Just a little rant about rudeness...

[JollyPop]

Yesterday I was standing in line at the checkout, and I had a bottle or prenatal vitamins in my basket. The really cute, elderly cashier got excited and started asking me those little questions such as whether or not this was my first. As she checked my items, she gave me a few 'warnings' and suggestions, such as try to put my feet up once a day and not lift anything over my head. I told her I would be as careful as possible.

The lady behind me started muttering about how stupid superstitions were. She caught up with me on the parking lot and told me I was much more patient than she. " I would have probably hit someone for telling me crap like that."

Frankly, I was appalled. What did it hurt for the cashier to tell me these things? It was sincere and good natured advice, even if I know its unfounded. Did it really cost me anything to be patient and polite? Why are people so angry all of the time? So defensive?

Not really a topic of importance, but something I needed to get off of my chest. It made me kind of sad. How to do you other pregnant mamas deal with advice or superstitions that are given in such a way? Do you feel its okay to accept them politely? Do you feel the need to correct the person on their knowledge? How would you have reacted to the rude lady?

[PoppyMama]

My mom still thought that. I think it was a practical superstition that helped women take it a little easier from their plethora of tasks. I laughed at her a little but an older cashier being polite would have received a smiling nod and a thank you. No, it's not necessary to be rude or angry.

[Blanca78]

I agree, it sounds like the cashier was being really sweet and was just excited for you. The woman overreacted.

[annablue]

No, I don't think there's any need to be rude or correct people. Most of the time the advice/superstitions are harmless, and people mean well! I just smile and nod and say things like, "I'll keep that in mind."

[misskira]

Well I would much rather have that good natured kindness than the horror stories people enjoy terrifying pregnant women with. That's what I consider rudeness. Oh, or the man at the grocery store who asked if I was carrying a litter when I was 7 months with my first. Yes, I'm huge, thank you, I know that.

[lillymonster]

if someone is nice and doing it out of just being friendly, I ignore it. But I can tell there are just "negative" people who dwell on telling horror stories, and yes those people I want to punch! But I think people are too defensive. I mean, I can tell the difference between someone just trying to make conversation and someone who seems to enjoy spreading misery. And I think wanting to punch someone for just making conversation fits into the "spreading misery" pile.

[babyjelly]

If the superstitions are harmless, I smile and nod and thank them for their well-wishes. If the advice is dangerous, I still smile and thank them, but gently say, "Actually, we know that's not true now." or something to that effect. There's no need to be rude.
When I get super cranky at the end and everything makes me cry or want to punch people, I avoid places where other people might be. Grocery stores with a self-check lane at three am FTW!
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[EdnaMarie]

I think you were really sweet.

I agree that unless advice is truly dangerous, I just smile and nod, and if it's really dangerous, I think a variant of babyjelly's reply is good: "Interesting. Recent research suggests that we do X now. Funny how things change!"

Horror stories I listen to with empathy. That person is not really saying, "Birth has to be horrible!" What she's really saying is, "This happened to me and it hurt so bad. It was real. I need to share it to have it validated." Might be a little selfish but not mean.

That woman did massively overreact but then... she might be hormonal and pregnant, in which case, I give her a pass. LOL!

[JollyPop]

Thanks for the replies. Glad I'm not the only one who thought this was over-the-top for the situation. I agree, I don't know what the angry lady was experiencing, so my reply to her was a smile and a simple, " It doesn't bother me." Which it doesn't.

I guess the dangerous advice doesn't bother me either because I try to be well informed myself, so that I know better. I figure that if the persons giving the dangerous advice are past their child bearing years, and not medical professionals, then they can't really hurt anyone. Well, no. I guess if I overheard someone giving dangerous advice to say, a teen mother who was absolutely clueless...I might intervene and try to correct the information. That would be different.

[DanielleT]

I would have done the same; polietly taken the "advise" with a smile and carried on with my day...Had the other shopper approached me and said that she would have hit the poor cashier for giving that type of advise i would have just told her that it was then a good thing the cashier told me and not her...People amaze me everyday and it's usually not in a good way...

[Smokering]

Maybe they were both trying to be supportive? The cashier was, technically, out of line for giving you unsolicited advice (I mean, it sounds like she was nice and all, and I probably wouldn't have minded either: but I can see how it would offend someone, maybe someone who was still freaking out over the pregnancy or who'd already been dumped on with superstitious advice from a thousand female relatives). The other woman - maybe she'd been plagued with unnecessary, interfering advice during her last pregnancy and consequently assumed you'd be as annoyed as she was? She could have been trying to tell you you don't have to listen to that kind of thing, albeit in a rather negative/sour way. Maybe. Anyway, it sounds like you handled it nicely, in a way that fit either situation!

[hollytheteacher]

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie

I think you were really sweet.

I agree that unless advice is truly dangerous, I just smile and nod, and if it's really dangerous, I think a variant of babyjelly's reply is good: "Interesting. Recent research suggests that we do X now. Funny how things change!"

Horror stories I listen to with empathy. That person is not really saying, "Birth has to be horrible!" What she's really saying is, "This happened to me and it hurt so bad. It was real. I need to share it to have it validated." Might be a little selfish but not mean.

That woman did massively overreact but then... she might be hormonal and pregnant, in which case, I give her a pass. LOL!

I so agree with this. I had a horrible birth with ds...tons of things went wrong, i felt terrible, etc. and it hurts to keep it inside. In fact, I recently shared the whole thing with my doula for this current pregnancy and it felt so amazing to tell the whole story (sort of like get it off my chest). I certainly do not share my story my pregnant ppl because it is horrifying in some levels, but I also think there is not enough out there in terms of support group type places that women who go through traumatic births can talk about it (and unfortunately I think it's pretty common to have a traumatic birth ...especially with your first when you don't really know how much of a voice you can have about your own birth). It does help me feel better whenever I do get an appropriate chance to talk about it (such as with other moms with multiple children who may have also had a hard experience and shared it with me first).

[amandarc1983]

I'm so glad I found this thread! I have heard many pregnant women upset with the unsolicited advice. I myself never really minded it. I love talking about my pregnancy, and if someone is willing to talk about it with me, then I'm thrilled. As for the superstitions, I have always followed them from time to time. They can be fun, like the gender superstitions. If I was given advice though, for example, about stretching your arm above your head can strangle the baby with the cord, I would probably be kind and not start a debate.

I agree with the pp about validating their pg. It is perhaps the most exciting time in your life, and once you've had your baby, and you're not showing, you really don't discuss it anymore. It's quite depressing now that I think about it. Maybe I'll write a memoir, lol.