Working moms... Surely, it can't be THAT hard? - Page 3

[Thalia the Muse]

If my daycare provider was at the end of her rope and totally unable to cope and thought her job was unreasonably hard, I'd expect her to hire an assistant or reduce the number of children in her care -- not be angry at me. In fact, I chose the daycare we used because the in-home provider had a paid assistant, so it wasn't one adult and a bunch of kids all day. Her teenage daughter also came over frequently to play with the kids.

[texmati]

And second was just this past weekend. We are trying to arrange childcare for our bible study group at church to do a special course that will last from 9am to 3pm on a Saturday. One couple volunteered to help, but the woman said we would need to hire at least one more sitter because no way could she and her husband care for five kids... all day! I just raised my eyebrows to that, and got all of the "oh, but it is different for you!" comments. But it is not different for me. I just don't have a choice so I have to make it work.

It is different for you. You are a daycare provider, and that's your profession. It's like assuming that you could do my job during the day. I don't have a choice, I make it work. But I don't think for a minute that you could just pick up and do what I do.

Originally Posted by Alyantavid

That was my comment so I'll respond. Yes, I assume that if you are a daycare provider, you can handle a large number of children better than I can. All the providers I know see completely at ease when I walk in. I'd be batty if I had to care for 6 young children all day long. I'm batty after caring for my 2 some days.

I don't think the mom assumed it would be easier. She asked and there's no harm in that. So many threads in this forum talk about doing what it takes to make life easier as a working parent. That's all she's doing. The op said no, which is perfectly fine too.

I don't think it's easy to be a daycare provider. Which is why I'm not one. But I do think that it takes a certain type of person to care for kids all day long. And I'm not that person. Just as the mom in the first post probably isn't either. And that's ok too.

I was up at night thinking about this thread! I'm so glad that you made that point Alyantavid. A daycare provider is not a mom to 6 kids. It's your job. Just as she might not know what your job entails, you don't really know what her job entails. And it's not really your business to know, or get up in arms about what she does in her home.

It still makes me sad that we have working moms tearing down other working moms. Or mom's tearing down mom's in general. Why do we keep doing this to ourselves? It's hard enough as it is.

[Ruby2]

[Carma]

Originally Posted by lunarlady

As a working mama, I say it can be that hard, but it sounds like this mama needs to let things go. Skip the baths lady. Really. Your kid will be clean enough bathing four times a week. For the record, mine get less baths than that, because bath time can be hard when the are young enough to drown, but old enough to want to spend an hour playing in the water. I sometimes sent my DD to daycare with tangled hair because even the five minutes to brush it was too much. Was I happy when dc did her hair? Thrilled to see pigtails when I picked her up? Yes! Did I expect it? Of course not.

So l can see why she asked, but you should feel fine saying no. Chances are she sees you as a professional kid wrangler, and herself as an amature. She most likely thinks you could get them all to sing in harmony while cleaning the kitchen, and then nap for hours if you put your mind to it. So feel flattered. She think a you are superwoman.

(including the pigtails)

[Ellien C]

To answer the immediate question - my kid did not bathe on anything more than a weekly (at BEST) basis until this year - second grade. NO - on my schedule I could not manage a bath for her, dinner and clean-up and bedtime. Even now, somedays my daily dinner dishes wait until the weekend.

I used a day care center so bathing her wasn't an option, but: One of girls had been a hairdresser and I said she'd be fine to cut my girls bangs if she wanted. She totally did it and had a good time. The provider's eyes lit up and she looked at my DD and said "Do you want to play beauty parlor today?" I don't know how she managed this with a bunch of other kids, but it was all cool. I loved it when she did my DD's hair.

On the other hand I think you are totally within your rights to NOT do it. She asked and you said no. It's all good and you don't have to feel bad about saying no. I think the rest of what the mom asks for is totally crazy. Do you feel taken advantage of? Like you give her an inch and she takes a mile?

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Originally Posted by Ellien C

Do you feel taken advantage of? Like you give her an inch and she takes a mile?

No. I actually don't have any families that take advantage of me. I've had them in the past, and I've learned to spot it early and let the family go.

I honestly think she can't handle two kids without her husband. She just really, really needs things to be done, or she can't sleep at night. I would be willing to bet her dishes are always done. Mine are almost never done before dinner. It's done before I go to bed though. Her husband is really laid back, and couldn't care less if the car has toys all over, but she cleans out her car every night. (I could live out of my car for a week)

I am naturally disorganized and I don't care. So, I understand that she's the complete opposite. I couldn't stay organized for two days, I think she couldn't have chaos for two days. I'm fine with chaos. Sometimes I videotape the chaos.

She does everything BY THE BOOK. She'll say "the book says he should be holding his own bottle by seven months, so you need to start working on that with him". "The book says he should be sitting up, so please start working on that" "The book says he should be able to have two feedings from a cup.. so,here is a cup, and you need to try one feeding with the cup."

I do all of that. I'm completely fine with it. He actually does all of those things that her book says he should. So, if she wants him to hold his bottle, we start working on it, and lo and behold, he was holding it by seven months.

[EdnaMarie]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

Thank you. Yes, I was being sarcastic. I work very hard. I promise.

Okay, good. I was like, talk about selling yourself short!

I think it comes down to who has the kids for how many hours a day. I know that by the time DD and I are home at the end of the day it is 6:30, if not later.

I make a point to "nanny" my kids for at least three or four hours a day after I finish my work in the morning. We get home between 5:30 and 6:30, they have to be in bed by 7:30 (story read... hah, okay, that's after 7:30).

no way could she and her husband care for five kids... all day!

To some extent, this is hyperbole, because of course if for some reason they did have five kids with them, they'd manage.

And to some extent, that would be my answer too. I could do it, sure. I'm sure I could also manage to feed my aunt's calves their milk, or answer phones in an office building, or wait tables, or even repair computer hardware. It would be funny, there would be a lot of failures, but I could do it.

If you asked me to do it on a regular basis, I would reply, "I can't do that. We need a sitter." What that would translate to would be, "I can't do that and remain sane. I come from a long line of musicians and healers and we don't do the child care part. Sorry. If you take the kids, I can write you a song and a meaningful religious poem, though."

Now maybe you don't feel child care is your calling. I completely understand doing something that is just tolerable because that's how you can best support your family. Lots of people do it. But it's also understandable that people assume you do it because you like it. A lot of people do like it.

As for the cleaning-out-the-car thing... Yeah. She needs therapy. She needs to LET. GO. I am disgusted by my car. But I can't manage that and be there for my kids. Oh, well. Life is full of opportunities to practice acceptance. LOL!

[rivkah]

I am not sure why we are all criticizing this mom whom we don't know. I am a perfectionist about certain things too, and I hope a bunch of anonymous people on a message board are not tearing apart my standards.

That being said, I don't think this issue needs to be addressed re: this working mother's standards of cleanliness or whatever. It is, rather, as issue of your job description. I would not expect my daughter's daycare teacher to bather her, and neither would I expect an in-home childcare provider with 5 other kids to do so. I would, however, expect a nanny to do so, upon my request.

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Originally Posted by EdnaMarie

As for the cleaning-out-the-car thing... Yeah. She needs therapy. She needs to LET. GO. I am disgusted by my car. But I can't manage that and be there for my kids. Oh, well. Life is full of opportunities to practice acceptance. LOL!

Eh.. My husband is the same way. His car is spotless. I'm scared to ride in it.

You should see our closet. His side is perfect. Each type of shirt has a spot. He lines them up by color. The tank tops have a spot, the dress shirts have a spot, and they all go from blue, to beige. He folds his underwear.

My side of the closet, is another story. I just shove shoes in, they aren't even together.... just stick one in on this shelf, then shove another one somewhere else. Sometimes it takes me five minutes to find two that match. My clothes are just hanging willy nilly anywhere I put them. My laundry basket is stuffed in somewhere. His is lined up perfectly with his dresser.

I'm a pig. I'm clean though, just extremely disorganized and sloppy. I Do clean the bathrooms every single day, and clean all the tile at least once a week... I'll stay up all night if I think my floors or counters are dirty.

I think we all have our own hang ups.

[*bejeweled*]

Originally Posted by jennybear

I'm a little turned off by the tone of the question but agree that your job isn't to bathe the kids on a regular basis.

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Originally Posted by rivkah

I would, however, expect a nanny to do so, upon my request.

I would do it on occasion if she asked me. I've done it with all the kids. If mom calls and says "hey, he has a doctor's appt at 4:00, couldjya bathe him before I pick him up?" I'd do it. I'd have to manipulate nap time a bit, but I'd do it.

I'll make dinner for them on occasion, I wash their clothes at least once a week because something happened. I use cloth diapers on some kids, and I wash and fold all the diapers here.

I potty train ALL the kids myself. I literally have never had the parents potty train the kids before I did it. Not once, in 20 years of daycare has a parent potty trained the kids. (unless they come to me already potty trained) Ya know why? Because in the case of potty training, it IS easier for me to do it. I can potty train a kid in less than a week. I can potty train four kids at once in less than a week. But, those things are harder at home. I don't mind at all. It's part of the curriculum.

I can take the pacifier away or break them of the bottle in a day or less. That's also easier for me to do than for mom and dad. I couldn't even take the pacifier away from my own child. When it's your child, it's just not as easy for some reason.

[EdnaMarie]

Eh.. My husband is the same way. His car is spotless. I'm scared to ride in it...
I think we all have our own hang ups.

But if your hang up is preventing you from caring for your child, it's a problem. Do you see what I mean? If she can't stay up, if she's already worn to a ravelling, and she can't care for the kids, and her husband can't even have one single activity to break down stress, then she needs to let go somewhere.

But, as others have pointed out, that's not our issue.

[EdnaMarie]

When it's your child, it's just not as easy for some reason.

I love that you can appreciate this! You should write a book on it!

I think discipline is so much harder when it's only a parent-child thing.

[justKate]

nextcommerical, I got to the thread late. What did you end up doing?

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Originally Posted by justKate

nextcommerical, I got to the thread late. What did you end up doing?

I told her "no". However, I did bathe him yesterday. LOL. But, I said that I wouldn't be making that a routine.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

From the sounds of it she KNOWS you can take care of 6 kids, but could never see herself doing that. So to her- you are superwoman! She probably figures you could do just about anything and adding one little bath isn't a big deal.

Of course, I would say no

You make it look easy, apparently!!