Oops, I *am* that mom.

[confustication]

My eight year old daughter is largely oblivious to the world around her. For the second time in just a couple months, she lost her glasses. We've put everything in place for her to keep track of them, but she lost them- again. Yes, I eventually found them, but it was just another indication that she refuses to keep track of her things.

In addition to this, when I wandered in to help her find them, she had everything in her room scattered about s though a whirl-wind had been through. We pick her room up together every day, and really there isn't a lot in it to begin with, but she managed to have the few things there are spread from one end to the other.

I was completely frustrated, and was not as gentle as anyone should be. I yelled, I ranted, etc and so on. I didn't really even realize what I was doing until I looked at my two year old watching me with his hand on his hip as he shook his finger just the way I was. (I mean really, can you get anymore stereotypical?)

*sigh* I feel terrible. Both that I was that mean to her, that I didn't have a better way of dealing with it, and that my super-sensitive kids had to deal with Crazy Mom.

I don't get frustrated much with the younger kids, but I am often frustrated with my oldest. In many ways, I think I feel that she *should* be able to manage a few things on her own at this point (pick up your room, brush your hair every day, don't lose your glasses... ) and when she doesn't I struggle to respond as I should. Suggestions? Advice? BTDT?

[Aeress]

Glasses- Do you know why she takes them off? Are they just for reading? Just thinking out loud. Glasses are expensive to replace if lost or broken, so yes, I would be upset if she couldn't find the glasses.

I think it is ok to get mad, an 8yr old should be able to keep some things organized and tidy. If you think you handled it poorly, go ahead and apologize and have a talk with her and see what she can do to work with you.

And the natural consequence for losing ones glasses is not being able to see- BUT- I don't see that as the safest option, so I would try and figure out why she is taking them off and just setting them down. For my dd, she did break her glasses because she left them where her little sister could get them and I had to take them to get fixed. This did help her keep better track of them because she realized 1)they can get broken, 2)fixing them isn't easy or cheap, 3) seeing is a good thing. (not that I am hoping this happens to you, but it sure worked in our house)

[Wild Lupine]

We're all that mom sometimes! Not that that makes it feel any better, but at least you're in good company.

I think an 8 year old should be able to keep track of her glasses, too. And given how expensive they are I don't think being angry that she lost them is a natural response, and it's not a bad thing she saw that. Our actions and inattention affect others and part of growing up is learning that.

As far as natural consequences, can she do some work to help pay for a replacement pair? If she loses more pairs can she wear one of those cords on them so they are always hanging around her neck? Which she probably doesn't want to wear, perhaps knowing that that is where she's headed might help her be more careful with the next pair.

[mama2mygirl]

Yes, I've BTDT. Most moms who are being honest have. You recognized it and stopped. That's all you can do. I'm now of the "well, we're just human" camp. At least, I try to b.

[phathui5]

A couple of suggestions:

- Have her post a list on her door for the things you need her to do in the morning (brush teeth, brush hair, get dressed, etc). When you see her in the morning, remind her to make sure the list is done)

- For the glasses, help her pick a spot where they need to go every time she takes them off. Set a monetary fine for if she puts them somewhere else.

[blizzard_babe]

Aww, I was totally That Mom yesterday with my 2 1/2 year-old. It happens. I apologized and we're moving on. It's a lovely fall day here for a do-over.

As for the losing stuff... I have no advice. I'm a stuff-loser. My house is fairly neat right now, but I just put things down without noticing. I can't lose my glasses because I'm severely impaired without them, but keys, wallet, phone... They're never "lost" in the "oops, I left them at the restaurant" sense, but they're always some degree of, "now, hmm, where in this house did I put them?" lost. Retracing my steps doesn't help because my brain doesn't work that way . Drives DH up the wall, and we're both adults.

Will she wear a watch? You could get her a digital (like a Timex Ironman) that you can set to go off every ten minutes so she can train her brain to do a "glasses check." Your 2 y/o would probably enjoy helping with this if they are playing together. If they're not on her face, she only has ten minutes worth of playing to go search through, which is WAY easier for us scatterbrains to mentally sort through.

[madskye]

I am stuff-loser and was when I was a child. Here's what I do now as an adult to compensate:

Keys: We have a tray right next to the door. That is where keys go. Every time we come in. No exceptions. This really works for me.

Glasses: I wear them on a chain around my neck during the day. I call this look "sexy librarian" but it might work for your daughter--I know they make sport ones for sun glasses that are less dressy.

Gloves and mittens: For my dd, I have a drawstring bag on her closet handle, and that's where they go. Again, no exceptions.

I had to train myself to use those places, but eventually it was as simple as "everything has a place and all things in their places" to solve it. It sounds simplistic, but it worked for me.

All that said, I still have times when I can't find things. It is stressful for me and my DH. (I've got keys and glasses pretty well down, but atm card and camera...oh boy, that is my nightmare!) As a 41 year old who loses things, all I can say is keep on her to set up systems that work for her, and train her to be mindful of her things--before you leave the house or an event or school, ask where keys/gloves/glasses are--so that she can solve the problem before the scene changes. I do 'pat myself down' before I leave anywhere to make sure that I am all set.

[lonegirl]

My hubby is a stuff loser. LOL He loses his glasses, his keys, his wallet, his phone....you name it....he sets it down and forgets where he put it....or will remember where he put it (on a pile of papers...then moves the papers somewhere....) He has tried the put it in the same place everytime idea....that works if he remembers to put it there. It is almost a daily event that I have to help find his glasses....unless he has his contacts already on he is too blind to really find them....it frustrates the heck out of me. I have glasses too and if I am not wearing my contacts they are on my face if they aren't on my face they are beside my chair, or on my side of the bed.

[NaturalBirthGoddes]

My 8 year old does the same thing (well, not with glasses). Her room is a disaster area. However, my husband and I did give her our old laptop and we told her, "Your room must be clean, you must be dressed--hair brushed, clothes on, teeth brushed--and all homework done before you can play anything on this computer. It gives her something to work towards. If she doesn't have one of the above things completed before she gets on her computer (and she can only be on it for 1 hour a day), she loses the priviledge of it for the rest of that day and the next day.

I think at 8, they need a "reason" to do something. We tried "paying" our daughter an allowance, but it didn't mean the same thing (so she has money...big deal, LOL). But, giving her something that she does and gets rewarded for, like playing on the computer, is huge for her and so she does it. It's been 2 months, her room is always tidy/clean, she's always ready for the day and her homework is completed immediately after school (her computer time is usually after dinner and before bed). I don't even have to tell her what to do anymore. As it looks like the novelty is wearing off, we'll get a new learning/reading/creative game for her.

Point being, in the "real" world, there would be positive consequences for when things are done, properly. Even my boys (3 and 2) respond well to this. We do not have TV, but do have movies and if they clean up the playroom, they are able to watch a short movie (usually the 1/2 hour sesame street/Diego, etc).

So, maybe try that? And for the glasses, if she has a desk/dresser in her room, maybe have her help you make a cute little basket for her glasses. Everytime she takes them off, they go right into the basket so she'll always know where they are.

[Quinalla]

Having one place where they go is key, my DH finally has a place to put his wallet, keys, etc. and is finally not losing them every other day. I too am the type that can lose anything, so I have long been using the one place for things method for important stuff. However, you will probably have to help her to get in the habit of using her place, but once she does it should be no problem. And if she takes them off out of the house, having a glasses case is probably the best bet there.

[Familyofmovers]

I hear you. I always ask for forgiveness when I spank my child. That way, they know I'm not perfect and I am trying to reconcile. Hope you have a better day!

[confustication]

I did apologize- not for being angry, but for not dealing with my anger appropriately. We have brainstormed how to kelp her keep track of her glasses, and though she does have a spot she is supposed to use, it's not where they always wind up. We are going to put a shelf up in her room just for her glasses and her Nintendo DS- (the only breakable things in there, really.) She will get to decorate it as she wants, and whenever I find them somewhere other than on that shelf or her face, she will have to pay the 'future repair fund' 25 cents.

[madskye]

I think, too, it needs to be more than a place-it's the routine of when they are put there. Glasses are probably the toughest because she probably takes them on and off a million times a day.