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post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 
Thank you to those who replied. Your responses were truly very helpful!
post #2 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Contrariety View Post
If you need more deets, I'll post them. I've been struggling with this all day.
I'd ask for more deets, but since the encounter only lasted 15 minutes, I guess there's not a lot more you can tell us.

I'm not sure what to do. It sounds like she's getting sex in exchange for waiving his fees? Or maybe it's just coincidental. But the fact that she keeps waiving his fees beyond what management approves, well, I guess I'd just focus on that and not worry about the sexual part of it. Could you talk to her first and tell her you can't overlook it anymore? Or would that feel too confrontational.
post #3 of 23
Thread Starter 
I have all sorts of questions about the brevity of the encounter! I think that because it was so fast, this was not the first time. Also, we work for rent, and she does not have another job. We get a tiny bit of a check once a month and that is it. For food, she relies on welfare from the state and her church... yet she has money to buy new clothes and toys for her DS. Is prostituting herself out?

The "strictly business" nature of it makes me want to throw up. This is a woman who supposedly has LDS (mormon) values... that means NO sex outside of marriage. Her son was home. I do not think this is a relationship.

i'm so grossed out by the casual nature... and also, he is just gross. so yuck.
post #4 of 23
Are you fairly close for coworkers? Could you say, "what the heck are you thinking, hooking up with him?" You know, like you could say to a sister.

Ohhhhh, maybe *she* is being paid for sex, I was thinking she was agreeing to waive his fee for sex. It seems like if he could pay her, he could pay his fees. I'd still just stick with that part of it and if you are going to report it, somehow, report that or ask for a clarification on policy or something. I don't know how the business works.
post #5 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Viola View Post
Ohhhhh, maybe *she* is being paid for sex
I worry about this possibility. So nasty. So probable.

We are good enough friends that I could probably say something along the lines of "WTH? Your child was sleeping in the next room. That's sleezy. That's against your standards, you swear a lot about your ex doing the same type of stuff. And really? that guy? eeew!" To which she would be massively embarrassed, know that I was right and probably get really defensive, and maybe beg me not to tell my boss... which would be great and wonderful, but I don't want any of this to come out in the open and me look bad to my boss like i knew this kind of crap was going down and didn't say anything.

I like where I live. It's not glamorous, but I am fortunate to have this job. I get to stay at home with my kids, DH demoted himself at work to go back to school. I need this job for survival, period, and I cannot risk it in any way, whatsoever.

She, on the other hand, doesn't seem to feel this way. This seems to be a culmination point in an increasing lack of good judgment on her part.
post #6 of 23
SOme of your concerns are legitimate, but from your second post, some are not.

Legit concerns:
- You are concerned that she may be waiving fees without approval. It's very odd that she called you to tell you about those.
- You are concerned that she has (possibly accidentally) given a tenant access to the business office.

Not legit concerns:
- That she isn't living up to LDS values.
- That she's hooking (unlikely, under the circumstances anyway)
- That this relationship is "strictly business" (you don't know what all may be between them).

I would tackle the concerns about waiving fees by being a very good employee. Give a call or send an email up the line asking what the deal is with this tenant, and what approach the property owners want to take with him. He's chronically behind on his rent, and you know that various fees have been waived for him. Could they please review the account? You have issues with this guy every month, you just want to make sure that they're aware, and you'd like some guidance. It would be helpful to you to know what tack you should take in dealing with him - Are they willing to continue waiving whatever they have waived in the past? Is there some special factor or unique agreement with this tenant that you should be aware of? Are they contemplating non-renewal of his lease, or eviction? And, BTW, you'd like a lock put on the office. You're concerned that tenants may have access to the space.
post #7 of 23
Maybe you can let her know (letting her think management let you know, or something) that those fee-waivers were NOT approved, so that if she keeps doing it, you'll both get in trouble and possibly lose your jobs. Just something to let her know there are consequences involved... without having to get into her gross choice in men. Which yeah, is especially unseemly if she has a little boy in the next room. Ugh!
post #8 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeepyCat View Post

Legit concerns:
- You are concerned that she may be waiving fees without approval. It's very odd that she called you to tell you about those.
- You are concerned that she has (possibly accidentally) given a tenant access to the business office.

Not legit concerns:
- That she isn't living up to LDS values.
- That she's hooking (unlikely, under the circumstances anyway)
- That this relationship is "strictly business" (you don't know what all may be between them).
Fair enough. FWIW, I'm not LDS. But based on many, many convos with her over the years, she very much is. Taking this random dude into her bed with her kid in the next room is some pretty a-typical, self-destructive behavior on her part. She's lonely, that's where this is coming from. I know that the LDS values are important to her, that's why I mention it. I didn't mean to be snarky.
post #9 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissLotus View Post
Maybe you can let her know (letting her think management let you know, or something) that those fee-waivers were NOT approved, so that if she keeps doing it, you'll both get in trouble and possibly lose your jobs. Just something to let her know there are consequences involved...
Bad idea. It's a great setup for the OP to be blackmailed by her co-worker. If co-worker knows that OP knows and isn't saying anything, then she can threaten that, if she gets fired, she's taking the OP with her.

If the co-worker is taking kickbacks from a tenant, she is not to be trusted on much of anything. If OP thinks she knows something, she should take the concern to management. Anything else means that she could be fired for cause.
post #10 of 23
I'd go to the manager and say, "Did you approve waiving of fees for X customer? Because Y co-worker told me you did."

Who knows, maybe the upper boss did take pity on the guy and did waive the fees. I think you need to make sure, though.
post #11 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A View Post
I'd go to the manager and say, "Did you approve waiving of fees for X customer? Because Y co-worker told me you did."

Who knows, maybe the upper boss did take pity on the guy and did waive the fees. I think you need to make sure, though.
I should see him tomorrow and I think I will ask him then, assuming she is not hanging out in the office... as that happens sometimes when he is here.

So... if he says he did approve waiving the fees, do I mention that he had access to the office? I don't think he went in there, but I know she didn't walk him down the stairs from her apt to let him out the door when he left?

It all seems so surreal, and if I hadn't heard and seen it with my own eyes I might choose not to believe it's true. She seems so sad and "stuck" in her life right now, that I can't help but wonder if it's some sort of "cry for help" kind of behavior or something.
post #12 of 23
Are you not allowed to have guests in your apartment? Is she somehow breaking the rules having him there?

If not, I don't really see how her relationship (with a client or not) is any of your business. You don't even know that she's done anything wrong in regard to his fees. Are you her boss? Why isn't upper management paying attention to her work if they are supposed to be approving things?

I just really don't see why you're so concerned about your neighbor's sex life OR her work performance. And if she's your friend, like you say, you probably should just ask her what's going on rather than getting her in trouble or fired from her job.
post #13 of 23
I would mention to conflict of interest to the upper level guys if you think it's affecting how she does her job.

I would also keep my nose out of her sex life, regardless of her supposed religious beliefs. I would also try to avoid jumping to conclusions about whether or not she is a prostitute.
post #14 of 23
I don't think her sex life is any of your business, at all. I also don't think it's unheard of for people to do work "favors" for people they're seeing romantically or even just having sex with. It seems like a serious stretch to call it prostitution.

And that's assuming she's even doing that. Maybe she's been totally honest with you and the fee waivers are legitimate. How can you be sure?

I can understand being grossed out by the sex sounds but that's apartment life for you. And I can understand not digging her choice of partners, but she doesn't need your approval, right?

Hopefully you can find a way to accept this situation for what it is or at least withhold your judgment until you know for sure what's going on. MeepyCat has some great suggestions.
post #15 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeepyCat View Post
SOme of your concerns are legitimate, but from your second post, some are not.

Legit concerns:
- You are concerned that she may be waiving fees without approval. It's very odd that she called you to tell you about those.
- You are concerned that she has (possibly accidentally) given a tenant access to the business office.

Not legit concerns:
- That she isn't living up to LDS values.
- That she's hooking (unlikely, under the circumstances anyway)
- That this relationship is "strictly business" (you don't know what all may be between them).

I would tackle the concerns about waiving fees by being a very good employee. Give a call or send an email up the line asking what the deal is with this tenant, and what approach the property owners want to take with him. He's chronically behind on his rent, and you know that various fees have been waived for him. Could they please review the account? You have issues with this guy every month, you just want to make sure that they're aware, and you'd like some guidance. It would be helpful to you to know what tack you should take in dealing with him - Are they willing to continue waiving whatever they have waived in the past? Is there some special factor or unique agreement with this tenant that you should be aware of? Are they contemplating non-renewal of his lease, or eviction? And, BTW, you'd like a lock put on the office. You're concerned that tenants may have access to the space.
Totally agreed. Deal with management about the fees; don't bring the sex into it.
post #16 of 23
Thread Starter 
I think for now I have settled on asking my boss tomorrow if he approved the waivers, and explain that I only ask because I noticed that she had him over on a personal call and that I want to make sure everything squares on the work end of things. Bottom line, I can't know there might be something amiss at work and not say anything about it. I have my own tail to look out for. We are co-managers. We are somewhat self-policing. I'm not exactly overstepping any bounds here.

I am very grossed out by the sexy noises, absolutely. I accept that aspect of apartment living. The neighbor part of me really hates the ick factor, but whatever floats your boat, really. She was always a loud moaner before she kicked her DH out. I'm used to that.

We aren't best friends, but we've been neighbors and co workers for two and half years. We home-preschool our kids together. We are very familiar and look out for each other. THAT part of me is very alarmed by this behavior which is very uncharacteristic. She is a single mom. She does not leave her apartment, like, ever. She is home alone with her DS who, like I mentioned is VERY spirited and she is clearly overwhelmed on a daily basis lately. Suddenly she starts letting skeezy dudes in her apt, behavior she openly despises in her ex... and yeah. I'm going to worry about her! That doesn't make me a judgmental prude. It makes me a concerned friend.

If we were JUST neighbors... I'd be annoyed and get some ear plugs.
If we were JUST co-workers, I'd bring it up to my boss and let him deal with it.
If we were JUST friends, I'd say "Hon, this isn't you, Can we talk?"

Unfortunately, it's a bizzare combination of the three relationships that puts a wrinkle in the whole thing and makes it messy.

Blech.
post #17 of 23
I agree with MeepyCat too, word for word.

I wouldn't mention the bit about 'knowing she had him over on a personal call.' I would just ask about the waivers.
post #18 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by thismama View Post
I agree with MeepyCat too, word for word.

I wouldn't mention the bit about 'knowing she had him over on a personal call.' I would just ask about the waivers.
Mostly I'm just anticipating my boss asking me why I bring it up. He knows that my asking means there's something up. I'll play it by ear, I think. I'm not sure what I'll say, but if he asks me, I'm not going to dance around the fact that the relationship is more than her being friendly to a customer. Let's not forget that there is a developing pattern of her cutting corners and not pulling her own weight around here leaving the other manager and me picking up the pieces.

Thank you, everyone for your feed back. I knew I could get some level-headed responses here. I knew I needed some re-thinking of what I was going to do, to not act on emotional response.
post #19 of 23
Um.... "I noticed this customer was getting a lot of waivers; are you aware of this?"

I don't think your friend/neighbor/co-worker needs to even be brought into the conversation. I think that bringing the business matter to the boss' attention completely fulfills your duty as an employee, and it's up to them to decide what to do. I'm assuming that the client's file will show which employee has given the waivers, no?

You seem to have a really big problem with your friend dating/sleeping with/whatever someone who is below your standards ("skeezy"). Maybe she's just trying to make some human contact, since like you said, she is cooped up at home all day.
post #20 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by changingseasons View Post
You seem to have a really big problem with your friend dating/sleeping with/whatever someone who is below your standards ("skeezy"). Maybe she's just trying to make some human contact, since like you said, she is cooped up at home all day.
Uh... yup. Sure do. Mostly because I am constantly trying to help her get out of the house where she can make some human contact... and not just have to take what comes her way. I know it's scary for her. She worries about sending DS to headstart (which he would sooooo benefit from) and just unloading her "problem" kid on someone else. I try to tell her she needs to get it together and get out there, and that it's okay to break away from your kid and admit that you need some time to yourself. Get a part time job so you have a little time that you can count on to get out of the house.

Like I said, this seems like some really self-loathing, self-destructive behavior on her part, and I don't want to see her hurt anymore... but I also don't want to be covering her tracks on the work side, either.
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