Please tell me 5.5 is just a hard age!!?

[Sierra]

My son is 5.5. Ever since school began this year (same school/same class/one of the same teachers, one new teacher this year) he has been highly emotional, explosive, and whiny. He has been trying out or increasing frequency of behaviors such as threatening (telling me multiple times today that if I didn't do what he wanted he was going to kick and bite me), violence (he did end up biting me today), teasing (his sister, etc.), and lying.

I don't know if it is the adjustment back to school, the change from a schedule in which he napped if really tired to one in which we make sure he stays up so he gets to bed earlier in order to get up earlier, some issues with the new teacher (she is nice enough, but some stuff she has done has been pretty inconsistent with the old teacher), or what. We are also preparing to move a year from now, and I know that he is really dreading that. He has always been really sensitive to change, which is why we told him now about moving...hoping to give him time to adjust to the idea.

I guess it could be a stage too.

In anycase, I am going to try to work on giving him more things he can control: more age-appropriate choices. I am hoping this will help him if this is a reaction from feeling powerless at the start of school and looking ahead to our move. It is hard, though, because the more control he has, the more manipulative he gets. Maybe I should seek some counseling for him too. I mean, when I say he is explosive...I mean *really* explosive. And he doesn't seem happy very often recently, even when he is doing stuff he wants to be doing.

He has a biological legacy of mental illness starting at a very young age (including a biological brother five or six years older than him who has been in and out of institutional care due to issues with violence), and I am praying this is not the start of that.

[momto4plus4]

My son is 5.5 and we've had some issues but not as xtreme as what you're describing. We've had a lot of major stress in our house for a while so I did start him with a psychologist doing play therapy and it's going very well.

I homeschool so I can't speak about the school transition. What made me reply to your post is that you're moving. We're getting foreclosed on and the moving is what seemed to send ds over the edge emotionally. He's seems really fearful, etc. He's claimed an area that is just for his special toys so they don't get left behind (we're probably not moving until June). He's made numerous comments and at the beginning he would ask daily, even multiple times a day, when we'd move. I finally got a calendar to pshysically show him how long. At this point I don't need to star the date and mark off the days but I figure I may need to do that at some point since he doesn't yet grasp that length of time.

I hope you figure out what's going on. It always hard to see your lo struggling emotionally and it's even harder when it's harming you or those around you.

[Kreeblim]

I just wanted to remind you to be very very careful of the amount of sleep he's getting. My 6 year old sometimes has some of the behaviors you mentioned, and it is ALWAYS when he has had to wake up early for some reason (to the point where I can predict that this will happen in advance). We homeschool so for us this isn't very often, and I know school itself can lead to behavior issues, but sometimes it is probably made worse if not totally caused by the kid not getting enough sleep after a summer of being able to sleep in.

I hope things get better for you As someone from a family with a long history of mental illness, I can't stress enough how much sleep deprivation makes everything worse.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

DD is 5.75 and she just started kindergarten. She is extremely emotional since then. I don't think its her age; I think its that she started kindergarten. I'd be more surprised if there wasn't an adjustment period. Its like she holds it together really well during school, then comes home and releases all that pent up tension. She cries easily, over very small things. I've been trying to spend more one-on-one time on the floor with her playing, and also giving her lots of comfort when she is upset. It does seem to be getting better. Oh, and I've also started volunteering in her classroom a few days a week. She is very happy to know that I am just around even if in the classroom I can't interact with her directly so much.

[One_Girl]

My dd has issues every when the school year starts and they last for about a month. She tests boundaries and experiments with negative behavior during that time but quickly comes back around to her normal self after she adjusts to her new teacher and summer being over.

[Sierra]

Thanks for your responses, everyone! I appreciate all of them!

Originally Posted by momto4plus4

so I did start him with a psychologist doing play therapy and it's going very well.

We're big believers in therapy, so I think I might have him do some play therapy as well, if nothing else to help him as we prepare to move.

I homeschool so I can't speak about the school transition. What made me reply to your post is that you're moving. We're getting foreclosed on and the moving is what seemed to send ds over the edge emotionally. He's seems really fearful, etc. He's claimed an area that is just for his special toys so they don't get left behind (we're probably not moving until June). He's made numerous comments and at the beginning he would ask daily, even multiple times a day, when we'd move. I finally got a calendar to pshysically show him how long. At this point I don't need to star the date and mark off the days but I figure I may need to do that at some point since he doesn't yet grasp that length of time.

Thank you. That's really helpful.

I hope you figure out what's going on. It always hard to see your lo struggling emotionally and it's even harder when it's harming you or those around you.

Thanks for the empathy.

Originally Posted by Kreeblim

I just wanted to remind you to be very very careful of the amount of sleep he's getting. My 6 year old sometimes has some of the behaviors you mentioned, and it is ALWAYS when he has had to wake up early for some reason (to the point where I can predict that this will happen in advance). We homeschool so for us this isn't very often, and I know school itself can lead to behavior issues, but sometimes it is probably made worse if not totally caused by the kid not getting enough sleep after a summer of being able to sleep in.

I think in total he is getting the same number of night hours sleeping. He is going to bed slightly earlier, and getting up only slightly earlier...if not at his usual time.

The big change in terms of sleep is that he isn't able to nap during the afternoon if he gets tired because then he stays up to late at night. He didn't nap everyday over the summer, but he did nap sometimes.

In general, he really likes his school. He actually chose to go.

I hope things get better for you As someone from a family with a long history of mental illness, I can't stress enough how much sleep deprivation makes everything worse.

Thanks. That's good to know.

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie

DD is 5.75 and she just started kindergarten. She is extremely emotional since then. I don't think its her age; I think its that she started kindergarten. I'd be more surprised if there wasn't an adjustment period. Its like she holds it together really well during school, then comes home and releases all that pent up tension. She cries easily, over very small things. I've been trying to spend more one-on-one time on the floor with her playing, and also giving her lots of comfort when she is upset. It does seem to be getting better. Oh, and I've also started volunteering in her classroom a few days a week. She is very happy to know that I am just around even if in the classroom I can't interact with her directly so much.

Thanks. I am not sure for ds it is an adjustment to school in general, as he went last year too. He only does a half day from 9-11:30, so a total of 2.5 hours. It isn't a long time. But it is true that as far as I know, he has done really well in school...so he does seem to be releasing some tensions at home.

Originally Posted by One_Girl

My dd has issues every when the school year starts and they last for about a month. She tests boundaries and experiments with negative behavior during that time but quickly comes back around to her normal self after she adjusts to her new teacher and summer being over.

That's really good to know. I am relieved to hear that this can be a normal cycle in the fall, and I am eager for things to get back to normal with ds. I miss how much fun he used to be! Today was nice, though. There was no school and I stayed home from work and just hung out with the kids in our PJs all day. We were so much more relaxed...all of us...and I felt like ds did 75% better, so that gives me hope that he's just readjusting after time off from school over the summer.

[meemee]

you know i dont know why there is nothing written about this topic. might be time perhaps for 'me' to do it. i dont know how many times i have written teh same thing over and over and over again.

hormonal changes.

pre-prepuberty. the true starting of puberty.

that is of course if its not the mental illness.

the only experience i have had is from friends IRL and the children who remember this stage.

my dd went thru this at around that age. sometime during 5. she was an uber expressive child. sometimes i found it deeply funny because it was soooooo unlike her. her violence towards me was back. in triple fold with much vengence.

i could 'see' her struggle. life was suddenly sooooooo unfair. the realisation that life did not revolve around her. she was like totally PMSing. mom why arent you listening to me. why dont you understand me. ooooh i am so mad i wish i could punch you black and blue. at other peaceful times she would tell me 'ma i dont know what has come over me. its like another person inside me is making me do things which the other part doesnt want me to do.

it truly is amazing.

of course adjusting to school just threw a whole another spanner into the works. the other teenage kids who remembered this stage told me it was worse than teenage time. it was an extremely painful and scary time for them because they couldnt really understand waht was happening to them.

after my dd came out of that stage - alas her 'babyhood' innocence was gone. it was her last 'hurrah' before further maturity. she changed in a huge manner which was obvious v. subtely. she suddenly had a more balanced outlook at life. my previous no's which would lead to tantrum was taken with 'ok, then can i do this other thing?' it was an amazing change and yet of course extremely sad for me as i saw this new child emerge.

another stage of that happened at 8 (heads up for you). she again got explosive. 7 - 8 is hte year of developing consciousness and boy did my child hurt after i allowed her to push me in her anger on her school yard. she was upset and sad about that for a whole week. my poor baby.

she started body odor at 6 1/2 and breast buds at 8 which is early normal (i started full on puberty at 10 1/2).

[rhianna813]

Was reading a book about raising boys and it said that around age 4 they get a surge in testosterone which can increase aggressive, active, “hyper” behavior. Then the testosterone settles back down around age 5. I am sure the ages are general, as each person. Maybe his level is changing and adding to the mix.

Rhianna

[mama_y_sol]

5.5 to 6 was the HARDEST AGE YET for my dd. It was explosive. It was very, very difficult for us. I was so worried that it wasn't an age thing, that it wasn't "just a stage"....I seriously thought there might be spd or major anxiety issues. I didn't recognize her. Her behavior was mind blowing, we struggled to get though each and every day. For about 6 months.

Once she turned 6, it was like a switch flipped. She was back to her usual sweet, caring, compassionate, loving, sensitive, tender self. She has a much better control of her anger, of her frustration, of her emotions. She is now almost 6.5 and I feel confident that it was just a really hard age for her. She never had any problems at 2, or at 3, but 5.5-6 was really hard for her.

[bluets]

i'm not a big flower essence user (more of a skeptic, really) but i used a recent situation to give them a try. my son was starting to get a bit mouthy so i gave him a dose of 3 essences targeting his throat chakra to address the notion of communication. i'm not sure if it was our long talk with him about mindful communication at home and at school (from us to him and him to us), the talks they had in the classroom, the flower essences, or a combination of all of them - he is already back to his old sweet self.

if you're receptive to flower essences, you might consider something to target transitions, fear, anxiety, or any other emotion that your child might be feeling.

you could supplement in the evening with Kid Calm, a magnesium supplement. if he is demonstrating anxiety, he could be deficient in magnesium. chamomile tea or catnip tea would also have a soothing effect (we use MountainRose Herbs FairyTale blend).