When to stop offering...?

[Julybug]

My son is approaching 15mo old. He's on the smaller side (under 21lbs and 30.5" at 14mo), but is very active and social. He's just really starting to ramp up his solids intake, although he still doesn't bother to drink much liquids that aren't breastmilk. Especially since he's not huge, I've continued to pretty consistently offer solids if he nurses around mealtime, or offer to nurse if it's time for a solids meal and he hasn't nursed in a while. I try to give him solids within no more than 30 mins of a nursing session. Obviously, if I offer "nursies" and he's not interested, he's not interested. At this point, I'll just give him the solids meal anyway even if he doesn't nurse or not much. He nurses anywhere between 5-9x/24hrs.

So what I'm wondering is... at what point "should" I not be offering to nurse him, and just letting him ask? Is it truly just whenever I feel it makes sense? Can anyone share their stories on how they transitioned from offering every few hours to just nursing when the little one asks for it?

I feel so mixed about approaching this transition. I have PCOS, and we had to do IVF to have S. I was widowed in my 20s, remarried in my early 30s, and then it took a couple of years until S. was born. We definitely want to have a second, but as I said I'm not 22 anymore (and DH is a few years older than I am), and I have fertility challenges. I don't have my period back yet. While weaning - either night weaning or full weaning - would probably help my odds of conceiving again, I feel strongly about trying to let him wean when he feels ready. We also have a lot of allergies and other issues on both sides of the family, and I've loved being able to easily get back to a healthy weight so easily. So, I feel nursing as long as we can make it work is great on a lot of levels.

Most importantly on the fertility-related part of it... I don't want to take something (nursing) away from the child I have - which can't be gotten back again - for the hope of a child I may or may not be able to have. We also overcame (and continue to overcome) various nursing challenges, so being able to have nursed for nearly 15 months is a badge of persistence and tenacity, as far as I'm concerned. So I guess maybe I'm a little more invested in making sure S. and I get a full nursing experience than I might otherwise be, especially since he may wind up being our only child.

Can anyone share how they made the transition from nursing frequently with offering, to only nursing when the child asks? And how that felt emotionally, especially if you struggled to keep nursing, had fertility help, and/or may only have one child?

Thanks in advance.

[curiouscanadian]

Didn't want to read and not respond...

I had a similar situation as you, in that I was impatient for fertility to return but didn't want to short-change the child I already have for the sake of an unconceived child. (AF returned at 18mo PP, and I just realized in the last month that I have to consider my child weaned at 24mo.)

I would say keep offering unless you want to slowly start weaning. Not that your supply is liketly to crash if you stop offering but don't-offer-don't-refuse is a commonly mentioned technique for weaning. One thing you could probably do is to stop offering at those times you feel it's strictly because you're offering or it's one of your shorter sessions (I used to think of them as the "touch-base" nursing sessions) although as most nursing mothers are aware, there is psychological value to those sessions too.

Our story:

DS started at childcare part-time around 8mo, easing up to full time at a year. Around 9mo I started having supply issues and ended up on Domperidone to keep my supply up (in retrospect due to me pushing solids too early, to the detriment of my supply ).

Anyway, because DS was in childcare, it was an easy transition to not nursing during the day. He couldn't nurse M-F, so he seemed just to forget about it on Sat and Sunday as well. I'd offer if I thought of it and it was convenient but if we were out and I didn't offer it wasn't a big deal. I pumped at work until he was 16mo, then quit since my supply was so low that I didn't feel it was worth the effort anymore. I also quit the Domperidone near the same time as he was doing so well with solids and I felt ready to truly begin weaning.

We still nursed in the evening and the weekends the whole time and for a couple of months after that but I found that after AF returned it was very uncomfortable to nurse during certain times of the month. So I gradually started limiting it more and more. On the really bad days I'd tell him he could nurse for a bit and then count down from 10 to "all done" when it got to be too much for me. Otherwise I mostly followed the don't-offer-don't-refuse technique and/or other distractions and all of a sudden I have a toddler who is no longer nursing! (Of course there were a few bumps along the way, but nothing major, in retrospect)

In some ways I'm sad not to be nursing anymore (definitely sad that I don't remember when the last time was, but also glad that it was obviously gradual enough so as not to be traumatic), but in other ways I was ready for it. I had hoped to already have #2 on the way, but now that I'm not nursing I so feel much more mentally prepared to be pregnant again.

[ssh]

Are you aware that 'not offering' is a weaning technique? I only stopped offering milk during the day after my DD stopped most of her nursing during the day, a few months after turning 3. I still offered during her usual nursing times until she weaned herself a couple of months before turning 4. I did get my periods back when she was 14 months old. I'm also an older mom. I was 46 when my youngest DD was born.

[Julybug]

Thank you for your responses! I do know about the "don't-offer-don't-refuse" technique. I just wasn't sure if maybe - for my own reasons - I was being a little too insistent on offering for him to nurse. Most of the time he does want to, even if it's just a short or medium-length session. Unfortunately, we've had A LOT of issues with his clamping down on me (earlier on) and scraping me with his teeth (the last several months). So we're in another phase now where I'm pretty sore. I'm also prone to plugged ducts, so if he doesn't nurse for more than 5-6hrs (which doesn't happen too often, day or night), I pump. I had to EP for a couple of days around his birthday but didn't do it often enough and wound up with badly plugged ducts, so I really do have to be careful. So I guess I'll be dealing with the pump for a while longer. Of all the crazy things he chose today to not want to nurse as much AND sleep longer - so I'm really full!

Thanks for the vote of confidence that it's okay for me to continue offering to him for at least a while longer! I used to think I would be happy if we made it to 12mo, and then I was thinking my son wouldn't want to nurse as much (he's very active). But most days, he definitely does want to nurse several times during the day and a couple of times at night, plus he's eating more and more solids. So I guess we'll just keep more or less doing what we're doing, until it seems to make sense to change.

CuriousCanadian - Good luck with TTC. Maybe you'll have luck now that your LO is fully weaned (and I'm sure I'll be sad too when that finally does happen for us...). I may also put DS in part-time daycare this Jan. (at 18mo) so I can take classes and get some part-time work. So that will also be something I need to deal with. I'm sure I'll have to pump 1-2x/day if he's in for a full day, if we keep up a smilar schedule of nursing every 2-4hrs during the day as he usually does.

Anyway, thanks again!