"intimate encounter" : would you do it? have you done it?

[NolaRiordan]

I was married 16 years, we were together over 20. Been divorced 2 years now. I have mixed emotions about dating. I tried online dating for 6 months. Didn't find anyone I wanted to see in person. Sometimes I just feel like I don't have the time to fit a real relationship into my life at this point anyway.
But I do feel like I have some physical needs that aren't being met if you know what I mean. So I was looking at the "intimate encounter" ads on Plenty of Fish. There are some profiles there with guys who look decent and normal who say things like I'm saying-- don't really have time for a relationship but would like to find someone to get together with on occasion.
So has anyone tried this? Good experiences or bad? What questions would you ask ahead of time? Is it just too dangerous?

[*MamaJen*]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it, as long as both parties go into it with honesty. Obviously, you would have to follow the same safety rules you would use for any kind of online dating.

[Super~Single~Mama]

I wouldn't do it b/c I would afraid of dishonesty on his part, and I would be afraid of being taken advantage of if I ended up feeling uncomfortable with the situation. I'm also not big on casual sex b/c its just not good for me. If you decide to do it, make sure to go into it with both eyes WIDE open.

[meemee]

just me but i would be waaay to uncomfortable with that.

i would much prefer to have friends with benefits.

also there are events that i go to that if anyone wanted that opportunity was there. these are similar minding people so there is a safety in the group setting.

if i had to i would much rather pay money for an escort service kinda deal.

for me its not the safety thing that matters. its the chance that it might be someone cheating on his relationship. THAT is the biggest ewww factor for me.

[Avani]

I couldn't. Do you have any guy friends that you know and trust that would be open to booty calls

[septmommy]

I agree with trying to find a friends with benefits situation. I currently have an ex with benefits. So far that is working well for us.

[NolaRiordan]

Originally Posted by Avani

I couldn't. Do you have any guy friends that you know and trust that would be open to booty calls

Nope. Wish I did. The male friends that I have are gay.

[NolaRiordan]

Originally Posted by meemee

just me but i would be waaay to uncomfortable with that.

i would much prefer to have friends with benefits.

also there are events that i go to that if anyone wanted that opportunity was there. these are similar minding people so there is a safety in the group setting.
.

So what kind of events are those?

[MissLotus]

It sounds very unwise to me. Since you both wouldn't be taking time to get to know each other - and yet you would not just be meeting in public places... You'd be alone with a total stranger. A brief scan of the news would freak me right out of that idea. There are some crazy, scary people out there - who are good at seeming normal at the beginning. I wouldn't take a chance at being with one of them.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by NolaRiordan

So what kind of events are those?

events that artsy open minded - not new agey - folks like to do. like people who go to burning man and hang out together. or a gathering of open poly kinda people who are willing to have it.

the THING here is the intimate encounter is secondary. there is a built in trust and respect even amongst strangers to be open and honest and respectful. where it isnt just one fulfilling ones pleasure but its a joint effort.

i know for my friends a kinda close group of goths i would say have that.

now please know i am not stereotyping. you cant just join a group looking for sex. you dont go to things like raves for that 'action'. you stick out like a sore thumb.

sex happens to be a natural part of the group.

there are some single parenting groups in my city that has kinda turned into sex seeking groups. and for that reason many dont go to it, unless i guess that's what they want. it because so bad that one of them closed their chapter in my city.

[provocativa]

yeah, the radicals are much more relaxed about sex. i was a punk rocker and ran wiht the artsy set. . . . you could probably just wear a shirt that says 'looking for a friend with benefits' and find someone agreeable.

[lilyka]

No. Even if I was open to booty calls (I am not) it would have to be a friends with benefits situation. I could never have sex with a total stranger.

[candycat]

I wouldn't, but that's just because sex in and of itself is pretty useless to me.

I love, love, love sex, don't get me wrong. But I couldn't do it with just anyone. I know other people could, and I don't judge that, but I don't think I could even get turned on with a stranger, unless there was just insane chemistry, and there's no way you could know until you met in person. I've had one "chemistry" moment in my entire life so far, and I've met lots of guys. Most of them don't interest me in a purely physical sense. If we have a connection (friends or whatever) then that's different, then the physical connection can grow from that. But as far as "omg I'm totally gonna take my clothes off with this person I've never met before" - eh, it hasn't really been my thing!

If you want to, go for it, though. I know several of my friends who are into that and enjoy the no-strings fun.

[smeep]

I have. Though it wasn't an online hookup specifically for sex. But I've had a some "friends with benefits" in my day (probably more than I should admit ). A coworker, an old friend from high school. Only one guy that I met at a bar whom I didn't have mutual friends with (but we didn't start sleeping together that night).

You might consider perhaps going out and meeting people...you'd be surprised how easy it is to find someone that you click with on a personal conversational level as friends but whom you can also have a physical relationship. It seems to be better that way, IMO, because it's not as awkward and it's generally pretty easy to end it without any problems if you get along well enough (hence why it's a good idea to get along with them aside from the sex). Plus the sex is better that way when you click on other levels. But I would avoid a simple online hookup. You don't really get to feel the person out, and it would scare me a little, not to mention the awkwardness!

[Butterflymom]

I don't see anything wrong with it. But from plenty of fish....? Ew!
May I suggest regular dating sites for your area (not pof! So sleazy) but you just put very clearly that you are looking for a friends with benefits situation?
Can I throw out one other option, if you have the opportunity (childcare) to leave your area for 48 hours? Sugar Daddy dating sites. If you hit it off with a gentleman (ahem-millionaire) on those sites, he will fly you to interesting locations, put you in nice hotel suites, take you to Michelin star restaurants, and take you shopping for a killer new ensemble to wear while out on his arm! Film premiers, VIP sections, car & driver escorting you about, etc, etc are all part of the package/experience, and these types of relationships are drama-free, clear cut friendship arrangements, not traditional relationships, & a total escape from reality. You return home with gifts/clothes/trinkets, and the men are generally way more exciting, intelligent, interesting, trustworthy, and gentlemanly than your average non-millionaire (dufuses don't usually figure out how to get rich).

[NolaRiordan]

Originally Posted by Butterflymom

I don't see anything wrong with it. But from plenty of fish....? Ew!

Honestly I saw at least as many skanky guys on match.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by NolaRiordan

Honestly I saw at least as many skanky guys on match.

I have been thinking about this lately - why this rubs me the wrong way.

and i realised its not the ethics of it. i am totally ok with that.

what concerns me is the STDs and AIDS. how do you make sure you take care of that?

[NolaRiordan]

Originally Posted by meemee

what concerns me is the STDs and AIDS. how do you make sure you take care of that?

Right, that's probably my biggest hesitation about doing this. A condom can't protect you from everything. And of course you can ask and people can lie. My other big fear is that the guy would turn out to be married. On the other hand there are plenty of examples where women knew a guy really well and trusted him and he still lied about this kind of thing. So there's always risk. But how much risk am I willing to take. Still figuring that out.

[meemee]

a good reason to have prostitution legalised so that they have regular health checks and a 'clean' certificate so that 'clean' is normal rather than not.

and a guarantee that all is 'good'. that is beleivable.