Working moms... Surely, it can't be THAT hard?

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Help me see this from your point of veiw.

I provide daycare for a family with two kids. I only watch one of those kids, and someone else watches the other child.

I have five other kids besides this little boy. (so, six total)

Mom sent me a long email today, explaining that her husband is starting on a soccer league this week, and will be playing soccer three nights a week.

She wants me to start BATHING her son here, because she just can't seem to get both kids bathed if her husband isn't there to help her.

I said "no". But, now i'm a little mad at her, because how does she think It's easier for me with six kids than it is for her with two kids? I was a single working mom for ten years, and I don't remember thinking "I just can't do it".

Dad DOES do a lot around the house. Mom is a nervous person.. and a perfectionist. She wants all of his food measured out to the teaspoon. She wants written notes about EXACTLY how much of what he eats each day. she wants to know EXACTLY how his poop was and how many each day. So, I get that she's overthinking things, which makes everything harder. But, isn't it a little rude to assume I will bathe him on a regular basis, because she can't bathe both kids?

I would GLADLY bathe him on occasion if it's necessary.

Is it really THAT hard to work and have kids?

[bluebunny]

I consider this forum a support forum so I'm not going to answer your overarching question, "Is it really THAT hard to work and have kids?" But I will bite on your specific issue. I do think it is unreasonable for the mother to ask you to bathe her child daily. I think she should be able to handle that. She seems like someone who is easily overwhelmed. I, personally, couldn't handle her demands about measuring the food to the teaspoon and writing down each and every little thing so props to you for dealing with her.

[GuildJenn]

I think that is a pretty unreasonable request, yes. I'm not sure it's rude unless she's mean about the refusal.

At the same time I worry about her if she's that overwhelmed. But I totally agree that as her DCP it's not your job to take on those kinds of tasks.

[JollyGG]

Originally Posted by bluebunny

I consider this forum a support forum so I'm not going to answer your overarching question, "Is it really THAT hard to work and have kids?" But I will bite on your specific issue. I do think it is unreasonable for the mother to ask you to bathe her child daily. I think she should be able to handle that. She seems like someone who is easily overwhelmed. I, personally, couldn't handle her demands about measuring the food to the teaspoon and writing down each and every little thing so props to you for dealing with her.

What she said.

[Minxie]

I also think that is an unreasonable request, especially in view of the fact that you are presumably still watching other children at that time.

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I don't really mind the measuring, or giving descriptions of the poopy diapers.

But, for some reason, it really rubs me the wrong way that she thinks her job of bathing two kids is so much harder than it would be if I did it. Why does she think it's easy for me?

I can't even unload my dishwasher most days.

[spedteacher30]

I suspect she isn't thinking about the number of kids per adult. I suspect she is thinking of it in terms of "I am home with the kids for 3 hours per night, and she has him for 9 hours a day." and, if one of them normally bathes the kids while the other makes dinner, her tight-ship routine has now been blown. (And, given what you have said, I bet she runs a very routinized home). And, if she does one kid drop off and pick up and her husband does the other, and she is now doing both, her 3 hours is down to 2 hours, etc. etc.

That's just to help you not be annoyed with her, not to try and convince you to bathe the kid. If she were a creative problem-solver, she would discover any number of solutions to her blown routine--the crockpot, bathing less often, having the kids shower with her in the morning, stopping for a pizza on the way home from work, etc.

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

I don't really mind the measuring, or giving descriptions of the poopy diapers.

But, for some reason, it really rubs me the wrong way that she thinks her job of bathing two kids is so much harder than it would be if I did it. Why does she think it's easy for me?

I can't even unload my dishwasher most days.

Honestly I don't think it sounds like she thought at all. She freaked out and her version of solving the problem is to get you to handle it. She's clearly not a logistics person if she can't come up with a solution for three nights a week.

[txbikegrrl]

Yes it IS that hard for some of us. Not that asking you to do even more was a good solution. I told my DH he had to stop riding his bike for awhile. After working 8+ hours no lunch because pumping and traveling between locations I can not be home alone with our 3yo and 10mo. I feel overwhelmed not able to meet their needs they both need parental attention after day care...

[sparklett]

I think for some people, it is very hard. My SIL has three kids and works full-time. She relies very heavily on my MIL to come over multiple times each week and help with dinners, baths, etc. She just can't seem to fall into a good pattern of being able to do it herself. Is that a bad thing? Depends on how you look at it. She's overwhelmed and can't figure out a routine that works, so she needs help. So for her, YES, it is that hard.

[jennybear]

I'm a little turned off by the tone of the question but agree that your job isn't to bathe the kids on a regular basis.

[lunarlady]

As a working mama, I say it can be that hard, but it sounds like this mama needs to let things go. Skip the baths lady. Really. Your kid will be clean enough bathing four times a week. For the record, mine get less baths than that, because bath time can be hard when the are young enough to drown, but old enough to want to spend an hour playing in the water. I sometimes sent my DD to daycare with tangled hair because even the five minutes to brush it was too much. Was I happy when dc did her hair? Thrilled to see pigtails when I picked her up? Yes! Did I expect it? Of course not.

So l can see why she asked, but you should feel fine saying no. Chances are she sees you as a professional kid wrangler, and herself as an amature. She most likely thinks you could get them all to sing in harmony while cleaning the kitchen, and then nap for hours if you put your mind to it. So feel flattered. She think a you are superwoman.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Im a full time working mother of two small, very spirited and active little boys, whose husband is often NOT home in the evenings in time for baths. I.WOULD.NEVER. The end.

[earthmama369]

Since you're both working moms, I'm not reading as much into your tone re: SAHM vs. WAHM. I do think it's unreasonable to ask you to do baths, and I also think it might be a safety and quality issue. What are the other five littles in your care supposed to do while you're in the bathroom with her little? Bringing your response to her in those terms might help put things in perspective for her -- that you're running a business and have a responsibility to all of your charges. She does sound overwhelmed, but you taking over bathing isn't the way to solve that one.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by lunarlady

Chances are she sees you as a professional kid wrangler, and herself as an amature. She most likely thinks you could get them all to sing in harmony while cleaning the kitchen, and then nap for hours if you put your mind to it. So feel flattered. She think a you are superwoman.

From the sounds of it she KNOWS you can take care of 6 kids, but could never see herself doing that. So to her- you are superwoman! She probably figures you could do just about anything and adding one little bath isn't a big deal.

Of course, I would say no

[Multimomma]

Sounds to me like a spin on the whole "Staying home isn't that hard", so what's one more thing? Anyone taking care of six kids for nine hours a day shouldn't have to measure food to the teaspoon, tracking food and poop is enough, and I'm sure you clean him up as needed.

Back to the age old argument of who's got it harder...

[EdnaMarie]

I think it's absurd. Look at all the single parents and military parents that do this on a regular basis. A lot of us WFH, volunteer, and take care of kids under five almost all day, and we manage nightly baths, even for a ten-minute soak just for routine's sake. Hair twisted into bun when we get out of car for pre-school just so they don't see I didn't comb it after last night's bath.

I agree, you should say "no". It's a really ridiculous request and so is the teaspoon measurement thing. I can't help you with diplomatic phrasing, though.

[SilverFish]

you both ARE working moms. i think the fact that you worded your question as though you weren't a working mom perhaps speaks to the attitude you present to her... as though you weren't working a full day and then continuing in a parenting role in the evening, just like she is.

anyway, that aside, i would just say no (or charge an extra fee for returning her children washed and dressed!). if she is having a hard time meeting all her goals, it's her responsibility to rearrange her life... either tell her husband she needs him at home, giving up on baths altogether, or hiring a mother's helper to come to her house in the evening.

[Alyantavid]

Originally Posted by jennybear

I'm a little turned off by the tone of the question but agree that your job isn't to bathe the kids on a regular basis.

That. And it is THAT hard for some people. Obviously if you run a daycare, you can handle kids. Sometimes I can't even handle my own after a long day of work.

I would never ask someone else to bathe my child, but I can see how she'd think that was a good idea since you're with the kids more and can obviously deal with children probably better than she can. I'd say no, but you can be nice about it, put yourself in her shoes maybe.

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I was extremely nice about it. I explained my very valid reasons, but it still bugged me.

I guess I should change how I think it feels, from "You aren't doing anything all day anyway" to "You do an amazing job, and surely you could handle this too".

In all fairness to her.. I have a little girl who needs to wear two pony tails for her cochlear implants. But, she comes in every morning in a t-shirt and holding her "ears" I do her hair and put her ears on and find shorts for her every day. So, maybe this mom just assumes I do this for everyone.