How much do babies cry? - Page 2

[kindchen]

Originally Posted by Asiago

My apologies Kindchen. I was just repeating what I'd read, the link is included. I didn't mean to upset anyone. I had found the book really useful in helping me understand my baby's needs.

I probably overreacted.

My kids aren't even little babies anymore (2 & 3) but I was seriously traumatized by all the screaming. I still think about it all the time. Having a baby who screams and cries all the time is a really rough introduction to parenting. And the AP literature sometimes makes it sound like parents who "do it right" don't have crying babies. When, in fact, you can do all the great AP stuff and *still* have a baby who cries a LOT.

[LeaPea]

Originally Posted by kindchen

My kids aren't even little babies anymore (2 & 3) but I was seriously traumatized by all the screaming. I still think about it all the time. Having a baby who screams and cries all the time is a really rough introduction to parenting. And the AP literature sometimes makes it sound like parents who "do it right" don't have crying babies. When, in fact, you can do all the great AP stuff and *still* have a baby who cries a LOT.

My daughter is 4 months old, and cries all the time! She is attached to me 24/7 and is just an unhappy baby . I feel like a total failure most of the time because a lot of the research makes me feel like I am somehow doing something wrong. It breaks my heart! Thanks for saying this though! It makes me feel like I am not alone!

[kindchen]

Originally Posted by LeaPea

My daughter is 4 months old, and cries all the time! She is attached to me 24/7 and is just an unhappy baby . I feel like a total failure most of the time because a lot of the research makes me feel like I am somehow doing something wrong. It breaks my heart! Thanks for saying this though! It makes me feel like I am not alone!

Oh, mama, I know how incredibly hard that is. I just want to make sure you know that *it gets better*. I talk to people who had easy babies and they think dealing with a two- or three-year-old is hard.I just find every stage easier than the one before, because nothing compares to having someone scream at you all.the.time. (I know babies aren't really "screaming AT me" but it felt like they were.)

The constant carrying is really physically exhausting too. Now my kids are quite independent and insist on climbing into the car and their seats on their own, never want to be carried, etc.

Mine both have intense personalities, so parenting them isn't a walk in the park, but they aren't just intense when it comes to what they need, they are also intense about being happy, excited, loving, and other wonderful things. They were both very crabby babies.

Also, if your baby is 4 months old, I think it is highly likely things will start gradually improving very soon. People told me three months, and in desperation I hoped for an immediate, total turnaround. That didn't happen, but around four months I noticed that things were getting a bit less intense, and things just got better from there. Best of luck! You can do this! And you have been through so much already that other aspects of parenting will likely seem much easier to you than to someone who hasn't experienced such a hard start.

[happysmileylady]

I also had one that SCREAMED despite anything we did. We walked, bounced, rocked, wore, rotated every piece of baby furniture we had, nothing helped. For a short time, driving did help, but then she began to hate the car seat. We ruled out reflux and food issues. It lasted for about six months and the whole thing was a contributing factor in my PPD. She was an IVF baby, we tried for six years and to have her cry and scream so much was just awful. I just cried with her often, thinking how that was just not how it was supposed to be.

Now, she's 2 and I won't say dealing with her at 2 is "easier," but in the sense that it's not so emotionally draining, it is. She is SO into EVERYTHING.

[Asiago]

Originally Posted by kindchen

I probably overreacted.

My kids aren't even little babies anymore (2 & 3) but I was seriously traumatized by all the screaming. I still think about it all the time. Having a baby who screams and cries all the time is a really rough introduction to parenting. And the AP literature sometimes makes it sound like parents who "do it right" don't have crying babies. When, in fact, you can do all the great AP stuff and *still* have a baby who cries a LOT.

No worries, I understand. The crying is absolutely heartbreaking to listen to. It goes through a mother's whole body (as nature designed it to). During waking hours my son needed to be in constant motion. My nourishment consisted of foods I could quickly grab off of the kitchen counter as I walked briskly through the house while holding him. I think I lived on dried fruit and nuts for a while so that I wouldn't have to stop and stand still
By the way I shouldn't have just blurted out the contents of the book, I am sure the author worked hard to write it thoughtfully (sorry OP)

[LadyCatherine185]

Originally Posted by LeaPea

My daughter is 4 months old, and cries all the time! She is attached to me 24/7 and is just an unhappy baby . I feel like a total failure most of the time because a lot of the research makes me feel like I am somehow doing something wrong. It breaks my heart! Thanks for saying this though! It makes me feel like I am not alone!

My DS was like this too, though he didn't SCREAM a lot, but he was very fussy all the time... I take it back the first 4 months or so there was a lot of screaming due to reflux. Once he reached 9 monhts old and then started walking (at 9.5 months) he was HAPPY! And he is a pretty easygoing toddler. So even though you can't see the "light" now, it DOES get better eventually!

OP, I would definitely look into reflux and food allergy issues.

[rightkindofme]

Some babies cry a lot. It's hard. My older daughter could not handle being off of me for over six months. I couldn't shower or get dressed without screaming fits like she was being dismembered. One of our neighbors recently told me that she was impressed by how 'tough we were' in letting her cry it out. No... that was my husband walking her while I tried to do very basic self care. I didn't do any house work or cooking for six months because she would freak out if I did anything other than sit in a chair with her on the Boppy nursing.

At the time I thought that was standard and just what babies did so I didn't feel like a terrible mother (thankfully) but my second child is so much easier it's like a whole different planet. If I had any expectations that babies were 'supposed' to be like my second child I would have lost my mind with my first daughter. It does get better!

[ann_of_loxley]

I havn't read through the whole thread - but if your baby seems to cry a lot and you can't quite figure it out.... (or even if you can!) - I would highly recommend a cranial osteopath!

[sssheri]

The responses to this thread have been so interesting and helpful. I really feel a lot better knowing that I am not the only one! LO is 3 weeks now and I think I am figuring out her crying. I can always get her to calm down by nursing, wearing, or shushing and bouncing her, so I know it is not a medical issue. She doesn't seem to have gas. I am pretty sure she cries when she is tired. Now I have been trying to put her to sleep and her crying has decreased a whole lot. Hopefully we will keep on this path!

[ShanaV]

It took me a few months to figure out that my babies cried when they were tired too! I devised a method using many of the 5 S's to get 'em to sleep: swaddle + paci + rock/walk + shhh-ing and it has made a big difference. I get DH to help out with this too by saying "I need you to do the Daddy Dance with this baby." It was quite a realization, like, "Oh! You've been crying all this time because you're TIRED, not just hungry!" *light bulb*

[coffeegirl]

Originally Posted by sssheri

I have a 2 week year old. She isn't colicky, but if she isn't sleeping or eating she is crying. She only stops if we aggressively bounce her. She'll usually stop crying in the baby carrier or the Moby, but that is because she falls asleep. I'm just wondering if this is normal.

How much does/did your baby cry at 2 weeks. Other than the happiest baby on the block stuff, any tips? I am thinking about trying a chiropractor. I feel like she is crying because of gas or because she is uncomfortable. She hates being on her back or in any position besides upright or on her tummy.

Ohh I REALLY woulnd't spend the money for a chiro if I were you. If your baby has gas and feels good onm her tummy, just carry her around in a football hold (my DD's fave when she has a gassy tummy) and then let her sleep at least semi-on her tummy. Just keep an eye on her.

[plenilunio]

btdt

Originally Posted by kindchen

However, some babies cry a LOT, with no apparent reason. My DD1 did that, and it was the hardest experience I have had in life so far. There was nothing I could do about it. I nursed, held, slung, co-slept, bounced on the yoga ball until my lower back screamed along with my baby. The idea that she was crying "out of abandonment or hunger" would have sent me completely over the edge. It is nice that there is a study saying that babies who are not separated from their mothers cry less. My first DD was glued to me for the first year of her life, and I don't see how she could have really cried any MORE than she did, especially in the first three months. I had no "response time" because my baby was in my arms screaming--ALL THE TIME, except when she was nursing or sleeping--also in my arms. With my second baby, I did the same AP things, and she didn't cry quite as much. In fact, I actually had to put her down from time to time to do things for my DD1.
OP, I actually think it is very very common for babies to cry a lot in the first month or so. Some babies cry very little. They are just different, just like adults are so very different. All you can do is cuddle and love on your baby, and she will be fine. Even my dd who screamed for months is a delightful (and still LOUD) three-year-old who just has a wonderfully exuberant personality.

Despite nursing on demand, co-sleeping, swaddling, swinging, etc.. DS also cried ALL THE TIME as a baby. He HATED being in a stroller, would never stay in a swing or infant set, and car trips were a nightmare. I was a single mom with no help because nobody was ever brave enough to babysit my shrieking baby, not even my own mother. And I heard just about ever annoying comment out there, especially the "your milk is not satisfying him" bit.. Truth is, I never really knew the answer to why he cried so much. It was a true test of patience but, hey ... we survived! He is now the most adorable, mild-mannered preschooler ever.. Hang in there mami!

[Ethelpea]

Originally Posted by Friday13th

I spent the first several months of DS1's life miserable because I was doing everything Dr. Sears told me to do and the baby still screamed for several hours every night. Babies cry, the world is big and new and overwhelming, hold them, nurse them, and know that they may cry anyway and you're not doing anything wrong.

Exactly this. DS1 cried for 6 months straight, got only slightly better from 6-12 months and then thankfully calmed at a year. It was awful. I still hold a grudge against Dr. Sears because I was doing everything right...and still had a miserable baby. I felt like the world's biggest failure. Oh well.

Turns out all my newborns are fussy (not as fussy as my firstborn, thankfully). I suppose I just make them that way.