Motivatiion and bike-riding at 8

[lisalu100]

The 8 year old I nanny for refuses to try to ride his bike. Or try to swim. He says he doesn't see the point in either. His friends can do both, but even pointing out that he would be able to play with them, have more freedom etc, he refuses to agree. He is extremely stubborn, and his parents let him make his own decisions most of the time (very AP, pretty permissive IMHO). I think they're hoping that his 2 year old sister will eventually learn to do these things, and that will finally motivate him. It infuriates me that he won't even try, but he's not my child, and to be honest, his parents are much better at motivating him to do anything than I am. I've asked what would motivate him, and he says nothing...

Any ideas, BTDT? Thanks.

[nextcommercial]

He doesn't even know HOW to ride a bike? Or he just has no interest?

Those things would bother me if I were his parents, depending on where I lived. If I lived in a place where bike riding was very common, and most kids rode bikes, I'd want him to learn.... just learn. If he has no interest, i'd let it go.

Where I live learning to swim is a must. You learn to swim here. It's not optional. But, if he just didn't like swimming, I'd be OK with that too. But, he WOULD learn.

If my child had zero interest in those kinds of physical activity, I'd let it go.... after he at least tried to learn.

As for you, I'd let it drop completely. He isn't yours, so it probably doesn't have any affect on your life. Unless you need him to ride bikes for some reason, just let it go from your mind. The more you concentrate on it, the more it will bug you. The more it bugs you, the more he will drag his feet. You say he's strong willed.... he'll do it when he's ready, and when it's his idea.

At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter if he's 45 years old and has never ridden a bike.

[mamazee]

I don't think allowing a child to decide what activities he wants to do or not do has anything to do with permissiveness. Why shouldn't he be able to decide if he wants to ride a bike or swim? Unless he lives on a lake or something and it's a safety issue. Why are you infuriated that he won't try? I don't understand why you feel so personally affected by something so entirely about him.

[DaughterOfKali]

My son is almost 8 and doesn't know how to ride a bike. His coordination is awful. (his physical therapist has worked with him on this to no avail.)
He gets very frustrated and I'm sure it makes him feel bad that he can't do it. So he avoids even trying now.

I wonder if the boy you nanny for is actual fearful.

[lisalu100]

I guess it could be fear, but more likely fear of failure. It infuriates me so much because I care for him, work 50 hours there a week, and I spent nap-time today listening to him complain he was bored, when I know that if he could ride a bike, he would have been outside playing. The swimming bothers me because his lack of ability means I can't take all the kids at the same time.

And overall, I think he's missing out on fun because he won't try these things, and his parents won't push him. I'm not saying that's wrong, I just wish between the three of us, we could get him to try.

[lisalu100]

In two years, he's only ridden on the bike a handful of times, and his Dad took the stabilizers off this summer, and now he won't get on it. I guess I feel like the longer it goes on, the harder it will be to be, say, the 10 year old at swim lessons, or the 11 year old at the park trying to ride your bike, so much so, that he'll always just say he isn't interested.

Maybe he just isn't interested, but I don't think so. He is willing to try at other activities - he plays soccer and gymnastics, but does comment that he doesn't want others at school to know, in case they come to watch, and he doesn't do very well.

So, any actual advice on ways to motivate him?

[velochic]

Originally Posted by lisalu100

So, any actual advice on ways to motivate him?

Most people around here let their kids lead the way. You may not get any advice because "motivate" often is another word for "manipulate".

My thoughts - Leave him alone about it.

Who cares if he rides a bike or not? Seriously. Look at my user name. I used to be a competitive cyclist. My own 8yo has no desire to ride a bike. It's not a big deal. I'm ready and willing when she does want to, but as long as she doesn't *want* to, I'm not going to force (motivate) her to do so.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

I didn't know how to ride a bike at 8yo. I think I learned at 10yo then I forgot (yes in fact you can forget how to ride a bike, I've known several people who forgot!) and learned again at 13/14yo. No big deal.

If he doesn't want to ride a bike, *trying* to make him is only going to make it even less interesting.

[Bekka]

This is all very good to hear. I have a 12 year old and a 10 year old (dd's) who are minimally interested in learning to ride a bike. I have a son who wants to learn but is very nervous about the whole thing. He's 6. I'm pretty sure he'll learn this fall/winter. His friends both learned to ride at 5; his friend's little brother has learned to ride and just.barely.turned.4. My kids really aren't that interested. And we live in a great neighborhood for bike riding! Cul de sacs, etc. And we have bikes at all their sizes.

[cappuccinosmom]

Since you don't have the authority to force the issue, there's not much you can do to motivate him.

If he could bike and swim, he's still likely complain of boredom at times. 1. Kids do that. and 2. He wouldn't *want* to bike or swim all the time. If the complaining is a problem, answer "Well, find something to do, or I'll find something for you to do, and you might not enjoy it as much as something you chose.".

In the end, he could reach adulthood never having ridden a bike or gone swimming and still be a happy, productive adult. IMO, it's nice to give kids the opportunity if you can, and encourage them if they're interested. But not something to get worked up over and horribleize. If he is some day motivated to do these things, he will overcome his age and embarassment and just do it, because at that point they will be more important to him.

[DariusMom]

My BIL can neither swim nor ride a bike and he's fine!

Seriously, though, I do get the frustration. My DS (now 7.5, 8 in December) was *extremely* resistant to riding a bike. Extremely. Why did we force it? We live in Holland and you basically *have* to ride a bike to get around. Seriously. It's not only a serious social handicap (kids zoom around on their bikes all day in our neighborhood), but a very serious logistical problem once he was too big to ride on the back of my bike or DH's. So he really just had to. We devised all sorts of methods (the best was running behind him with a long sheet that was wrapped around his body like a rope and we held the ends). He was still late at 5.5 (kids start riding without training wheels at three or four!), but he did it.

Swimming is also a non-negotiable for us because there's so much water around. Plus, after next year, there are some school excursions he'd be excluded from if he didn't have his swim diplomas. Thankfully, he'll take his second diploma test next month and we're through.

DS is not very athletic and is hypermobile. http://www.skillsforaction.com/?q=joint-hypermobility This makes athletic/physical activities that are easy for most kids harder for DS. It sounds like the boy you nanny for could have something similar going on.

Ultimately, though, it's not your call to make. If it's really impacting your ability to do your job (take all kids swimming, for instance), I think you could talk to the parents. If you read through the link and find that it sounds like the boy, you might also bring that up with the parents (though there's no "cure", DS has gone to a physical therapist and it's helped us all to know and have an explanation for why physical stuff is harder for him). Other than that, I think you have to let it go.

[4evermom]

It infuriates you???

It isn't your place to be infuriated. Unless his parents told you to get him to ride his bike, leave it alone. You are likely making him more resistant to the idea by trying to get him to do it when he doesn't feel ready.

My ds just felt ready to have his training wheels off after he turned 9. My dh didn't learn until he was 12. Neither can swim and it really doesn't effect their lives. I do expect ds will learn how to swim, however. He's very sensitive and needs to have a lot of time to acclimate to water. He's already much more comfortable in it than he was a couple years ago. Unfortunately, we don't have anywhere affordable to swim around here.

[DaughterOfKali]

Originally Posted by lisalu100

I guess it could be fear, but more likely fear of failure. It infuriates me so much because I care for him, work 50 hours there a week, and I spent nap-time today listening to him complain he was bored, when I know that if he could ride a bike, he would have been outside playing. The swimming bothers me because his lack of ability means I can't take all the kids at the same time.

(bolding mine). I think you need to find a different line of work.

[phathui5]

Maybe he really isn't that interested in bike riding and swimming?

[mattemma04]

My ds is 8 and won't ride a bike.Bought him one 2 years ago.Still has the price tag on it,and got rusty in the garage.My dd on the other hand learned at age 5.I think my mom held the bike for her.She wanted to learn atleast.Ds does not. I will let it go.Dd was terrible at learning to swing.I pushed her and pushed her to learn new stuff .Poor thing. I was easier on ds.

For swimming a basic class or one on one day lesson for safety tips would be good for him.That is something I would suggest to the parents.The bike issue I would drop.There are other things to do outside besides bike riding.