Another dinner thread - Page 2

[scottishmommy]

I think your DH is being unreasonable. Don't get me wrong, I cook all our meals and am responsible for all things domestic, BUT, dh eats what I cook, and he keeps an eye on dd while I cook. Period, end of discussion. I can't even imagine my dh demanding that I cook what he likes and watch a baby at the same time. If I were you I would calmly tell him that he either watches the baby or he makes himself a pb&j.

[mommaklo]

I was reading everyones responses as a sort of encouragement for myself and decided to respond. I love cooking, and I love cooking fo my dh. (I could be writng ops concerns but about laundry in our home!) I have learned what he likes and love when I cook something and his resonse is "you should make this for the next get together!" (we attend alot of "food based" gatherings ) But theres alot I make that he isnt a fan of (hes big into any kind of meat, and I was a mostly vegetarian when we met.) So Ive slowly incorporated my tastes into what I make (very slooowly) and cook mostly what he likes. I makes me so much happier to make him happy that to eat quinoa instead of white rice.
I would wager that your dhs issues lie in your responses to him and your frustration and resentment surrounding the whole thing. I would guess that hes a command man, and he wants what he wants when he wants it, not just with food. My guess is that if you change your attitude (not that I disagree with it!!) and "happily" make his dinner each night, that he might lessen his gripe on his demand. If he sees you trying, but trying with a heart thats in the right place, it may change his mind, or soften his demands. It might take awhile for this to happen, but I would bet that it would. I also wonder if there are other areas that you perhaps are in a power struggle with him, ie you dont trust him to control the finances, etc, and hes fighting back for control over this area. Just a thought.
My suggestions to make it easeir on you are I would freeze precooked baggies of taco meat, and meat portions for chili, make and freeze several pans of lasagna. I read a blog of a girl (cant remember what website) who does once a month cooking. She devotes an entire weekend to making food and freezing it and thaws it during the month. She has 4 kids onces a baby, and it seems to work for her. I know beef can get old, but we bought a 1/4 of a cow and tho it was a big purchase at the time, we are getting ready to buy another 1/2 from a local farmer. This has been the best money saving thing we could have done, and then you can go over the cuts of meat and how he wants them prepared. (I would even write it on packaging). I have found ease in making something streach two meals or more (a roast becomes sandwiches the next night!) and thinking about these meal options ahead of time. And if you are really frustrated one day, throw a chicken in too. He doesnt haveto eat it, but itll give you a break from beef for a couple meals and who knows, he might like the way you do it so much the he askes for a bite. Just let him think it was his decision.
I wish you the best, I only have 1 LO and hes under the age of 1, so meals are hard, but I dont have school and everything else to think about.

[southernmommie]

Originally Posted by mommaklo

I was reading everyones responses as a sort of encouragement for myself and decided to respond. I love cooking, and I love cooking fo my dh. (I could be writng ops concerns but about laundry in our home!) I have learned what he likes and love when I cook something and his resonse is "you should make this for the next get together!" (we attend alot of "food based" gatherings ) But theres alot I make that he isnt a fan of (hes big into any kind of meat, and I was a mostly vegetarian when we met.) So Ive slowly incorporated my tastes into what I make (very slooowly) and cook mostly what he likes. I makes me so much happier to make him happy that to eat quinoa instead of white rice.
I would wager that your dhs issues lie in your responses to him and your frustration and resentment surrounding the whole thing. I would guess that hes a command man, and he wants what he wants when he wants it, not just with food. My guess is that if you change your attitude (not that I disagree with it!!) and "happily" make his dinner each night, that he might lessen his gripe on his demand. If he sees you trying, but trying with a heart thats in the right place, it may change his mind, or soften his demands. It might take awhile for this to happen, but I would bet that it would. I also wonder if there are other areas that you perhaps are in a power struggle with him, ie you dont trust him to control the finances, etc, and hes fighting back for control over this area. Just a thought.
My suggestions to make it easeir on you are I would freeze precooked baggies of taco meat, and meat portions for chili, make and freeze several pans of lasagna. I read a blog of a girl (cant remember what website) who does once a month cooking. She devotes an entire weekend to making food and freezing it and thaws it during the month. She has 4 kids onces a baby, and it seems to work for her. I know beef can get old, but we bought a 1/4 of a cow and tho it was a big purchase at the time, we are getting ready to buy another 1/2 from a local farmer. This has been the best money saving thing we could have done, and then you can go over the cuts of meat and how he wants them prepared. (I would even write it on packaging). I have found ease in making something streach two meals or more (a roast becomes sandwiches the next night!) and thinking about these meal options ahead of time. And if you are really frustrated one day, throw a chicken in too. He doesnt haveto eat it, but itll give you a break from beef for a couple meals and who knows, he might like the way you do it so much the he askes for a bite. Just let him think it was his decision.
I wish you the best, I only have 1 LO and hes under the age of 1, so meals are hard, but I dont have school and everything else to think about.

After reading through this thread I have to agree totally with this poster's response. I think there is a bigger issue than just the demanding dinner here. There is an attitude behind this somewhere. And I've done the once a month cooking and it works! There are 2 books that are huge helpers. Once-A-Month-Cooking and Dinner's In The Freezer. Totally helped me out!

[philomom]

Originally Posted by terra-pip

Daddy's are not babysitters. They are parents.

I say this to my friends all the time. Dad's care is not less than mom's, nor should it be considered temporary or "pitching in". Dads should just do... and moms should let them and encourage them to do so more often.

[KJoslyn78]

chiming in to agree that i think it's more then just "dinner" issues. And while i don't agree that he refuses to help with his child while you cook, I don't really see my place to give much advice there. I also was the one who had to hold ds while eating... and it was a major PITB, and i often ate cold food long after everyone went to bed. But, my ds loved sitting in his high chair by 4months old playing with a baby spoon and a very shallow dish of water, or dry rice, while i cooked. He would watch me and play (cause wearing him for me never worked)... He really liked having "his place" at the table with us all. Depending on hold old your babe is, maybe that's an option?

In regards to meals though, let me add to the chorus of menu planning. I plan out all out meals, every week, before we go grocery shopping on Sunday. I even blog my menu (as part of a blog posting on Menu Planning Mondays, where i often read other blogs who link up, for more meal ideas too). I'm the ultra picky/sensitive eater in the house, so i plan for the majority, and substitute for me when i need to (ex Italian sausages for the family, a vegetarian one for me, tacos made with ground turkey instead of beef (they cant even tell the difference, and the smell of red meat makes me sick, so i do not cook it, and DH knows better then to ask). Even if i don't always cook what i plan for a specific night, i have at least 7 specific dinner ideas i can make any night of the week, and know i bought the items needed for that meal as well. I know for us, DH's dinner issue is knowing and making sure we at least have a plan of action for dinner, and not waiting till 6pm and realizing we have nothing to make and eat.

[Chamomile Girl]

Originally Posted by mommaklo

I was reading everyones responses as a sort of encouragement for myself and decided to respond. I love cooking, and I love cooking fo my dh. (I could be writng ops concerns but about laundry in our home!) I have learned what he likes and love when I cook something and his resonse is "you should make this for the next get together!" (we attend alot of "food based" gatherings ) But theres alot I make that he isnt a fan of (hes big into any kind of meat, and I was a mostly vegetarian when we met.) So Ive slowly incorporated my tastes into what I make (very slooowly) and cook mostly what he likes. I makes me so much happier to make him happy that to eat quinoa instead of white rice.
I would wager that your dhs issues lie in your responses to him and your frustration and resentment surrounding the whole thing. I would guess that hes a command man, and he wants what he wants when he wants it, not just with food. My guess is that if you change your attitude (not that I disagree with it!!) and "happily" make his dinner each night, that he might lessen his gripe on his demand. If he sees you trying, but trying with a heart thats in the right place, it may change his mind, or soften his demands. It might take awhile for this to happen, but I would bet that it would. I also wonder if there are other areas that you perhaps are in a power struggle with him, ie you dont trust him to control the finances, etc, and hes fighting back for control over this area. Just a thought.

Bolding mine.

Look, this is unhealthy and disturbing on soooooo many levels. What you are describing here is basically giving DH what he wants because he is the man, and deserves what ever he wants. Why are men encouraged to develop such entitlement while we women are expected...no, encouraged, to mold our likes, dislikes and identities to their whims? Its disgusting!

If her DH is indeed a "command man" than he needs to grow up and realize that you cannot command love and obedience from your wife and expect a happy, healthy home. Nor should any partner feel its ok to critique what is for dinner when they can never be bothered to cook. I'd be resentful too if I were the OP!

To the OP:

Its ok to make what you want for dinner at least once a week...even if nobody else likes it.
Its ok to hand him the baby and tell him to suck it up...he's a parent!
Its not ok for him to try and guilt you into only cooking beef...tell him there is a shortage of cow and that eating vegetarian for a day won't kill him.

Take back the power OP. You are letting him dictate too much. And hugs to you...he sounds like a big whiner.

[mbhf]

Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl

Bolding mine.

Look, this is unhealthy and disturbing on soooooo many levels. What you are describing here is basically giving DH what he wants because he is the man, and deserves what ever he wants. Why are men encouraged to develop such entitlement while we women are expected...no, encouraged, to mold our likes, dislikes and identities to their whims? Its disgusting!

If her DH is indeed a "command man" than he needs to grow up and realize that you cannot command love and obedience from your wife and expect a happy, healthy home. Nor should any partner feel its ok to critique what is for dinner when they can never be bothered to cook. I'd be resentful too if I were the OP!

I think you are completely misunderstanding this woman. She is not telling the OP to give her DH whatever he wants. She is telling the OP that perhaps if she changes her attitude he will also change his. I am willing to bed that she would give the same advice to the OPs DH if it wee him asking for advice. It is easy to say that he should change how he behaves but he is not the one asking for advice so we can't tell him to change something about himself to change this dynamic.

[mommaklo]

Thanks mbhf. Thats what I meant.

Its ok to make what you want for dinner at least once a week...even if nobody else likes it.
Its ok to hand him the baby and tell him to suck it up...he's a parent!
Its not ok for him to try and guilt you into only cooking beef...tell him there is a shortage of cow and that eating vegetarian for a day won't kill him.

I just dont see this "solving" any problems. I dont see someone like this dh "backing down" and giving up, and if he does, I see him flexing control in another area. I just wanted to help her long term and I am not at all about molding our likes and dislikes and identities. Op, Im not even saying you have to be happy, but this appears to me to be a control issue, and if I were to tell you to take back control, it would be a never ending power struggle IMHO.
My suggestion came from a very personal place, as I was in a relationship like this before dh. Obviously it didnt last and it involved many instances like this. (Example: he wanted me to cut vegetables smaller for stir fry because he didnt like them so big. Me: cut your own damn vegetables! I do enough as it is!) We fought and fought and I had so much resentment towards him that it ended very bitterly. I have since met and married a man I have respect for and would never treat him in way I treated previous partner. But I believe having the above described persepctive has helped ME put things in perspective. Im not saying mens demands are legit. Im just saying a negative, pissy response (like mine) doesnt fix it, either.

[kayleesmom]

I would say crockpot crockpot crockpot when at all possible you can make tons of yummy meals in crockpot. and big hugs coming your way.

[MrsBone]

Well at our house, I'm glad DH isn't home right at the same time every night in some ways. Makes it so I am not on a "time crunch" to get dinner done. I do follow my DS's cues for dinner and usually have it done and ready to eat between 6 and 7 every night. DS goes to bed at 9, so it's a good time. DH gets home anywhere from 6-8:30, so I can't plan on him for dinner. Sometimes I think he wishes I would not make dinner and just let him have a frozen pizza for once, after he gets home late. Since my son and I both have food sensitivities I pretty much have to cook every meal from scratch. It's something I'm used to and it's not a big deal. I think he gets tired of eating "healthy" all the time That said, I usually do take care of the dishes and make his lunch, but we only have one kid, so It's not a big deal. Things might have to change once the second arrives though! I would give anything to have standby dinners like cereal and sandwiches, but I can't eat those, so I am pretty much forced to make sure everyone has food they can eat, myself included. We get take out or go out to eat on the weekends, but even then I don't like to because more often than not I get cross-contamination reactions and get sick, so, if we don't go out, DH will grill meat enough for 2 or 3 meals and that helps alot during the week! I don't understand why your DH won't take care of the baby while you cook? What else is he doing? Watching tv? Sometimes, that's all DH does, but gets interrupted many times, and gets up with him to play for a bit, then resumes his show, or whatever. I don't care as long as DS is out of the kitchen! A baby is even easier than an almost 2 year old. Another reason why I can't wait until we get our outdoor swingset! I guess I don't have any real advice, since DH never complains about the house being a mess, laundry not done, etc, so I don't get that pressure. Oh, I do work one short shift a week too, so I feel like I'm contributing to the finances as well