tzs]

also not a cuddler.
i'm hoping she'll be more into it as a bigger kid.
she does get snuggly if she's a little sick and although i feel bad for her i DO take advantage of the situation to get my cuddle on.

[stephbrownthinks]

Originally Posted by momto4plus4

Have you tried just putting her down in a crib? Mine wanted to be alone in her crib stretched out. Totally not in line with AP but it's what she liked.

This is my son exactly!!! He's 5 months. He does like to be cuddled, but NOT to sleep. He will cry and arch his back if I try to rock him, but if I put him in his crib he'll lay right down and go to sleep. If he fusses I can rub his back, "shhhhh" him, or give him his paci but he will flip if I try to pick him up. We don't do CIO, but we also don't nurse, rock, or cuddle to sleep because he won't let us. I would LOVE to nurse my baby and rock him in my arms... even if it took 30 minutes each time.

For awhile I thought he was a bad napper, but I just wasn't giving him the space he needed. Now as soon as I see signs of him being tired, I lay him in his crib (fully awake) on his tummy and he lays his head down and falls asleep. He has a white noise machine and he knows if I turn it on its sleepy time.

If I know he needs to go to sleep but he's fighting it, I lay him on his back and he'll play and look around for a few minutes, then go to sleep then I just flip him back on his stomach. He will only nap or stay asleep on his tummy. If he's on his back it will be a 10 minute nap, if he's on his tummy its 2 hours.

[Tellera]

On sleep... We spent a HORRENDOUS two months or so at night going to sleep once he stopped falling asleep nursing. We tried everything rocking, bouncing, singing, whatever, you name it. Eventually just crying to sleep in arms. Then one day I was just SICK OF IT and layed him down awake in the amby, sang him a song, and collapsed on the floor. He fell asleep. Within 5 minutes. No crying or fussing. I was crying and laughing (sort of hysterically) at the same time. Every night afterwards was the same, lay him down, he falls asleep happily on his own. I was kicking myself for not trying it earlier, but you know, I just thought babies needed to be helped to sleep from what I'd read. Every babe is different.

[ErinYay]

Originally Posted by Tellera

On sleep... We spent a HORRENDOUS two months or so at night going to sleep once he stopped falling asleep nursing. We tried everything rocking, bouncing, singing, whatever, you name it. Eventually just crying to sleep in arms. Then one day I was just SICK OF IT and layed him down awake in the amby, sang him a song, and collapsed on the floor. He fell asleep. Within 5 minutes. No crying or fussing. I was crying and laughing (sort of hysterically) at the same time. Every night afterwards was the same, lay him down, he falls asleep happily on his own. I was kicking myself for not trying it earlier, but you know, I just thought babies needed to be helped to sleep from what I'd read. Every babe is different.

This, but replace "Amby" with "crib."

We spent a horrible almost-month trying to get her to sleep- we coslept for night, and she napped in her cosleeper, and until 8 months, she went down nice and easy after being nursed and cuddled with, laying down on our bed. Then she got sick, cut 4 teeth, and learned to step alone, all in the same week, and everything went straight to h311.

I put her in her crib so I could paint the bathroom, and after about 3 minutes of playing quietly, she was out like a light. Since then, she's napped and gone to bed in her crib, often going in there wide awake and playing happily for a few, then crashing on her own. When she cries, I pick her up, rock her and/or nurse her, then put her down again, and hold her hand and pat her back.

It's taken no more than 15 minutes to get her down for good for a nap or bed since we started this, which is such a welcome relief after spending 1-2 hours per nap, and 4+ hours at night getting her to sleep.

[P.J.]

Wow, as much as I enjoy rocking nursing and singing my LO to sleep, I sure do wish he was as easy as that to put down; I just made a thread about how hard it is for us that I'm the only one that can get him down.

Anyway DS does like being cuddled to sleep and when we sleep at night we cuddle and I love it! But during the day he's not into it. He's also not into being carried all that much, usually 20 mins maximum, even when we go on walks he gets annoyed ~we're getting a stroller soon and he may prefer that, we'll see. Lately whenever I pick him up and hold him in my arms he pushes against me until I turn him out-facing, and that's the only way I can hold him, and sometimes I wear him like that too. Right now he's just so preoccupied with learning to crawl that he simply has no interest in sitting still in my arms or lap or cuddling. I kinda hope someday that'll change as I love cuddling but what to do? Each baby is unique and some just aren't cuddlers.