So mad I could slap him!!

[Happeesupermom]

OK-- so, DS (3 mo.) cosleeps with DH & me. I LOVE that! I WANT DS close to me and I want to be near him when he needs me.

The problem is my DH. Sometimes he is so clueless! Tonight, I was up working on my laptop before bed. DH laid down for bed. DS was between us. DH turned over & fluffed his pillow & went back to sleep. I look over & his pillow is covering half of DS's head! The back part, but still!!! I reached over & moved DH & his pillow. I was livid! I said, "You've got to be more careful! You put your pillow on DS's head!" He responded, "OK" and was about to go back to sleep. I said, "Do you realize what I just said?" He repeated it all to me, so it seems like he was awake enough. And he just turned over & went back to sleep.

WHY doesn't this bother him?! Now I'm up-- can't fall asleep b/c my adrenaline is pumped so high!! He could have smothered DS!!! If I hadn't noticed... or if DS had his head turned the other way... UGH!!!!

To top things off-- I've been dealing with intruding thoughts & some of them dealing with DH carelessly hurting DS. Just when I thought I was getting a handle on these ugly thoughts... THIS!!

Oh, I am so stressed! And livid!! I think DH should have jumped up and felt frightened for what he "almost" did!

Am I wrong to feel this way? Why is it affecting me so much and DH hardly blinked at it? Do we have to stop cosleeping?? Please-- any advice, BTDT, or support would be greatly appreciated. I'm sorry for making this so long... I'm just rambly & jumpy right now.

[CrazyCatLady]

To me it seemed like your dh acted like a guy. You wanting him to jump up and be horrified at himself for what he "almost" could have done just isn't very realistic imo.

If it makes you feel better, 3m olds can be hardier than you'd think. We've had all kinds of interesting things happen to the babies in the middle of the night and they handle it just fine. Including having heavy blankets thrown over their faces, and they were able to scoot and fuss enough to get our attention (or to move the blanket on their own).

It's very late and I'm very tired. But I wanted to respond because you seem so upset. I don't think this is anything to be awake at night seething about. Maybe tomorrow you can talk about it with your dh and maybe figure out a way to tweek your sleeping arrangements if need be? Also your anxiety seems a bit extreme unless I'm missing something. Maybe that's something you should look into? I never had typical ppd, but I always got a bit high strung and nutty after each birth and in retrospect I wish I would have done something to get a better handle on it.

Hope you get some sleep.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Can you put ds lower in the bed? My ds always slept at boob level for me to make nursing easier - then all the pillows were much higher on the bed than his head, and there was no way one could smother him. I also had a difference blanket from my then bf, so that wasn't an issue either.

[mom2happy]

The same thing happened to me and my DH reacted the same way.
I woke him up and told him my post pardum anxiety was not going to allow me to even get 15 minutes of sleep that night for fear of that happening again. I then said, she will be waking up to nurse every two hours and I have to be able to sleep, unless you are going to nurse her all night and guarantee that your pillow wont touch her......
He snatched his pillow like a brat and went on the couch.
Oh well. I have to stand up for myself. DH is completely oblivious.
He was fine in the morning. Weve been co sleeping and nursing for 7 years. Fortunately he agrees with it and has learned that since I have the breasts, he loses out on the bed sometimes (or gets a very small flat pillow lol).

[Friday13th]

I'm sorry you're so upset about this. Mama hormones can be really rough, especially because our spouses don't share them. I have to move DH's pillow away from the baby alot. He's usually asleep and it's very annoying. DS freaks out if they're on part of his head so I'm not worried he's actually going to smother, it's just frustrating.

[Carley]

Originally Posted by Happeesupermom

Now I'm up-- can't fall asleep b/c my adrenaline is pumped so high!! He could have smothered DS!!! If I hadn't noticed... or if DS had his head turned the other way... UGH!!!!

To top things off-- I've been dealing with intruding thoughts & some of them dealing with DH carelessly hurting DS. Just when I thought I was getting a handle on these ugly thoughts... THIS!!

Oh, I am so stressed! And livid!! I think DH should have jumped up and felt frightened for what he "almost" did!

Am I wrong to feel this way? Why is it affecting me so much and DH hardly blinked at it? Do we have to stop cosleeping?? Please-- any advice, BTDT, or support would be greatly appreciated. I'm sorry for making this so long... I'm just rambly & jumpy right now. [/COLOR][/FONT]

Hey mama - I wanted to reach out to you since others touched on this. Do you have any friends or family you can reach out to? The intruding thoughts are not something you have to "get a handle on" if they're interrupting your life.

Does anyone have that online PPD/PPA questionarre thing for this mama? I deleted mine once I got out of the clear!

[Honey693]

Honestly I think it's a guy thing. My DH sleeps so much deeper than me, doesn't react as strongly as I do and is completely out of it at night. I've seen both of kids scream in his ear at night he doesn't even flinch. It's bizarre, but I just think as mom's we're much more in tune with our babies.

[SilverFish]

i agree that you seem a little too upset about this. that much anxiety and worry isn't healthy, isn't good for your relationship with your partner, and maybe isn't helping you be a balanced parent. i don't know if you have PPD, but if i was feeling like you describe, i'd want that to change.

as for the actual pillow part, 3 months is NOT a fragile newborn. obviously you still need to take precautions and cosleep carefully, and there definitely have been tragedies involving overlaying and smothering, but i honestly do not think that there are serious concerns in the normal family bed. maybe if you have 20 throw pillows, a couple of 2 foot thick down comforters and a few family dogs on there, but a husband, a couple of pillows and a blanket or two do not pose a serious risk. from watching my now 7month old since she was tiny, i've come to the conclusion that it would be very difficult for us to seriously harm her in our bed. pillows and blankets have ended up near her head, on her head, even near her face, and either i NOTICED (i.e the whole point to cosleeping, that a parent is nearby at all times) or she moved herself out of the situation or alerted us to her problem. your baby was fine BECAUSE you both sleep with him and you were there to see that a pillow was near his head. even if your DS had moved his head, unless the pillow was very heavy or very very dense, it wouldn't have done anything to him. if he didn't like having a pillow in his face, he would have moved his head again.

anyway, i know you can't change the way that you're feeling right now, and i know part of it is totally mama protectiveness and concern for your DS's safety. but it was a minor incident, and if you are feeling like this regularily, i don't think that is normal. i hope you are able to get some support and help for this. talk to your DH too. let him know HOW you are feeling (i.e. share your emotions rather than what you think he did wrong) so he can be more supportive and helpful, rather than making you more upset and anxious.

hugs!

[ContentMama]

I feel ya. This would have worried me too! Any way DS can sleep on the other side of you rather than between you and DH?
And yes definitely a typical guy response which can be soo frustrating!!

[Kuba'sMama]

Yea, my dh does it too! and it's our third child! I'm not sure if this is an "overreaction" as others have posted (of course if you feel that you might have extreme anxiety, by all means seek support). What's the overreaction about being upset about putting an adult-sized pillow over a 3m old's head? Am I missing something? I "overreact" too in that case. My dh is not clueless and he knows about safety, what gets *me* mad is that I think he realizes that *I* will be up, and *I* will fix it for him. But that's whole other thread. I would talk to him when you're both up and awake and let him know regardless if you are "too" sensitive or not, you need him to be more careful.

[Marsupialmom]

Originally Posted by Happeesupermom

OK-- so, DS (3 mo.) cosleeps with DH & me. I LOVE that! I WANT DS close to me and I want to be near him when he needs me.

The problem is my DH. Sometimes he is so clueless! Tonight, I was up working on my laptop before bed. DH laid down for bed. DS was between us. DH turned over & fluffed his pillow & went back to sleep. I look over & his pillow is covering half of DS's head! The back part, but still!!! I reached over & moved DH & his pillow. I was livid! I said, "You've got to be more careful! You put your pillow on DS's head!" He responded, "OK" and was about to go back to sleep. I said, "Do you realize what I just said?" He repeated it all to me, so it seems like he was awake enough. And he just turned over & went back to sleep.

What else was he suppose to do. Over react, not sleep in fear?

Originally Posted by Happeesupermom

WHY doesn't this bother him?! Now I'm up-- can't fall asleep b/c my adrenaline is pumped so high!! He could have smothered DS!!! If I hadn't noticed... or if DS had his head turned the other way... UGH!!!!

To top things off-- I've been dealing with intruding thoughts & some of them dealing with DH carelessly hurting DS. Just when I thought I was getting a handle on these ugly thoughts... THIS!!

Oh, I am so stressed! And livid!! I think DH should have jumped up and felt frightened for what he "almost" did!

Am I wrong to feel this way? Why is it affecting me so much and DH hardly blinked at it? Do we have to stop cosleeping?? Please-- any advice, BTDT, or support would be greatly appreciated. I'm sorry for making this so long... I'm just rambly & jumpy right now.

I do think you are overreacting. I have almost hurt my child and the more you dwell on it, the more reaction, the more disturbed the child is.

I really think you need to talk to an outside resource. Your actions and emotions do not see balance. Yes, moving the pillow, saying something, and making sure your half asleep husband heard you was right! But the rest does seem unbalanced.